Memories Past
by ForgottenLov3r
Summary: A different take on Vampire Knight.
1. Chapter 1

I was running. Hard. As hard and as fast as I could, frantically pushing my tiny body far past its limit, arms pumping hard at my sides, breath rasping from my throat, heart thundering painfully against my ribs, wind ripping through my long, ratted hair; desperation clawing it's way into my mind. I was always running here. The tight, straining pain in my legs was beginning to become something I expected, waited for, anticipated. I didn't know where I was or where I was going-where I was running to, only that I needed to get away from here, sensing the approaching danger before I saw it, creeping through the unknown. I needed to run, to keep moving. Fast, find somewhere where I could hide. As fast as I could. The throbbing, pinching ache in my calves was quickly becoming unbearable.

It was dark here, so terribly dark, the type of darkness that forces a sense of foreboding, anxiety, panic to crawl up from your stomach, into your chest, swim through your mind. It crushes you, eyes darting-frantically searching for any source of light. The moon showed me no pity tonight, no soft, silver light to guide my way through the smothering darkness. There weren't even any stars gracing the pitch black night sky. I couldn't see a thing-surrounded by heavily falling snow, caught in a horrible blizzard. The air was so thick with tiny, jagged shards of white flakes-falling sharply against my delicate skin, stinging like thousands of tiny needles against my exposed flesh, cutting and burning me, making me cringe and shake, gritting my teeth. And it was cold. So very, very cold. It hurt to inhale it's coldness, making me cough terribly against the wind. The wind bit sharp and unforgiving into my already aching skin, chilling me to the very bone-threatening frostbite, a dangerous warning. It howled loudly in my ears, deafening, screaming at me to seek safety, shelter.

How much more could such a tiny body possibly take? I already felt as if I had been pummeled over and over again, aching to my very bones, bruised and week. A sickening feeling of nostalgia began to creep its way slowly up my spine-chilling, creeping fingers worming their way through the most private parts of my body-into my very sub-consciousness, squinting hard against the stinging wind.

I've been here before, I knew I have. It was all too familiar; the snow, the frost, the ice, the darkness. And I wasn't alone here either. I could hear It behind me now, always, no matter how quickly or how long I ran, footsteps crunching in the snow-heavy and dragging; breath, snarling, gasping, claws slashing through the freezing air; desperate to get ahold of me, teeth, biting, always on my heels.

How did I get here? And where am I going? Why was I here?

I couldn't think straight now. Panic was beginning to take over my every sense, choking me, suffocating, clouding my mind. I wanted to turn around and look at It, see what was following me, what was chasing me. But I knew doing that would make it all too real, this, whatever this was. It would slow me down, and It would capture me. It was getting harder and harder to breathe now-all this running. My chest felt so tight from the lack of oxygen-from running so hard, my throat burned and my lungs were screaming out for relief. Each breath I dragged into my ragged and raw throat tore and ached-threatening to freeze my very insides if I didn't stop now and rest, the air was so very cold. My body begged for relief, pled for it, demanded I stop now. The strain was too much for my little heart to bare, my tiny legs. But I knew that if I stopped running now It would get me. And I didn't want that to happen. That thought alone sent ice coursing through my veins and pushed my little feet harder, pressing me farther, faster than I thought ever possible-the pain forcing me to realize that this was no nightmare. This was real. I was actually here. There really was a monster behind me, chasing after me, after my very tiny, very fragile life. Wanting it, needing it. But there had to be a reason for it all. For all this running, for all this pain, and for all this fear.

Have I ever felt fear before now? Just thinking about what might happen to me if that demon were to catch up was enough to make my heart want to stop, my stomach churn. Why was I being chased, haunted, tormented? How did I get here? Why was I here? Why? WHY? That question...that question burned at me, that 'why'. Repeating over and over in my mind again and again, clawing at my brain, digging down deep, begging, pleading, screaming at me to answer! I felt as though that question alone would drive me mad, insane. I wanted to be answered, I needed to be answered. I wanted an explanation. But I was alone here. There was no one around to help me, to save me, to answer me, rescue me from this monstrous demon, this nightmare, these nagging questions-my own frightening, tormenting thoughts, the very night air that threatened to freeze me in place, to turn me to ice. I didn't have answers! Why?

I felt a clawed, icy cold hand grip my forearm, pulling hard, dragging me back, straining the socket. Even through my heavy winter coat I could feel It's icy cold grip on my skin-claws digging in deep. I screamed, loud and shrill, the sound echoing across the empty plain-not in pain; though it was horribly painful-but in fear, in absolute terror-ice gripping my heart, colder than the frigid air surrounding me, colder than the snow, colder than this monster's claws-and I didn't even recognize that sound, that sound that was tearing it's way out from my tiny little throat. Fear. Have I ever felt so frightened before now, in this very moment? I couldn't remember a time when I ever did, such a foreign feeling pressing out of my pores. I couldn't remember anything.

Why am I here? How did I ever get to such a place?

I looked into It's eyes, then-lifting my chin up to face It-they were red-It's eyes, red like blood, and filled with an unholy, lustrous rage that my small little heart couldn't comprehend. And yet I knew-deep in my heart, somehow-that It meant to harm me, this creature that stalked me relentlessly through the dark of night, never giving up, never backing down, haunting me for an eternity. I saw Hell, there, in It's bloody red stare. I'd never known Hell, till now. But I saw it there and I knew it for what it was.

I fell backwards-a last resort-a fatal error, the mistake that was going to cost me my life now-wanting to put distance between us-as much as I could, needing to get away from this monster, this demon. I knew it meant to kill me. It wanted to kill me. It was like It needed to kill me. My life was in It's vicious claws and I could not find my voice to beg It too set me free, nor did I have the strength to fight back. I was so small, so young and frail, and so very weak. Yet somehow I knew that even if I could scream and yell, beg for my life, for It to let me go, It wouldn't be up for listening, for bargaining-though I had nothing of value I could offer It. I was only a child, and I was so very lost here. Here, in this white wasteland, going no where, left to wonder, maybe even left to die.

The snow was thick and cushioned the landing as my body fell hard against the freezing cold ground-losing my breath upon impact. I threw my arms out before me-creating a barrier of sorts-fragile and sad though it was-a wall between me and the monster-the only form of self-defense my tiny, small, and otherwise completely defenseless body could offer up. There was still that nagging question tugging at the back, dark recesses of my mind, begging to be answered, tugging, pleading, prodding through my brain, racking around for any possible explanation-why was I here? How did I get here? Why?

I looked up at It now, as It loomed over me, wanting to see my fate-needing to see this creature for all that It was, the objects that lie deep within Hell, what do they look like? And why do they feed off the of the lives of the living?-but deep in my small heart I somehow already knew the outcome of this situation. My fate, how this would end. It was almost as if in some strange ironic, twisted, and demented world I've been here before and for some reason, I knew I would be here again. Time and time again. Forever. I would never be able to escape my fate. I could see myself now, reflected in It's demonic red eyes, casting an unholy glow, boring into the very farthest depths of my tiny soul, seeing me, seeing everything and nothing-why couldn't I remember? I didn't recognize the terrified little girl that was staring back at me.

The demons will always find me. Like a repeating nightmare I would never be able to escape from, my own personal Hell, trapped forever in never-ending torment. The muscles in my legs still burned, aching from overuse, the pain reminding me that this was still reality. That quiet 'why?' resounded softly in the far depths of my head now, over and over, no more than a soft whisper now, a quiet buzzing-barely audible, hardly noticeable anymore.

The snow fell thick and heavy against my cheeks, collecting on my eyelashes, blurring the frightening demon before me, twisting and misshaping It's already incomprehensible appearance. Or maybe they were my tears, pricking at my eyes, stinging and burning, threatening too overflow-freezing unrelentingly against my cheeks. I was too scared to tell which, too scared to notice how my body was reacting anymore. All I noticed was the fear. It didn't matter anyway-whether the first or the latter-this monster knew I was weak already, that It had already won. It knew I was afraid. Even if I had the strength to fight back-the will to fight for my tiny, insignificant life-I would be easily overpowered. My skin was colder than ice but I was no longer shivering, adrenaline flowing through my veins, I felt so numb. It doesn't matter how fast I try to run. It's terrible eyes locked deep into mine, freezing my heat and I knew it was all over. I couldn't look away. This was it.

"Your blood." It croaked out of It's wretched throat, warm breath fogging out around It's head like a soft cloud against the much colder air. And I knew I would remember It's voice forever-branding itself into my brain.

It doesn't matter how hard I struggle and fight against it.

It had fangs that extended threateningly below It's jaw, saliva dripping to the ground, eyes crazed, darting madly-looking at everything and nothing all at the same time. It's hands were on me now, pressing me deeper and harder into the freezing cold snow, cutting off all chance of escape. I could feel It's fowl breath fanning across my tender throat.

This was it.

I would never escape these demons.

Not now.

Not this time.

Not anytime.

Not ever.

"I want it all!"


	2. Chapter 2

I awoke that morning as I often did, drenched in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, reaching for my throat to make sure I was still whole, feeling for the torn flesh I dreaded would one day be there, a shriek tearing from my throat. I struggled to drag air into my tight lungs, choking when I couldn't get air in quick enough; my whole body feeling stiff and sore, cold fingers still wrapped unyieldingly around my overly sensitive throat. I was tangled in the damp sheets. I struggled to break free from their hold, the restraining feeling reminding me too much of the horrifying demon from my nightmare's iron limbs, pressing down on my tiny body, the room sharply coming into focus. Nausea quickly took hold of my senses and I felt the overwhelming urge to be sick.

"Yuuki? Are you alright in there?" my father was at the door, knocking lighting on the other side of the wood, gentle concern lacing his usually cheerful voice. He must have heard me thrashing about and came upstairs to check on me. He waited patiently for me to answer.

"I'm fine, Tou-san." I confirmed, lying, still trying to steady my uneven breathing, forcing cheerfulness into my voice. "Sorry if I woke you up." the truth was I didn't feel fine at all. That dream shook me to the core. It felt all too real, too familiar. And I didn't feel truly awake yet, still wrapped up in that monster's claws-trapped-surrounded by falling snow.

Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, I brushed my damped bangs off of my forehead and stared up at the empty ceiling, listening to his retreating footsteps, wishing to calling him back to me, to ask him for comfort. I reached up and trailed my fingers along the dark grey netting that hung from the canopy around my bed, finding its soft texture soothing and comforting. "It was just a dream." I whispered to myself, needing the reassurance that I could expect from no one else. My voice shook, not reassuring at all. My heart was thundering inside of my chest, though, slamming against my ribs, and I was finding it hard to calm myself down. I needed to get out of this room. The walls were closing in on me and I felt like I was being suffocated, the weight of the demon's much stronger body still pressing down on me; like I was being watched by a pair of eyes I couldn't see. I could feel them, lurking; out the window, in the walls, in the closest. Everywhere.

Peaking over at the alarm clock on the bedside table, I noticed it was only a little after five in the morning. It was so incredibly early. School doesn't start for another three and a half hours! I decided I might as well get out of bed, though. There was no point in just lying here. There was no way I was going to fall back to sleep after a terrible dream like that.

Tossing off the damp, dark grey sheets, I headed out of my room and down the hall towards the bathroom that I shared with Zero. I needed a shower. A hot shower was sure to calm me down, wash away the sweat and nightmares. I wasn't sure if Zero was in his room, since he usually stayed in the dormitory and not at our private residence with the Headmaster, but I still tried my best to be quiet. I've often wonder why Zero would choose his stuffy dorm room over his own bedroom in our house. Surly nothing compared to being home, in one's own bed. Sometimes I feel guilty about leaving Yori alone in our dorm room, but I honestly can not stand the Girls Dormitory, for more than one reason.

As the hot water ran over me I thought about the up coming day-running over my daily routine in my head, dreading it. I wasn't much of a school fan. I never really ever have been, not even when I was younger. Book work, studying, socializing, prefect duties, none of that was me. Not really. Though I loved my friends, seeing them and spending time with them, I'd rather not be at school. I needed to face reality, other than Yori and Zero...I didn't have any other friends, not really. I didn't fit in well. The other female students resented me because of my affiliation with the Night Class students, for some reason. Well, I should say just because of my affiliation with the _male_ Night Class students. What they didn't understand though was that if it wasn't for my prefectual duties, I'd be just like them, no where near the Night Class. The Night Class wasn't supposed to socialize with the Day Class students unless under strict watch of the prefects, and only if it was absolutely necessary. I honestly didn't have anything to do with them, not really; just at the start of their classes and at the end of their classes. Except for Kaname. _Kaname_...I thought about that dream again, that horrible nightmare. How many times have I had that exact same dream of Kaname saving me from that rouge vampire, that demon...and how many times did he show up to late, only to stand over my lifeless body?

Fear gripped my heart once more-causing it to race haphazardly...a crippling, choking, unbearable pain crawled out of me; a sound I didn't recognize-a sob wrenching its way out of my throat, I couldn't stop it from slipping out between my lips, shocking my ears with the level of pain it held-and I began to cry, loudly. I was thankful for the noise of the shower, blocking out the sounds of my cries. Unable to stand, I slid down the smooth tiled wall, cold against my wet, heated skin, curling up in the streaming hot water. The image of fangs buried deep in my throat was still fresh in my mind-causing my stomach to lurch. And blood, all that blood, draining from my small form, the light leaving my eyes, my tiny body falling limp in a bloodless heap to the frozen ground, pale and cold, unmoving, dead. Snow burying me in an unmarked grave, never to be seen again. In that dream that monster ripped me apart-till I was just an unrecognizable mass of flesh, bones, shredded clothing-over and over again, as if I were an unwanted doll, a toy that someone had just thrown aside, forgotten and unwanted. And not just that. Me, never getting to meet Kaname. He meant all the world to me. It was all by chance that he was even on that snowy mountain top that night ten years ago, but he was there and he saved me all the same. I was nothing to him and he saved my life. And ever since then I have owed him everything-not that he ever asked anything of me. He _was_ my entire world. I loved him.

He was my beginning. My very first memory.

I had come so close-so very _very_ close-to actually dying that cold winter night. _He had shown up at the very last second._ I owed Kaname more than I could ever hope to repay him-even if he told me frequently that it wasn't necessary. I'd never be able to thank him enough times, even if I did thank him every single day, it still wouldn't ever be enough.

I stood then, adjusting the water's temperature-it had begun to cool in my musings-and began washing my long, thick, dark brown hair. I needed to finish up my shower. I couldn't linger much longer. By now the Headmaster was probably awake, starting breakfast, or ironing out today's clothing; his usual routine. He'd be wondering what I was doing in here. I didn't need him checking on me. The familiar scent of my shampoo filled the room, calming me, comforting-the hot water relaxing my overly tense muscles, washing the night terrors away; scrubbing away harsh images of blood and fangs.

Of course I loved Kaname. How could I not? He was so kind to me, always smiling and giving me kind and gentle words, things that he seemed to only give to just me-always the perfect, proper gentleman. I didn't love him because he was handsome, though he was the most gorgeous man I knew I would ever lay eyes on, by far. I thought of his dark brown hair, curling just slightly in such a way that suited only him-always falling into his burgundy eyes-his perfect form; he had the palest skin, broad shoulders, long, toned limbs, the way his hips looked as they-I shook my head, feeling the familiar ache tingling between my thighs, not needing much to be turned on by him. Desire, want. I wanted him.

Scrubbing my scalp a little harder than I should have, I imagined Kaname smoothing his long, slim fingers through it, as if he were here, washing my hair in place of me. He always seemed to love my hair, like it was his favorite part of me, always touching it. But it was his eyes that I truly adored most about him. They were the deepest shade of burgundy, with swirling shades of crimson red swimming in their depths, framed by dark, thick lashes-casting shadows against his lovely cheekbones. And sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I would catch him looking at me with such intensity that it shook my very soul, filling my body with fire. I always tried to make it seem as if I never noticed those moments, though. Any other time-when he thought I wasn't looking at him-he just stared at me as if he were alone, and hurting, eyes filled with so much sadness and pain.

"Doesn't he know I'm right here, that I see him?" no. That wasn't right. I had to quit thinking that way. I'd never be able to get though life, school, today, thinking that way. I needed to get over my...affliction for him. My feelings for him. My love for him. My obsession with him that was probably border lining on the unhealthy. Other people noticed it-especially Zero, and he was always quick to point it out. Always teasing me about it like it was something disgusting, something to be ashamed of. But if it was so obvious to other people did that mean that Kaname noticed it too? Did I even want him to notice? I knew, deep in my heart, that we could never be together-Kaname and I. We were from two completely different worlds. He was a vampire, after all. And I was just a human. A plain, boring, ordinary human. A soft, fragile, perishable, human. I would age, wither away with the continuing of time. I would die, and he would go on, living. Probably forever, until the very end of time. He was probably just being nice to me because that was just the type of person he was, polite and kind-a good person, always nice to everyone, a perfect gentleman. That, and he had a good relationship with my father. They were good friends. At leased, they seemed to be from where I was standing. Why else would Kaname have brought me to him when he had found me that night, so long ago?

I turned the water off and climbed out of the shower. The cold air hit me, harsh and unrelenting. Goosebumps rose up on my flesh immediately and I shivered from the lack of warm water, wanting nothing more then to crawl back into the gentle stream of the water's warmth, the comfort it offered-a false security. I walked over to the mirror, ignoring the siren's call. Dipping wet and completely naked, I wiped the steam off of the reflective glass with a wet palm and stared at my nude form. Sliding my slick palms across my waist, I wondered to myself if boys thought I was attractive. I had a fit body, in a way-years of training under the Headmaster saw to that-but I wasn't rail-thin. I had curves where I supposed it mattered; breasts, thighs, waist. In middle school the other girls used to make fun of my body, my breasts especially, staring and whispering to each other. Looking at myself now I realize they were all simply filled with envy. My skin was completely clear and my hair was long, full, thick, and healthy. I wasn't very tall, probably the shortest girl out of all my classmates. I wondered if Kaname found me attractive. I sometimes caught him looking at me, but that could be for any number of reasons.

After drying myself off completely and straightening my hair to perfection-the way I preferred wearing it; it had all these ridicules curls in it that I found to be so annoying-I donned my black silk robe and headed back to my bedroom too get dressed for class. My school uniform was already spread out across my bed waiting for me, and the bed was perfectly made. My father had an annoying habit of ironing my uniform for me every single morning, and then laying it out on my bed while I showered. He would also remake my bed and straighten up my room for me. Not that I minded the royal treatment, he was just really overbearing and super overprotective. I sighed, touching the rich, soft fabric, fingering a heavy silver button on the jacket, wondering why I had to wear a uniform to class anyway. It would be easier to just go in my pajamas. Cross Academy was truly such a lonely place. A gilded cage where all the rich, snobby, snotty people dumped their equally snobbish children off to be educated and babysat by teachers who really couldn't give less of a shit. They just want a big paycheck and an even bigger place in society. To be noticed by the rich, maybe even invited to high-end parties, get in good with an affluent family...Satisfied with knowing they had something to do with the melding of wealthy minds.

Just then my cell phone buzzed-breaking through the absolute silence, making me jump. I picked it up off of my bedside table, wondering who would be messaging me so early in the morning. Surely not Zero. He hardly ever messaged me, unless he needed something. Curiosity taking over, I swiped the screen to unlock it, easily seeing it was a text from my best friend, Yori.

 _Don't sleep in._

I rolled my eyes, tossing my phone onto the mattress. If only she knew how I hardly ever slept at all anymore. Long nights of patrol kept me busy till really late into the evening. When I finally did get back to my room it was my thoughts that kept me wide awake and unsettled. And when I finally did fall asleep, if I _did_ fall asleep, then there were the nightmares. Before I knew it, it was time to be up again. The cycle was relentless.

Eight-thirty wasn't a bad time for class to start, not really. I always imagined we could started later, though, since everyone lives here. Day classes start at eight-thirty in the morning and end at three-thirty in the afternoon. Then Night classes start at eight o'clock at night and end at two in the morning...is that even enough sleep for me to survive? The Headmaster always told me that I was young, and people my age were up all night partying anyway. I always found that appalling, that he said things like that. Not that I had ever complained about my duties to him.

I didn't bother replying back to her. It was already after seven. It's not like I was running late. She knew where I was, home. It's not like my father would let me miss school, anyway. He'd always wake me up in time for class. And even though it also got annoying at times, I liked when Yori fussed and worried over me. It was nice knowing that she cared enough to check in on me. I didn't have a mother, or a sister. Yori almost filled that void, as my best friend.

I looked back at my uniform, lying innocently on my bed, looking not so innocent to me. All I saw were shackles. "Today will be different. I'll be different." I promised myself as I began to dress, tossing my bathrobe on the nearby chair. I wore the usual necessities-bra, panties-but though it might not seem like a big deal, I didn't tuck my shirt into my skirt-as was a requirement at the Academy, leaving the top few buttons undone to drop down into a low V, showing a good amount of cleavage. It was warm out, I didn't need the heavy uniform jacket. Not everyone wore theirs anyway, it wasn't as if not wearing mine would get me into trouble with the teachers. I tossed it aside, instead choosing a baize, fitted button-down cardigan. I topped the outfit off with knee-high black socks and my usual black lace up boots. They were the easiest to move around in. I ran around a lot as a prefect. I even did my makeup today-something I only ever really did for special occasions, I was usually too lazy to do my makeup for anything else. I applied it dark but tasteful-flattering for my pale complexion, but looking at myself in the mirror, I thought it looked beautiful. I looked more grown up, more womanly this way. It was a look I knew I'd be keeping. Eyeing my dark brown locks, though, I knew it wasn't enough. I needed change.

"Yuuki, hurry up. Before Zero eats your breakfast as well!" I heard my father call up from the kitchen.

I grabbed my school bag and headed downstairs quickly. I wasn't one to lose anything to Zero.

The Headmaster was at the stove-his usual spot in the early mornings-wearing his frilly pink apron and stirring something around in a large pot. I assumed he was starting a really early dinner for us. He usually made the strangest food. He liked experimenting in the kitchen at out expense. Zero was at his usual spot at the table, quietly eating his breakfast and sipping some coffee from a ceramic mug. He also had the morning newspaper in front of him. Zero was like an old man. He wasn't one for conversation and idle chatter.

The familiar scene made me smile.

I looked him over silently for a second before entering the kitchen completely. Where Kaname was dark, Zero was the complete opposite. Zero was so pale, his white blonde hair had an ashy tint to it and was always falling into his lavender eyes, hiding them from me. His uniform couldn't hide his muscles from me though, which I secretly appreciated-the results of long hours of tough workouts, he was always working out. He wore his uniform loosely anyway, like he didn't care about anything, about the way he looked, about what people thought of him. I wondered why Zero was so fit, like over the top fit, like if he was secretly self-absorbed.

He caught me staring at him.

"See something you like?" he glanced at me, just long enough for me to know it was me he was talking to before he looked back at his food, turning his eyes away from me, not seeming at all interested in whether or not I answered. He was mocking me, as usual.

"I see a lot of something I do _not_ like." I shot back at him, not missing a beat. I flipped my hair over my shoulders so I wouldn't get any food in it and took my place at the table next to him. He leaned slightly away from me. I raised an eyebrow at him, clearly offended, but he ignored my look, focusing on his breakfast. I knew I definitely didn't smell, since I literally just took a shower.

Zero was usually distant. That wasn't anything unusual, not when it came to him. But lately he's been so cold towards me, which was odd. He never went out of his way to be mean to me. What, was I not allowed to be near him now? I wanted to ask him what his problem was, why he was being such a jerk. But I was a coward. He made me feel nervous and self-conscience.

"What's all over your face?" he questioned duly, not caring for an actual answer, just meaning to embarrass me by pointing out the significant difference in my appearance. He knew I was self-conscious by nature, not liking to be the center of the conversation. However, it took all of my willpower not to reach up and actually feel around my face to see if something was actually there. I knew he was just referring to my makeup.

"I happen to look good." I said, trying my best not to let him get to me, focusing on my breakfast. It consisted of two over-easy eggs and wheat toast. This happened to actually be a personal favorite breakfast of mine, as simple as it seemed. As much as I loved food, I wasn't really much of a breakfast person. I stabbed my forked into the yoke, watching it bleed.

"When my beautiful daughter came into this world she instantly became the most gorgeous girl on earth! On any Earth! In the entire universe! My Yuuki could be a super model with her looks! Zero is just jealous he doesn't compare!" the Headmaster cried out passionately, throwing his arms out wide and spinning around in a circle. "Ah!" he exclaimed, fishing around his large apron pocket till he pulled out his trademark camera. He held it up to his face, pushing his glasses up in the process. "I should take a photo to commemorate this day!" He was exaggerating, of course. Since I was adopted and didn't come to live here until I was around eight years old, there was no way the Headmaster knew what I looked like as a baby. I didn't even know, obviously. There weren't even any pictures...

The flash blinded me.

"You look like a prostitute." Zero droned on, glaring at the Headmaster for blinding him with his camera, sipping his coffee, not ready to give up just yet, needing to have the last word. I reached out and touched the back of his hand, wanting him to look at me, wanting to know what was putting him in such a bad mood today. He was usually distant, but he didn't usually go out of his way to hurt my feelings. Something had to be bothering him. He looked down at me-right into my eyes-and then our hands before moving away from my touch.

The topic needed to be changed. I didn't want to fight with Zero. I wanted us to get along better. "Are you busy later, Zero?" I asked, hopeful-the intimate moment forgotten immediately. "I wanted to do some shopping after classes and was wondering if maybe you'd want to go..." I already knew he'd say no. I could just feel it as I kept talking. My confidence faltered and I couldn't even finish asking him. Though something told me even if I did finish asking him it wouldn't have made a difference. I don't even know why I bothered.

"Go yourself." he said, coldly, rising from the table, ending the discussion all together. I watched him leaving, feeling the empty space in my chest grow with ever step he took-almost as if my heart were breaking. I listened to his retreat until I heard him close the front door behind him. Why is he so cruel to me? The thing was I really did like Zero, a lot. Not romantically of course, but I wanted to be close to him. I wanted us to be friends. Close friends. I only had the Headmaster as my family. I honestly considered Zero like the brother I never had. I wanted to spend time with him, to be close to him, to get to know him better, like real siblings do. I wanted him to trust me the way that I trusted him, to tell me the things that he couldn't tell anyone else, like what he was thinking about in those deep spans of silence and what he's afraid of, his dreams and ambitions and goals. But Zero avoids me like I have the plaque, like he wants absolutely nothing to do with me.

"Don't let Zero bother you, Yuuki. You know how he gets sometimes. It's just his age group. Boys, you know how they are!" he waved it off with his hand like it was a known, tedious fact. "Always so cranky! They don't want anything to do with their families. Always wanting their own space. Probably from puberty!" he laughed loudly. "Maybe you could try asking Yori to go out with you later?" my father tried, smiling brightly at me. "I'm sure she'd be glad to go into town with you. Or if you'd like, I could even go with you! It's been awhile since we've spent special time together outside of the house and school. What do you think, just the two of us? Wouldn't that be fun? Yuuki?" he smiled over at me, patiently waiting for a response.

"Yeah." I stood up and began to clear the dishes from the table, mechanically, not even really hearing him. "Maybe." I knew he was just trying to make me feel better, even though going anywhere with him sounded terrible, he was loud and such an embarrassment all the time. In all the world, I don't think I'd ever meet a sweeter man than my father. Truly, I wasn't even his blood born daughter and he treated me like I was Heaven and Earth, the moon and all the stars, a princess. His princess. Sometimes I wondered why I was so unhappy. Why did I even give a damn about what happened in my past? I have such a wonderful _now_. Looking at my life, with my father giving me such a warm smile-who cares what happened then? I should be more grateful, more accepting.

"I'm heading out." I called from the door, even though class was the last place I wanted to go, especially now. I was feeling really low, being told off like that by Zero. He had made me feel unwanted. I checked my mirror next to the coat rack one last time to make sure my hair and makeup were all in order.

I craved companionship. More than what was probably considered to be normal. It burned inside of me, the desire, the need for it scratching at the edges of my mind. Every minute of every single day that I spent by myself was spent in absolute misery. I hated being alone, I couldn't stand it, left with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company. Sometimes I felt as if I were drowning, my own thoughts consuming me-the loneliness, driving me towards madness. Maybe it's just a flaw I have, personally. Or maybe it's just human nature, wanting to socialize. Maybe everybody feels exactly the same way as I do. Or maybe I just like to tell myself that to make myself feel better, as people so often do. People say they like to stand out in the crowd, that they don't like _going with the flow_. They like being their _own_ person, they like having their own identity. They want to stand out and be original. But that's a bunch of bullshit. People want to fit in. People want to belong. They need to. No one likes to stand out. And no one likes being different from everybody else around them. Anyone who stands out is considered a freak, an outsider. Sure, I have a great best friend. And she really is wonderful. She tries her best to spend time with me whenever she can, to give me proper attention. I really do love her with all my heart. But is it so wrong to want too surround myself with...company, to want more? _I want so much more, I've always wanted so much more._ I feel like there's a hole inside of me. A big, black empty space. And it craves attention, friends, and people to talk too. And not just Yori, and my father, and not even Zero. Hell, maybe I should just buy myself a dog. But I really hate dogs.


	3. Chapter 3

"There you are!" Yori called out from behind me, grabbing onto my elbow, startling me. "Yuuki, you didn't answer my text this morning. I thought maybe you really did sleep in and weren't coming to class." she was slightly out of breath from running to catch up to me. "I was worried I would have to sit through lecture all alone!" she faked a pouty face, sticking her lower lip out slightly, giving me large, sad eyes. "We both know Zero would never sit with me."

"No." I defended, quickly trying to think up an excuse I knew she would believe. "I was in the shower and by the time I saw your message I was already heading out the door so I didn't really see a point in answering..."

She eyed me skeptically, raising an eyebrow, deciding to change the subject and move on to a more interesting topic. I've always been such a lame lair, not that I made a habit out of lying, and Yori saw straight through me regardless, knowing me better than anyone. I found lying to be a very pointless habit. "You look different today, Yuuki." she commented, looking me over.

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked, adjusting my schoolbag against my hip, bored with the topic of my appearance for the day. Zero had already given me enough crap about it earlier. I wasn't in the mood to explain myself to Yori now too. Of course, I knew that she would notice the changes I had carefully made. I mean, not just because Yori is my best friend, but also because she's a girl. Girl's notice each other. As odd as that might sound, it's true. Her opinion mattered to me, obviously. I didn't have a mother, so I could only count on my best friend to tell me whether or not I looked good. It was her job. I wasn't about to ask the Headmaster if I looked okay.

Yori looped her arm through mine as we continued our trek to the classroom, pushing the double doors to the Academy's main building open in sync with me. We had all of our classes together, one of the many perks of being the Headmaster's daughter was I got to choose where I was placed. I always made sure Yori and I were together. "No. I mean, I'm not saying that you look bad or anything. You've always been really pretty, Yuuki. You could wear a burlap sack and you'd still be gorgeous. But I can't help but wonder," she arched a brow at me. "are you trying to impress someone special?" I knew what she was hinting at, I could tell by the tone in her voice, better yet, at _who_ she was referring too.

 _So_ _I looked good, but too good?_

"What? Of course not." I rolled my eyes at her. "I'm just expressing my inner womanhood." I stated confidently. "Can't I look nice without it being considered suspicious?"

Yori laughed loudly. "Well, though I think you look good, I'm sure Kuran-senpai will appreciate the extra effort."

I wrinkled my nose at her, though my heart did flutter at the small, simple mention of Kaname. "It's not extra effort." I argued, even though that was an obvious lie. I knew this was bound to come up eventually, it was sooner than I would have liked, but I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid it, especially not with Yori. She was always eager to talk about my love life. I needed to tell her and it made more sense to do it now since she was the one to have brought it up, even though it would be so much easier to change the subject. "And about that, Yori. With Kaname I-" but before I could say anything more; a small group of girls stepped in front of Yori and I, stopping our conversation all together, blocking our path to the classroom. We had just reached the top of the main staircase at the entrance of the school. The ringleader of the little group-Arisa Takura-stepped forward, crossing her arms across her chest. She had bothered me for years, harassing me about overly dramatic nonsense that I could care less about. She was sort of like my worst enemy-I guess she could be called that, my own personal rain cloud. She wasn't anything too significant, in my opinion. I usually ignored her rude jabs and harsh looks. She was average height, though still slightly taller than me, everyone was taller than me though. She had short light brown hair that she wore cut into a bob. She always wore blue eye shadow all the way up to her eyebrows, even though she had super dark brown eyes that were almost black and too big for her face. Her face was covered in tiny brownish red freckles and her nose was too small and pointed up at an odd angle. She would go out of her way to torment me because she had a crush Kaname and noticed that he paid me special attention. She was always standing outside of the gate to the Moon Dorm after hours, trying to talk to him, trying to get him to notice her, trying to get past me while Zero and I tried to get the students back to their dorm, whispering in my ear that I would never be good enough for him, that I needed to back off and give up. She hated that Kaname spoke only to me, she didn't understand that we were just friends, and nothing more than that. And I wasn't about to tell someone like her my whole life story. She saw through my facade as well as Zero did. She knew I liked Kaname more than I admitted and she was trying to make a competition out of his affections. It's been like that ever since we were in junior high.

"Well well Cross," she taunted, stepping forward, trying to assert her dominance, like she was better than me. "mixing it up a bit today, I see." again, another hit at my appearance. "You know, they say you can put makeup on a pig and it will always still be just an ugly little pig." the other two girls she was with snorted with laughter. And they had such high-pitched, nasally laughter. The kind that you can sort out of a crowded room.

"Who says that?" Yori asked, offended and disgusted by how rude and offensive Arisa was towards me. So was I, but I didn't let it get to me so easily, at least, I never let Arisa see me upset. It wasn't worth it, she wasn't worth it. "Jealous little girls?" Yori was bad at standing up for people-bad with comebacks-but she tried her best when it came to her best friend. I appreciated her efforts.

Arisa just scoffed and brushed Yori's comment off as if it were nothing more than dust on her shoulder. She went on insulting me, not missing a beat. "It doesn't matter how you dress or how much slop you smear across your dirty face. You will never be anything more than a stupid slut, Cross!" maybe she didn't know what a slut was. Of course, she didn't really know me well enough to judge regardless. "The Night Class boys will never look at you! So quit following Kuran-senpai around like a lost puppy and know your place."

I fell on my knees, my palms spreading out on the floor before me to stop me from falling completely over and smashing my face on the linoleum. My cheek stung and felt hot. I reached up to touch were it stung the most, my long hair falling around my face like a curtain, blocking out my surroundings. Arisa had slapped me across the cheek, hard enough to knock me over. It took me a moment too process it, what had actually happened, that she had gone so far as to hit me. Then another moment. And then another. It was like one of those slow motion scenes you would see in a movie, that's how it was processing through my head-my eyes. I couldn't actually believe it. All I could hear was a loud ringing in my ears. Then my heartbeat as it began to rise-pumping loudly-and the blood flooded through after, replacing the harsh ringing, rushing hard and loud. The feeling of Yori's arms around my shoulders followed, feeling hotter than they should have through my clothes-my body was cold, even through my cardigan. Then I heard Arisa's words over and over in my mind, again and again, over and over, like a bad chorus to a stupid song that no one wanted to hear but it kept playing. I could hear her retreating footsteps echoing in the background, heels clicking against the linoleum. My cheek began to sting even more where she had slapped me, red hot and throbbing. Then I saw red.

She should have walked faster. Actually, she should have ran.

"Did that really just happen?" I said out loud, more to myself than too Yori, trying to make sense of what I already knew, of what had just happened. Yori said something back to me, but I didn't hear it. She was probably telling me not to worry about it, or that we should just hurry and get to class before we were late, forget it and move on. But no, not this time. I was done 'not worrying' and 'getting to class on time' whatever that last one means. It doesn't matter. I rose quickly, probably knocking Yori back, but I didn't notice that. I was focused on one thing, one person, one goal. Revenge. I wasn't going to sit back and let her torment me. Not anymore. I promised myself this morning. _Today would be different._

I grabbed Arisa by the elbow first, yanking her back roughly to face me, away from her minions. Not that I thought they would try to stop me. I just wanted her to see what she had coming to her. I wasn't about to hit her from behind, a cheap shot. She still had that stupid, mocking smile on her face. Like she didn't believe I had the strength nor the will to ever defend myself, she was wrong. I shoved she against the nearest wall, her head crashing against the brick. She gasped and I punched her, right in her bitch face. She fell straight to the floor and hard, her limps splaying out around her dramatically. Just one hit and she was already down. But I wasn't done with her yet. Years of torment wouldn't let it end there, with just one hit. She had this look on her face like she didn't understand what was happening, like she was a victim. Well if she was going to think that way then I was going to make sure she knew exactly what being a victim actually felt like. I grabbed her by the collar of her shirt, lifting her up from the floor and hit her again. She fell back against the wall, stumbling. She was dumb and actually tried to push me away from her, thinking she could knock me down, landing her a blow to the stomach. She tried to crawl away then, when she hit the floor. I could hear Yori yelling something at me, but the blood was rushing so loudly through my head-in my ears-I could barley hear her. Then I couldn't her here at all. My heart was pumping hard. I could feel it pulsing against my chest, my temples throbbing. Arisa was coughing and chocking-like she couldn't get enough air in her lungs, trying to crawl away from me, still on her hands and knees. I kicked her in the side and she rolled on to her back, her eyes pinched shut tightly.

Her nose was bleeding bad, she wasn't even trying that hard to get away from me anymore. I realized then how just pathetic she actually was, worming her way across the floor. She had always acted so tough, so superior than me, always trying to bring me down as low as she possibly could. It didn't matter if I avoided her, ignored her, pretended like she didn't exist; she never disappeared. Now she was squirming across the floor like a frightened animal. And then I realized just how pathetic I actually was. How many years did this pathetic little wretch torment me, torture me, haunt me with her hateful words and obscene gestures, doing whatever she could just to humiliate me? I looked at her now as she crawled along the floor like an insect. And it made me sick. She wasn't better than anyone. Why did it take me so long to figure it out? I wanted her to know how she made me feel after all those long years. I kicked her in the lower back when she rolled onto her knees and tried to crawl away again, knocking her flush against the floor, then again in the abdomen twice before someone pulled me away from her. I struggled against them, trying to break free from their iron hold. I wasn't finished with her yet, not yet. She needed to know what I felt like. She needed to know what it was like to feel like nothing. "Let go of me." I yelled, still in a rage.

"Yuuki!" Zero shook me roughly, jarring me. My teeth hit against each other. "Knock it off!"

I froze, staring right into Zero's lavender eyes. He was gripping me tightly by my upper arms, lifting me off the ground. His voice piercing straight through me, like an off switch. The red melted away from my sight and my blood slowed, adrenalin dissipating from my veins. I relaxed in his arms and lowered my head, staring at our shoes as he set me back on my feet-mine so much smaller than his-willing myself to disappear. That was the problem with Zero, he always got to me, always made me see the flaws in my actions.

Zero dragged me off-most likely to the Headmaster's office, shoving past the small crowed of students that had gathered to watch the show, yelling at them all to get back to class as we passed. I noticed so had their cell phones out and had probably been recording it.

Great.


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't know what you were thinking, Yuuki. This isn't like you at all! I mean fighting, really?! What am I suppose to do with this?! About this?! You really did damage to that girl! What exactly am I supposed to say to her parents when they call and ask me-the Headmaster-why _my own daughter_ assaulted theirs?! That's what that was! Assault! Tell me please! If you think for just one minute that..." he trailed off, unsure of how to continue. It was strange, really, if I honestly thought about it. My father seemed to always at least have _something_ to say. Even if it was dumb and didn't make any sense in the least, he would say it anyway. Now, he seemed to be at a complete loss for words. Now he just sat down behind his desk-finally ceasing his incessant pacing-hands crossed in front of his mouth and stared at me over his glasses. I met his gaze with steady eyes, confident in my own actions, knowing I was right in what I had done. Was he seriously expecting an answer? What was I supposed to say?

I was currently seated in a high backed, cushioned, wooden chair. It was as uncomfortable as this entire situation. For as comfortable as our private residence was, the Headmaster's office was the exact opposite of comfortable. It was overly crowded with poorly organized filling cabinets, side tables, too many chairs, his desk was overly large, there were even larger stacks of papers lining some of the walls. It was dimly lit, the only lamp sat flickering in the corner, threatening to burnout. And it was uncomfortably stuffy.

As soon as Zero dragged me into the Headmaster's office he had excused himself, pushing me into the only chair that wasn't overflowing with documents and leaving me to fend for myself. The adrenaline I had felt only a few moments before had completely drained from my entire system, not an ounce of it remained, leaving me feeling slightly foolish for the course of action I had chosen to take. Now, I had to explain those actions to my father, something I had never had to do before. I was always the well-behaved, obedient one.

Really? Assault? He wasn't even there and now he thought to throw out accusations, at me? I was his daughter, for crying out loud. He could at least ask for my side of things, after all, Arisa did hit me first. I was just defending myself, sort of, even if she didn't exactly fight back. Instead he blames the whole thing on me, like it was truly all my fault. What happened to 'always being on my side'? or whatever. "Are you up for suggestions?" I asked. "Or are you just thinking out loud here?" in all fairness, I was honestly curious where his thoughts were going. I wasn't actually tying to sass him. I wasn't one to talk back to my father. I wasn't a rude and disrespectful daughter. I don't think he's ever been mad at me before. He defiantly has never raised his voice at me and I've never been grounded, or anything like that! Of course, I really couldn't blame him. Me fighting physically-or at all-with anyone, especially another student, was defiantly out of my character. I don't think I've ever even yelled at anyone before-not counting arguing with Zero. I'm not saying that I was an obnoxious pacifist, I just avoided confrontation, and people, altogether. I was sort of a loner.

"Yuuki, you're really testing my patience here." he removed his glasses and dropped them on the desk, apparently feeling exasperated. They slid across the polished wood. Leaning back in his chair, he sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. He let out another heavy sigh. I don't think I've ever heard him sigh so much in such a short period of time. "This is a very serious situation." his voice was strained.

"Well you're overreacting." I said, still oddly calm. He was going to let me explain what had _actually_ happened, whether he liked it or not. "I did not _damage_ her, Headmaster. You should get all of the facts straight before you start accusing me of-"

"Yuuki." he cut me off, voice stern and full of authority, a tone he's never used with me before. He was just staring at me, like he didn't even know who I was. That bothered me. A lot. I didn't do anything wrong, did I? I didn't feel like I did. I mean, I understood that violence was wrong, that it is _never the answer._ I could have left things alone, reported her to a teacher, of even to him personally. But she had hit me first. Why couldn't he just hear me out? Why couldn't he just ask me what had happened? Why was he taking her side? Why was he blaming this whole thing on me? I was his daughter. His _only_ daughter. "I honestly don't know what to do with you right now. I'm very disappointed in you. It's like you're a different person." ouch. He didn't mean that. He was just upset with me, with the entire situation. He was always the fun-loving dad, never the demanding, authoritative, dictator that had to think up punishments for his super well-behaved daughter. He never had to actually be a _parent_ with me. I guess we were more like friends. I've never put him in such a situation before. "Maybe Kaname will have an idea."

Now he was testing _my_ patience. "Kaname? Are you serious?" I stared down at the back of my hand, knuckles raw and bloody, squeezing fistfuls of my skirt tightly, causing more blood to ooze out of the skin. They would surely scar once they healed over. "Is that really your answer to every difficult situation? You go crying to Kaname, get him to fix all of your problems?" Why was I defending him when he clearly wasn't doing the same for me? I was his daughter for crying out loud and he wasn't even giving me a chance. "Just tell me please, because maybe I just don't understand your relationship with him as well as I apparently should. Exactly what does that have to do with me?" my temper was rising fast.

The Headmaster arched an eyebrow at me. He sighed heavily. I wished he's stop sighing. I didn't want to hear it anymore. "Yuuki-"

I cut him off, finally snapping, having enough of this pathetic excuse of a lecture. As a Headmaster of an academy, _and_ a father, he was really bad at lecturing. You'd think he'd be really good at at least this much. "I'm not a little girl anymore! You can't threaten me anymore with tattling to Kaname about how I was 'a bad girl' It doesn't work anymore. So go ahead! Go and tell the vampire overlord-or whatever the hell he's supposed to be here-that you're having a hard time controlling your own daughter!" I threw my arms up for emphasis, not catching that I just cursed at him. "I could give less of a shit!" my voice rose till the end of my rant, finally ending with me yelling at him, another thing I never did.

I got up, knocking the chair I was sitting in over-it crashed loudly to the floor- and stormed out of the room, slamming the door as hard as I could behind me. It shook the wall, and probably knocked over some framed photos.

Just what the hell was that anyway?

I was angry, so angry. Angry enough that I was crying. None of it made sense. The worst of it was I felt like such a fool, like it really was all my fault. The Headmaster made me feel that way-he made me feel like every choice I had made was the wrong one. I'm sure I was acting immature. I could have handled it all better, differently. Knowing that I could have made different choices made the feeling that much worse. Violence isn't the answer, after all. But it was so much more effective. And I definitely felt in control then, powerful. I just wanted a quiet, happy, peaceful life where I got everything I wanted and everyone understood me, and listened to me when I was trying to explain myself. A place where I didn't ever _have_ to explain myself! To anyone! Was that too much to ask? A place where Kaname understood and returned my feelings, Zero wasn't such an asshole and wanted to talk to me and hang out like real siblings are supposed to do, I could tell Yori everything about vampires and the Night Class, and most of all, my past...my parents. I wanted to know why...about so many things. I wanted my real parents.

On my way out of the Academy, I had to pass the Night Dorms. Not because I wanted too, that's just how the grounds were laid out. There weren't many students crowding the gates today. They were all probably still buzzing about the fight from earlier. Stuff like that never happened around here. This was a prestigious, private school, after all, filled with spoiled brats that probably didn't even know what their own blood looked like, let alone someone else's. It was probably the highlight of the entire school year, too. That was the sad part about this whole thing. If I wasn't all pissed off, I'd probably be off thinking about how I kicked that bitch's ass, too. That almost made me smile. Almost.

I ducked behind a tree when the gate to the Moon Dormitory began to creak open. I just wanted to have a small look, just one, quick peek at him. But me being myself, and all the excitement from the day, and no matter my wishful thinking, will always forget that the Night Class consists entirely of vampires. And that the man that I have been in love with for ten long years is their leader, also a vampire. Kaname noticed me first, he always does-smelling my blood from my cracked knuckles on the light breeze-and as far away as I was, I could still read the question in his eyes, _what happened?_ But I just didn't care enough to answer him, not this time.

I stopped at the fountain to rinse the blood off of my hands before heading into town.


	5. Chapter 5

I didn't know what drove me here, not at first, at least. It wasn't like me to do drastic such things, especially not to myself. I wasn't one for standing out, being dramatic, drawing unnecessary attention to myself. But I had been thinking about doing it for awhile now, and after what had happened today I decided that this was exactly what I needed to do to get my mind off of the bad things. Hasn't change always been considered a good thing?

My knuckles ached and stung, the skin burning whenever I tried to make a fist or flexed my fingers to far; a harsh reminder of my earlier actions. The skin was blue from bruising and splotched with drying blood. The wound was still slowly oozing, I didn't have any bandages to bind it up with.

I hardly ever went into town on my own. I would never admit it out loud, but I was afraid, afraid to be alone. Usually Yori went with me, or sometimes even Zero would, when I could convince him to. I didn't like to be alone. Not since that incident ten years ago. When I was alone I felt like there were eyes on me, watching me, eyes that I couldn't see, but could feel on me-following me wherever I went. I could feel breath on the back of my neck, breathing in my ear, hear heavy footsteps-crunching in the frozen snow, snow that had melted so long ago, soaked with the blood of the monster that thought to take my life that night. The image of that rouge vampire lying dead at my feet in a pool of it's own blood surrounded in snow with it's throat torn out, Kaname looming over it, his hands dripping with it's blood-flashed across my mind, making me shiver. I knew that that rouge vampire was long dead, but I never felt safe when I was alone, especially in town, surrounded by strangers. But today, I wanted to be far away from everyone. I just wanted to be alone.

"Are you sure though? It's such a beautiful shade already. It'd feel like a crime to dye it." there was a hairstylist standing directly behind me, gazing at my hair through the mirror's reflection, fussing over it. She was dressed all in black and wore her unnaturally bright red hair pulled back into a tight bun on the top of her head, causing her eyes to slant slightly. It looked painful.

I was nervous, extremely so. But I knew that if I kept thinking about it, about what it was that I was about to do, I'd end up losing my nerve, changing my mind and heading straight home. I knew in my heart that this was what I wanted to do. I had promised myself this morning that things were going to change. I was going to see that promise through to the end.

I was sitting in a hydraulics chair in a local beauty salon. The black salon cape around my throat was extremely itchy and choking the life out of me. I had always heard good things about this particular salon from the waitresses at my favorite ice cream shoppe, so it was the one I choose. It wasn't a very busy place, but it was clean and bright, and everyone seemed upbeat and friendly.

I've never once changed my hair color in all my life. I barely ever cut it, keeping it comfortably at my waist.

I took a really long look in the mirror, turning my head this way and that, catching myself at different angles, wondering what she liked so much about it. It didn't seem so special. It was just hair to me. "It's brown." I stated, matter-of-factly. "Lots of people have brown hair, like, a whole lot. It's not so special."

"I've never seen a more beautiful shade of brown though!" the stylist fussed, running her fingers though the long strands, curling her fingers in the ends, gushing over it. "Look at the reds! And these highlights! I bet it just catches on fire in the sun!" she exclaimed, like she was about to burst.

I pictured stepping out of the house in the morning-heading to school like any other old day-the moment my body hits the sun my head bursts into flames, I couldn't help myself. I shivered, cringing at the thought. "That's morbid." I shook the mental image away.

"Oh it's an expression!" she ran her fingers through it again, as if it were a rare element or fine, expensive silk, as if she would never get another opportunity to touch it again if she didn't do it now, and keep doing it. Which she probably really wouldn't, depending on the outcome of my hair and whether or not I liked it.

"I'm gonna have to ask you to loosen this cape." I said, slightly apologetically, tugging at it. I didn't like complaining but I wasn't comfortable. "I have a thing with my neck...and stuff touching it." I shivered, not wanting to think about my weird- and probably-strange affliction, but the vampire from my reoccurring nightmares still flashed behind my eyes, taunting me even in my waking hours, ripping into my neck and draining my life out of my body. She looked at me skeptically but loosened it all the same.

Kaname loves my hair. When I was a little girl he had said something about not ever cutting it, just for his sake. I would still trim it every now and then-ridding myself of the dead ends, but I always kept it long, just for him, like he had asked of me. He never asked me for anything since then. "Black." I said, flatly. He's always finding a reason to touch it. Whenever we're face to face, his fingers always end up caressing my hair first, softly running through from root to tip at least once.

"What? I'm sorry?"

"Dye it black." I repeated. "As dark as you possibly can." he loves my hair. Kaname has always loved my hair. I wonder if it would disappoint him, if I changed the color. I wondered if he would stop touching it. "Oh, and cut some layers in there too. God, I look like I'm still twelve. And if I cry, just ignore it. I'm just about to kill my childhood dreams, is all." she looked at me like I was crazy, but went along with it all the same. I probably sounded crazy too, telling her I'd probably end up crying like a child while she destroyed my shining brown hair. She wouldn't understand though, and I wasn't about to tell her why.

And as the dye washed down the drain, so did my pathetic affection for the one man I wanted more than any one else in the entire world, but knew I could never have.


	6. Chapter 6

"That looks good, that dye job."

I had just walked out of the salon and had turned back to give my new hair another look through the shop's window when someone called out to me-a deep, masculine voice. He had startled me, to say the least. I probably looked ridicules with how badly I jumped.

I turned to find the voice's owner. A boy who couldn't have been younger than twenty-two was leaning against a tree, dressed all in black, and smoking a cigarette-looking casual as shit.

"What makes you think I had it dyed?" I asked, smoothing it back out, openly looking him up and down. I was high on the confidence my new hair gave me. Plus there was no way this stranger knew who I was. I would probably never see him again.

He pushed his dark sunglasses higher up on his nose. The wind blew, giving me a small glimpse of the silver rings in his ears and cross tattoo on his neck. He reminded me of Zero, only darker and friendlier. I smiled at the thought.

He moved to stand in front of me and offered me a cigarette, which I took immediately-without even thinking about it, leaning into his hands to catch the light he also offered, smoothing my fingertips over the back of his hand. I don't know why I took it. I didn't smoke. I took a slow, deep drag-testing the waters. By the Grace of God I didn't choke.

This wasn't me at all, talking to strangers. I didn't know a thing about him. He could be a murderer for all I knew. And accepting cigarettes of all things! Today was defiantly a day to be noted.

"What's your name?" he asked me, smoothly, ignoring the question about my hair completely. For some reason that didn't bother me at all, that he blew me off. I wanted him to keep talking. I wanted to hear more of his voice.

"Yuuki." I answered immediately, without even thinking about it. I don't know why I told him my name. I could have told him any old name and he wouldn't have known the difference. He didn't need to know who I really was. Then I wondered why I wanted to lie about my name in the first place. Why did it matter if he knew what it was? We didn't know each other. In the end, I really was a nobody, as sad as that sounds. And a name is just a name, right? It was extremely unlikely that we would ever see each other again after this.

But he didn't even miss a beat, probably not even caring what my name was. I mean, obviously he couldn't hear my inner turmoil, but conversation came so natural to him. He didn't have to think of anything interesting to say. And nothing seemed forced. It all just flowed, so smoothly from his lips. He gestured towards my hands, noticing the bruising, raw flesh. "Battle scars?"

"You should see the other guy." That made him smile, and his smile was beautiful.

"I'd like to kiss you, Yuuki."

I stared into his handsome face, exhaling smoke, wishing I could see the eyes of this mysterious stranger that thought himself worthy of my first kiss, thinking I'd need to go buy some gum after thins to hide the cigarette smell on my breath. But then I thought of Kaname. I wanted to kiss Kaname, I've wanted too for years. But I knew we would never be together anyway. Wasn't that the whole point of today's excursion, to see the 'light'? It was stupid of me for ever thinking to save myself for someone like him, childish, so dumb. I could think of a million other hateful words to describe myself or I could fulfill this morning's promise.

"Okay." I said simply.

And he took my head in his hands, not waiting for a single second for me to change my mind, leaning in slowly, and pressed his lips against mine. I wondered for a split second if I came off as clumsy and awkward. I've never had a kiss before-I wasn't about to tell this stranger that-but I've seen other people do it, and I've read books, I got the idea. But it doesn't matter how many books you read or how many movies you watch, nothing compares to the real thing. His mouth was slow and sweet and his lips were warm and soft and for the life of me I wanted this moment to last forever, even if he was a complete stranger and I didn't even know his name or a single thing about him. My heart was beating faster than I ever thought was possible and my blood was rushing in my ears and my legs felt weak and right then he reached out with his teeth and for the shortest second pressed into my lower lip-then it was over.

He was gone.

I opened my eyes not realizing I had closed them, only to see that he was walking away-had turned his back on me and was leaving.

I pressed my fingers to my lips, feeling a lingering tingle in them as I stared at his retreating back, blankly. I took another long drag from my cigarette, deciding that one; saving kisses was indeed, stupid and two; I needed some ice cream.

I really loved ice cream.


	7. Chapter 7

It was dark by the time I got back to the Academy, and late, after one in the morning, according to my cell phone. I also noticed that I didn't have a single missed call, or text message. Apparently, no one cared where I'd been all day or cared if I'd been murdered.

Strangely, with everything that had happened outside of school today-changing my hairstyle, meeting that strange and handsome boy, having my very first kiss with said stranger-there was only one thing I was thinking of. Or rather, one person. I guess you could say that _we_ sort of had some _unfinished_ business to take care of. Of course, if I was this person, I'm sure I would strongly disagree with myself. I would probably want nothing to do with me.

As a prefect-and the Headmaster's daughter-I had a master key to the school building. It unlocked every door in the school. I also I one for each of the separate Dorms; the Sun and the Moon. They unlocked all the separate dorm rooms. So I guess you could say you didn't really want to get on my bad side. Though, no one really made much of an effort to stay on my good side. Not that I was the type of person to really steal anyone's belongings.

My first stop after getting back on campus-and after realizing what I needed to do, what I wanted to do-was the school's infirmary. I don't know why I thought she'd still be there. It was late. There was no way the nurse was still in office. And there was also no way that anyone would let a student remain in the school on their own, whether they were sleeping in the infirmary or not. That was just asking for trouble.

But I checked all the same, after all, you never know. And there was no harm in checking. I was in no hurry, it wasn't like she was going anywhere. Not tonight, at least. It was late, after all.

The key slipped in the lock easily. I knew exactly which key went to which building. I grew up here, after all. I've spent years locking and unlocking these doors. The school was dark inside. I doubted there was anyone left in here. No teachers, and defiantly no students. I wasn't too worried about the Night Class students either. If they didn't get out early-which they almost always did for some reason-my presence wouldn't be strange to them, on the off chance that I happened to run into anyone. They were always to remain in their designated classrooms. There was always the off chance that the Headmaster was creeping around the halls. He was sometimes known to stay in his office till pretty late. I discovered when I was still pretty young that he and Kaname would have these strange little _get-togethers_. I also discovered that my presence wasn't very welcome during those private conversations. I never knew what they were talking about in their meetings. My father had a strange way of knowing exactly where I was at all times. But not only that, there was Kaname's inhumanly sharp senses that made eavesdropping practically impossible. He could always hear me sneaking around the corners.

The infirmary was empty, the few beds sat made and vacant, as if no one had ever been in there to begin with. As I had expected they would be. But that didn't really matter. There was only one other place she could be.

"Done slacking off?"

I slammed the infirmary door the rest of the way shut-being startled-meaning to close it quietly. I spun around violently, pressing my back against the door to face the intruder.

Zero was leaning against the wall behind me, watching me intently, arms folded across his chest, face hidden in shadows.

I took a deep breath to steady my racing heart before addressing him. "I haven't been slacking off, Zero. I would never take that away from you." I mocked. I cleared my throat before stepping forward and turning my back to him, rolling my eyes at his accusation. I locked the infirmary door and walked past him, determined to finish what I had started.

"Where've you been, Yuuki? The Headmaster was worried." he asked, ignoring my jab.

He couldn't have been that worried. My phone didn't ring once since I'd been out. Truth was I wanted the Headmaster to worry a little. He had really hurt my feelings with the way he blamed me for everything that had happened earlier. I wasn't going to tell Zero that, though. He'd probably tell me that I was being a selfish crybaby and that it really was my fault and I needed to get over it.

It didn't surprise me that Zero didn't notice my new hairstyle-not that I was expecting him to compliment me. It was dark in the building, but he never paid attention to me anyways. I could probably shave myself bald, tattoo my entire scalp to look like a brain and Zero still wouldn't notice.

"None of your business. I'm going to finish my rounds. Leave me alone." I didn't need him getting in the way.

I was surprised that he actually complied, leaving it at that.

On my way to the Sun Dorm I ran the scenario where Arisa's parents had already swooped in to rescue her through my head. Worrying the conversation over in my mind that they had already had with my father. Blaming me for being an imbalanced danger to everyone around me. Demanding expulsion from the Academy and commitment to some mental hospital. She didn't scare me, but my father was really worried about this whole affair. The Headmaster's reputation was perfectly flawless-as far as I knew. And so was this Academy's, that I did know. He's always talked about how this place had always been his dream, this school. Of course only a select few of us knew about the whole human-vampire-pacifism thing being his _real_ dream. How he wanted coexistence. He didn't disserve all the stress I was sure to have caused him. This was my problem, after all. And I would solve it on my own for once.

I unlocked her door and slipped quietly inside, making sure no one else was in the hallway to see me going in. I knew what her room number was before I came here. I was a prefect, after all. Part of my duties were performing dorm inspections. Her roommate was sound asleep, even snoring lightly. They both were. I wasn't really counting on her roommate being here, I didn't think that part entirely through. I didn't really think any of this through. I was kind of here on impulse. I had never broken into someone's room to threaten them before. Of course she'd have a roommate, everyone here does. As long as I was careful...

I locked the door behind me before moving to Arisa's bed, just in-case one of them did wake up and possibly screamed, causing one of the other students to come running. Her face was so swollen. Her lower lip was cut down the middle, her left eye was bruised black. There was a cut on her forehead-most likely from when she hit the floor. As I looked her over though, I found that I still didn't feel remorse for what I had done to her, no matter how horrid she looked on the outside, I knew she looked a million times worse on the inside-she _was_ worse on the inside. In my heart she still deserved every bit of what she got.

I covered her mouth with my hand before straddling her, over the covers-wanting to make sure she couldn't get away from me for a second time, and wanting to make sure she didn't scream and wake up the whole Dorm. Her eyes snapped open and she lurched, trying immediately to sit up and get away from the sudden, unknown intrusion. But I held her firmly in place, pressing her into the mattress. When she saw that it was me, she froze, her eyes locked with mine, widening. Fear, she looked afraid of me. _Good,_ I thought to myself. _She should be._

"You look like, Hell." I whispered, smiling sweetly down at her. "I hope I didn't wake you?" of course I did, obviously she had been sleeping. I knew I did and she knew I did. But I was calling the shots now. She wouldn't torment me anymore. Now it was my turn. "I know it's late, but I thought we could talk, you know, about what happened, before. We didn't really get a chance to finish our conversation from earlier. You see, I've been having a really hard time sleeping...tonight. I'm sure you understand why?" She tried to talk but I pushed down harder on her mouth. She probably had some smartass comeback to throw at me. She wasn't talking now. "Don't interrupt me. Don't you know it's rude to interrupt someone when they're speaking..." I cleared my throat. "Now, I remembered something...something that happened quite awhile ago." I said, almost nostalgically, as if I were remembering something really fondly. Arisa and I had shared no fond memories. "It was during our first year of high school. Do you remember that far back? You did hit your head pretty hard today, after all." She just stared at me, eyes wide. "Anyway, I've never had many friends, not like you did, still do. You always had a way of getting anyone to come to your side. Even though you're a total bitch. I don't know how they don't see it. Anyway, I was taking a shower after P.E. class, like everyone else. We were running laps that day, I remember it so perfectly. It was so hot out. I remember feeling so exhausted. You had come into my stall with two of your friends, you always have two other girls with you, following you around where every you go like shadows, like minions. It's gross and weird. Coming into the shower with me like that while I was completely naked, dripping with water and suds, I didn't know what to think in such a situation. You had grabbed me by my hair and shoved my face against the wall-even though we were both naked, you had no problem touching my body, pressing yourself against it." I cringed at the image of her bare flesh flush against mine. "You whispered low in my ear that since I'm used to whoring myself around campus anyway, I might as well continue on doing so without any clothing. And then you threw my clothes into the water, laughing as I tried to gather them all up before they could get completely soaked." I shook my head. "I don't understand why you think I'm a whore. I've never done anything to justify such actuations-" I caught myself. I didn't have to explain myself to her. "I hate you." I seethed, shoving her down harder into the mattress. That had been so humiliating. I had never felt more vulnerable and exposed than I did in that moment. Recalling it made my eyes momentarily fill with tears. I had been so embarrassed. I had to wear my P.E. uniform back to the dormitory-even though it was drenched in sweat and covered in dirt-and borrow one of Yori's spare uniforms. Everyone I walked passed looked at me because my clothes smelled bad and looked filthy. Then I received detention for showing up late to class. I hated her even more for giving me these horrible feelings, for making me feel hatred, for having so much power over me. "This is getting boring. I'll get straight to the point, I'd hate to waste anymore of your time. Though I'm sure you know there were many people who witnessed me beating the absolute shit out of you this morning, you must know that there are _some_ people who have _no_ incident this even occurred." Obviously I was referring to her parents here. "And I swear to whatever the fuck you believe in, if you open your lying whore mouth and speak of it again I will drag you to Hell." a bit dramatic on my part. But it seemed that the pointed got across. She literally shivered under my hands, trembling from a mental image I couldn't see but was hoping she wouldn't soon forget. I knew she wouldn't be bothering be again. "I'm leaving. Let me know if you have any questions. Sleep well."


	8. Chapter 8

_It's cold. It's always so cold here. I'm freezing. I don't want to be out here anymore. It hurts so much! I wanna be warm. Why is it like this? And it's so dark. Why is it always so dark here? I can't see anything at all. I don't want to be in the dark any longer. What am I doing here? Why am I here? Why did I get left here, in the middle of nowhere? Where do I go now? I don't know where I'm supposed to go now. My legs are hurting and my socks are wet. My feet are too cold. They hurt. I don't want to run anymore. I'm too tired. I want to go to sleep. There's too much snow here. It's hard to move around in all of this snow. It's making my coat all wet. Why am I all alone? Who left me here? I don't understand. I don't understand any of this! I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Everything hurts. I'm scared. I'm so scared! It's gonna get me! It's gonna eat me!_

"Oh my God, Yuuki..."

"What?"

"What do you mean what? Obviously your hair! What in the world happened to your hair?! Why is it black?! And then there was that entire mess yesterday! You have _so_ much explaining to do! I've literally been texting you all night and you've been ignoring me! Why?! I want details!"

Yori and I were having our lunch outside at our usual spot, under this really big, old tree. I had to miss the first half of the school day thanks to my father sending me on stupid errands as, what he considered, _punishment_. He's still mad at me and apparently doesn't care if it effects my education.

"First of all, Yori, I have not been ignoring you. The Headmaster has confiscated my cell phone until 'further notice', his words, not mine. Also, it's called hair dye. I got it dyed yesterday because it was boring me."

"Just like that?" Yori asked, in minor disbelief, referring to my hair. She had liked my brown hair. She would often tell me she was jealous of it. I never understood why she wouldn't dye hers, if she liked mine so much she could change her color so easily. She would never tell me, though. I think it had something to do with her family, and the hold they had over her.

"Just like that." I said around a mouth full of egg sandwich. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that change is a good thing, Yori-chan? You need to be a bit more open minded."

She considered that for a moment before changing the subject. "So, that's it with the whole Arisa thing, then? He just took your phone away, case closed? No groundings? No suspensions? Her parents didn't even have a thing to say about the matter? Nothing at all? Come on, Yuuki, I'm dying over here!"

That was a tricky one to answer. While I wasn't _really_ being punished, I wasn't sure if I should tell Yori about how I sneaked into Arisa's dorm room last night and threatened to make her life a living Hell if she made a big deal about this whole little tryst; since my father was so worried that her parents were going to call him and flip shit, making the Academy look bad or whatever. I didn't really understand it entirely myself, but he was worked up about it and that meant I had to fix it. And I did, so it seemed. The phone hasn't rung, so far. Apparently, my intimidation tactic worked. Arisa's kept her mouth shut.

I shrugged. "I guess. He'll probably cave-in and give it back if I, like, pout at him or something. And Arisa... well she probably realized she's a terrible person to me all this time and that she deserved what she got and has kept her mouth shut to her mommy and daddy."

Yori giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. "I can't believe you attacked her, Yuuki. That was so unlike you!"

"Hey, she hit me first, right? You were right there. You saw."

"Yeah but, it was really surprising. I just didn't expect it from you. Though, I'm not saying she deserved it-I'm not saying she didn't deserve it either."

"Well you should have heard the Headmaster. He basically blamed the entire thing on me. Wish I had you there to defend my honor." I joked, nudging her with my elbow.

"He really does love you." Yori commented, she had a far-off look in her eyes. I felt her mood drop.

"Well yeah. He's my dad, right? Why wouldn't he?" I swallowed the rest of my sandwich, wiping my hands off on the soft grass next to me. I had forgotten a napkin. I leaned forward onto my stomach, propping myself up on my elbows, knees bent up, feet kicking lazily at the empty air, and began the struggle of opening my applesauce. They were sealed so tightly as if the makers didn't want anyone eating them. Luckily, I remembered to bring a spoon. "I know he isn't gonna be mad at me forever, or anything like that."

"I envy your relationship, is all." Yori began twisting my freshly dyed hair into a three-stranded plate. "I think I might really like this color on you, Yuuki. It makes you look really mysterious, maybe a tad bit edgy. Though, your brown hair really was beautiful."

I knew Yori and her father didn't get along very well. She would go into a different room whenever he called her on the phone, as if she were embarrassed to be overheard. It was something that didn't sit well with her and a subject that she didn't like to talk about. I left it alone, not wanting to upset her farther.

"I got kissed yesterday." I wasn't going to tell her. But to be honest, it really was exciting. I felt lighter and whenever I thought about that mysterious stranger's lips pressed against mine my heart began to race and I felt butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

"What?! How? When?!" Yori yanked my hair back, forcefully turning my head to face her. Her eyes were practically bulging out of her skull, awaiting me to divulge all the gory details.

"Ouch!" I complained loudly.

"Spill!" she demanded, tugging insistently on my poor, sensitive scalp. "You'd better tell me everything!"

"Okay, relax! I'll tell you! Jeez! Don't yank my hair." I turned to face her properly, folding my legs underneath me, and rubbed at my wounded scalp. "I went out to get my hair done yesterday, as you already know. And right afterwards, I was just hanging around town, just wasting time, and there was this boy..." I thought for a second not sure exactly how to go on. The kiss had just happened, with a complete stranger. The more I thought about it, the stranger it seemed, even to me, and I was there. Yori wasn't going to like this at all. "Actually, I'm not really sure how it happened. Not exactly. We just kissed."

"So wait... you're telling me that it wasn't with Kaname?" I shouldn't think it strange that Yori would assume I'd kiss Kaname. She knows about my obsessive crush on him. How it's always been with him. But she doesn't know that he's a vampire. That that's the main reason I've been hesitating telling him my feelings. That's not my secret to tell. Though it burns me to keep it to myself. It would be so much easier if I could tell Yori about Kaname and the Night Class students, how they're all vampires. Then she would understand why Kaname and I could never be together. Then maybe she would quit trying to push us closer together, and quit throwing salt in my open wounds, even though she has no idea she's doing that. It would be so much easier.

"No..." I sighed despondently, wishing desperately that I was saying yes. "That's never going to happen between us." she needed to know that I was giving up on him. Now. Before she did anything dumb that would end in me being really embarrassed. "Yori, I've decided to move past Kaname. We'd never work out anyway. I'm just wasting my time with him."

She was quiet for a moment, letting my words sink in. "Yuuki, are you serious? You can't be serious. You've been in love with him since you were like, what, eight years old?!" she sounded how I felt on the inside, hurt and confused, and it didn't make any sense. It's not like she was throwing away her feelings for the one person she's ever loved-ever will love, ever wanted to love, locking up her true feelings, her heart. I was probably being overly dramatic, but I always thought that Kaname was the only one for me, the only one I've ever truly wanted. Ignoring my feeling was truly painful, and Yori trying to force them back out of me-trying to force out an explanation-was making me angry and hurting me even more. I wanted to scream at her-to tell her off-yell that it was none of her damn business and that she just needed to stay out of it and mind her own.

"Because."

"Because? Just because? You aren't even going to give me an actual reason?" she pressed.

"Do I need to?" she was truly pressing my nerves. I didn't want to talk about this. "I mean, Yori, come on. Just let it go. It doesn't matter." I knew that anymore of this and I really would end up snapping at her. And as much as she was pissing me off, Yori was my best friend, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She was just worried about me, after all.

"But it does matter. Yuuki?" Yori's eyes were confused and concerned, and I hated it. I didn't want to be pitied. I just wanted her to understand and accept it. "Can't we just talk about it? Help me understand this better."

I gathered my things together quickly and stood, having enough with this conversation. "Yori, listen, I just had a change of heart. It _happens_. People move on from each other. Almost like an epiphany, of sorts. Honestly. Don't try and scold me when you won't even go and tell Zero how you feel about him." she blushed at the mention of Zero and her sever, secretive crush on him. Though, I had no idea what she saw in him. "Now I'm supposed to go and take this-" I held up a journal containing the Night Class's weekly attendance records in it for her to see. "-to the Headmaster's office. I'll see you later."

Walking back into the Academy I tried to think about myself from Yori's point of view, how she was seeing me. I guess she was just trying to protect my heart, as I assumed any best friend would do for their best friend. But I could do that on my own, at least I felt as if I could. That's what I was trying to do by leaving my feelings for Kaname behind. I didn't need anyone to take care of me. I was plenty old enough to make my own decisions. I was trying really, really hard to leave Kaname behind. She didn't need to push me back into the opposite direction. In my opinion, a good friend would accept and support my decisions.

Yori doesn't even like the Night Class.

I began to flip through the attendance journal, looking at all the names of all the vampires in the academy. There weren't that many Night Class students here, not if you compared them to the Day Class. It was my understanding that the Headmaster's idea of a pacifistic coexistence between humans and vampires still didn't sit well in vampire society. Not very many vampires followed Kaname here. Their names were all listed, checked off, and the sheets signed by me, followed suit by Kaname. His signature was so perfect, it flowed so beautifully across the paper. He almost always signed after me, being their leader. As the class president, dorm head, and whatever else he was to them; he never missed class.

I was walking down the long corridor to the Headmaster's office-still flipping through the attendance log journal, lost in my thoughts-when I stepped on my own shoelace, tripping myself. My heart leapt up into my throat and I felt myself falling towards the earth. I heard the journal hit the floor first, anticipating the pain I knew was inevitable next, squeezing my eyes shut tightly, not wanting to see the impact. But it never came.

I felt a strong arm around my wrap around my waist and soft fabric against my cheek. I inhaled the faint-but somehow sill rich-familiar scent of roses, and something else, something darker and deeper that I was never able to place in all the years that I've known him-but it belonged only to him.

I couldn't help myself, I inhaled deeply.

"Yuuki." the way he said my name, like he was caressing it, almost worshiping it, blessing it, like it was his favorite word in the entire world. I knew it was mine, coming from his mouth, hearing his voice, the way his lips moved when they formed the shape of my name. And I forgot everything, with that simple word-just my name-that I was avoiding him, trying to forget my affection for him. I was a little girl again. The little girl that stared out the window all day, every day, just waiting to catch a glimpse of her true love. The selfish little girl that assumed he came to the door only for her and her alone, for me. Always waiting.

"Are you alright?" His voice cut into my thoughts, scattering every coherent thing I could have possibly uttered in response. Heat pooled into my cheeks, with just the sound of his voice, and I was positive they were bright red. "Yuuki?" he smiled down at me, awaiting my response, caressing my flushed cheek softly with his thumb, tilting my chin up.

"Yes...thanks..." I answered lamely. I looked up into his dark eyes, blushing an even deeper shade of crimson, before pulling my body away from his, realizing how close we were. I could feel his eyes on me, penetrating me, deeply, seeing into my very soul, and suddenly my thoughts were elsewhere and we were both pressed up against the window, breathing hard, me with my legs wrapped around his hips-squeezing him tightly, skirt ridding up high on my waist, shirt completely unbuttoned, panties slipping lower and lower down my left leg-catching around my boot, grinding against his every touch, nails raking his back where his shirt fell low off his shoulders-head thrown back, eyes closed tight, biting back my moans, teeth digging into my lower lip. And him, his face buried deep between my neck and shoulder, holding me up behind my thighs, pants undone, belt making all kinds of racket as he thrust between my legs-

"You've changed your hair." he reached out to touch it, making me flinch out of my dirty thoughts-embarrassed, convinced that he could hear what I was thinking. He stopped before making contact with my hair, dropping his hand, probably assuming I didn't want him too. Instead he knelt before me, choosing instead to retie my shoelace, probably thinking I'd kill myself falling down the stairs, I probably would. However, my thoughts traveled back down a dirtier path yet again; knee hooked over his shoulder, hands gripping low on my hips, his face buried in-between my thighs, me desperately trying to find something to hold onto for support-causing heat to pool instantly between my thighs-making me squirm slightly, severely uncomfortable now, completely convinced he could read my mind. My knees trembled slightly causing him to eye me momentarily before resuming his work on my laces.

I swallowed hard. _Of course he knows..._

I cleared my throat before I spoke. "Yeah...I just thought, why not...try...something new." I mumbled out, self-consciously touching my hair, looking everywhere but at him. I probably sounded so ridicules to him, skin completely flushed, mumbling like a total idiot.

He looked up at me from his kneeled position for a moment-paying attention to me when I spoke-before picking up the forgotten journal and rising. He began to flip through it's pages. "Is there anything bothering you, Yuuki? You seem rather uncomfortable?" he glanced up from the filled pages, eyeing me. "I wonder, is it because of me?" he asked innocently.

I shook my head, not entirely a lie. He made me uncomfortable, but I didn't unnecessarily dislike it.

"You know, Yuuki, you can tell me, right, no matter what it is?" he reassured gently.

I couldn't help but think that maybe the Headmaster actually followed through with his threat and tattled on me. I felt anger begin to rise in me, all the good, fuzzy, and rather naughty feelings gone, slipping away and taking my blush along with them. "Why are you asking me that?" I blurted out, almost sharply. I wanted to cover my hand with my mouth as soon as I spit those words out. I don't know why but I felt oddly defensive and irritated.

Kaname just looked up from the journal at me, arching his perfect eyebrow in question at my sudden outburst.

"You really aren't supposed to be looking at that, Senpai. That's Academy property. Also, Night Class students aren't allowed to be out of the Moon Dorm during the day. You know that." Even though I was sure he had _business_ with the Headmaster-whatever that meant, I brought it up anyway. I reached for the journal but he didn't let go of it. Instead he turned it over slightly, turning my hand along with it, exposing my bruised and cut knuckles to him.

"What happened here?" he asked, observing the back of my hand. I was positive he knew exactly what had happened, even if his question sounded completely innocent. Actually, I was positive that the whole school knew what had happened between Arisa and myself. It didn't matter what I had said to Arisa that night after the fight-how I told her to keep her bitch mouth shut about it to her parents. There were other students there that witnessed the fight, caught just about the whole thing on their cell phone's camera. I'm sure the video had been passed around the school dozens of times by now. It was probably up on the internet. There was no way Kaname hadn't at least _heard_ about it, let alone seen it for himself.

"I fell." I lied, not really knowing what else to say. That was such a lame excuse. I fell and only cut up the back of my hand. But what else was I supposed to say to him? _It's from when I punched this idiot girl in the face because she's been harassing me about you for years and I'd had enough of it._ I doubted that would go over very well.

"You never used to lie to me, Yuuki. I wonder what's changed."

I coughed out a humorless laugh. Was he trying to hurt my feelings now, asking what's changed? I wasn't a little girl anymore. How could I possibly continue to hang on him? Especially after everything that's happened. "Why don't you just keep it." I whispered, pushing the journal towards his chest before turning my back to him and walking away. I wasn't about to have _that_ conversation with him.

I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't.


	9. Chapter 9

_I can't run anymore. I'm so tired. My legs hurt so badly. Is it even worth it? Why am I even here? How did I get here? Who would have just left a defenseless little girl in the middle of a blizzard? My toes hurt so bad, they are so cold. They were probably black from frost bite. I can't breathe. I want too stop running. My whole body hurts so bad. But I don't want too die! Not this way! I don't want too be eaten! It's gonna get me! It's gonna eat me! It's-_

"Cross-san! Cross! Are you even listening!"

I turned away from the window-away from my wondering thoughts- away from the nightmare from the night before, of being eaten alive by a terrible monster, a creeping demon. It was always the same, the snow, the ice, the fear, and the vampire. There was always blood, so much blood. And I never got away whole.

Now I was sitting here in an empty classroom, getting supplementary lessons from the Day Class's very own class president, Kasumi Kageyama.

Detention.

I hadn't been to detention in quite awhile. I had become a much better student...sort of.

Kasumi was a nerd, bookish with thick rimmed glasses and an annoying voice. He was always bossing everyone around, telling them to get to class on time, study for this and that. Telling us we needed to get better grades, even if our grades were just fine. But he didn't want anyone getting better grades then him. If you scored higher on a test you instantly jumped to the top of his shit list. He always wanted to be at the top. He always seemed to know if your grades were slipping and what you got on your past test. I was actually surprised he hadn't gotten beat up yet for how annoying and nosy he was. But he was handsome in his own way, though. He had some good qualities too. The way his brown hair curled around his ears. He was very tall. He wasn't muscular, but he was thin and well proportioned. He had these light little freckles that speckled his nose which I found to be rather adorable.

It wasn't like I had bad grades. I actually had very good grades. Usually I was battling with this nerd Kasumi for top of the class, when I actually put in the effort to study. That was the reason why Kasumi didn't like me very much. He was usually glaring at me from the other end of the room, just daring me to do better then him during a test.

But today I got into trouble with the history teacher for sleeping during class and he gave me detention. And since Kasumi had a _secret_ grudge against me, he volunteered to see my punishment through. Since apparently Sensei had a prior agenda-I'm pretty sure it involved fucking the school nurse-but that wasn't any of my business...the school nurse was such a whore.

Kasumi slammed his fist against my desk-right on top of my forgotten text book, trying to assert his authority. "Sensei put me in charge, Cross-san. So pay attention to me! I'm going to quiz you on all of this after!" he warned.

I smiled sweetly up at him. "Oh come on, Kasumi-kun." I reached out to touch his hand. I've honestly never flirted with a boy before, and I've never had a boyfriend, but all I did was touch his hand and there was color rising and Kasumi's cheeks. "You really are so smart, Kasumi-kun, so good at teaching. And I do so appreciate you staying so late after hours to help me study all this extra material. I don't know anyone else as dedicated as you." I gestured to the window, to the darkening sky. "By now I bet the Night Class is already here, in their assorted classrooms, having their own lessons."

He fidgeted and began to stutter something unintelligible before he composed himself and pulled away from my touch, clearing his throat. "What are you getting at?" he asked nervously, adjusting his necktie.

"Oh I don't know." I stood up on the long bench, flipping my legs over and seating myself on the desk before him, skirt riding up high on my thighs, not bothering to fix it. "Doesn't it make you feel kind of...rebellious?" Why didn't I ever make an effort to get a boyfriend? I knew I was pretty. I could do my makeup a certain way, wear my hair different, change my perfume-and guys turn their heads. Why was I so set on being alone? Obviously, straddling a desk wasn't a very _appropriate_ way to get boys to notice me. But it wasn't like I made a constant habit of it.

He stared down incredulously at me. "Have you lost your wits, Cross-san? That doesn't make the least bit of sense. How does us being in an empty classroom after hours seem at all rebellious to you?"

I rolled my eyes dramatically. Wasn't he supposed to be smart? Reaching out and grabbing onto the lapels of his jacket, I pulled him forward, trapping him between my thighs, trying to accentuate my point. "Kasumi-kun." I said sweetly. "Use your imagination." it's not like I had a crush on him, I didn't, he could be such a jerk and he was always on my case about my tests. I just wanted to pass the time here. I wanted something else on my mind that wasn't such a horrible nightmare, that conversation with Yori, how Kaname will never want me.

"Yu-Yuyuuki, this is completely inappropriate!" His cheeks flushed the deepest red. "Release me th-this instant!"

"Shhh." I pressed my finger lightly to his lips, silencing his weak protests. He froze under my light touch, slowly meeting my eyes. I could tell he was actually curious-underneath his embarrassment-that he wanted this-he wanted to know what I was going to do to him. To tell the truth, I was pretty curious to see what I was going to do to him too.

And I could feel a rather firm hardness against my thigh that told me he was definitely interested.

I reached up, removing his glasses and tucked them into his breast pocket-wanting them out of the way-before pulling him to me and-

The classroom door slammed open then, making us both jump. Zero stood in it's opening, glaring at both of us-looking menacing and completely pissed off. I met his glare with one of my own. Kasumi awkwardly cleared his throat before removing himself from my grasp, readjusting his uniform and putting his glasses back in their place. Zero spoke first, marching into the room to stand before me.

"I've been looking for you." he stated. From the tone of his voice I could tell he was in a seriously bad mood.

"I'm in the middle of my supplementary lessons at the moment, Kiryuu-kun. Maybe you could try coming back again later." I turned away from him. "Or you could try texting me, maybe. If you're lucky, I might actually answer you. I wouldn't count on it though. I'm not really in a texting kind of mood." If Zero was going to be mean to me all the time then I was going to be just as mean to him. He wasn't going to push me around anymore either. But he didn't give me any more of a chance to protest. Wrapping his hand around my forearm-fingers overlapping, he all but dragged me from the classroom. I had to almost run to keep up with his much longer strides and to keep him from literally dragging me along behind him.

His grip was too tight. "Let go of me." I protested, trying to tug my arm out of his iron grip, struggling to get away from him. He was always so much stronger than I was, even when we were kids. "I don't want to go with you, Zero. Just let me go!" I grabbed onto the banister as he tried to pull me down the stairs, intent on taking me with him, though I had no idea where we were going. I assumed he was just fed up with me _slacking,_ as he put it, on my duties as a prefect and leaving all the work to him, but he did that to me so often. He had no room to complain. He did the exact same thing to me all the time, more times than I could count. All it took was a little tug from him-being so much stronger than me-and I released my hold from the banister, unwillingly, cutting my palm on an unpolished spot on the banister.

"Ouch!" but he had already let go-so quickly that I stumbled back. It didn't actually hurt, but the suddenness had surprised me. I looked up from the very small cut in my palm to see Zero's back facing me. It was so small, insignificant; like getting a paper cut, or a splinter. You could hardly see any blood. "What the hell, Zero?! Dragging me along like that! You could have dislocated my shoulder, or my wrist or something! You were being too rough!" I turned around and began heading back up the stairs, wanting to be far away from him. "And you can't just ignore me all the time and then come and get me whenever it suits you best! That's not how it works! Start considering my feelings for a change!" But like I so often do, I tripped over my own shoelace; falling backwards on the stairs.

A large, calloused hand covered my mouth, cutting off my screaming before any sound could even escape my throat. Zero's arm wrapped around the front of my body, holding my arms down at my sides, caging me against his solid body. My heart thundered against my ribcage. All I knew was that I had almost fallen back and Zero had saved me, probably from cracking my head open against the stairs. But he was breathing so hard and his whole body was shaking, and he hadn't let go of me yet. The hand that was covering my mouth fell to my right shoulder, grabbing the collar of my shirt in a closed, tight fist, yanking it aside, popping a few buttons and sending them flying. I heard them clatter against the floor.

"Zero," I breathed. "What are you doing? You're hurting me." he was squeezing my body too tightly against his own, I could barley get enough air into me. But it was like I hadn't even spoken. He wasn't hearing me. His breath was rasping out of him now and I felt something warm and wet slid quickly across the column of my throat. I gasped, completely shocked by his actions. My eyes about shot out of my skull. Was he playing a trick on me? No. That wasn't it. Zero didn't seem like himself at all, and he never played tricks. He would never go this far with me even if he was just trying to be funny, not after what Aidou had done to me last summer. Zero knew I was afraid of vampires so why was he..."Zero, what are you-" something razor sharp impaled my throat then-clamping down hard, impossibly hard-cutting off all manner of coherency, so suddenly that I couldn't even scream. The pain was indescribable, the worst I had ever felt in all my life; a burning, throbbing ache that spread out across the expanse of my throat. It took all of the air out of my lungs. Black flooded my vision and my legs gave out underneath me. But I didn't move, didn't fall in a boneless heap to the floor-I couldn't, still upright, my back flush against Zero's front. He was holding me so tightly against him, sure to leave deep bruises in my skin. I could feel warmth, wetness running down in-between my breast, soaking into my blouse.

My body knew what was happening. I've been around vampires for years to understand what it was that was going on. But my brain couldn't catch up, didn't want to believe it. My eyes rolled back in my head and unconsciousness was creeping in fast, threatening to overtake me. I wanted to scream, to call out for help, to beg for someone to come and help me, to save me from this madness. The Night Classes had to have started by now. Surely someone would hear me if I were to kick up a fuss and come to check on all of the commotion. But the Night Class was full of vampires, and vampires drank blood. Surely the sent of my blood would send them all into a frenzy. My overactive imagination couldn't help but picture a scenario where they all partook in a piece of me, took turns drinking from my body-passing me between them, draining me completely of life. _No, they're good people._ They wouldn't attack me, right? They're here to work towards coexistence, a peaceful existence between humans and vampires. But that hadn't stopped Aidou from biting me that time last summer, stealing a taste of my blood. No, I couldn't scream, I wouldn't take that chance. But my mind was telling me that if I didn't at least try something, this would end so terribly, for me.

This had to stop, now. I had to at least try and stop this.

I could hear it now, the sound of my blood being sucked out of my body-gulping down his throat in deep, quick drags, draining my life away so quickly, as if it were something so insignificant. Maybe it was, to him. It sounded strange in my ears, almost peaceful in a way, soothing, like a child's breathing when it sleeps-but also terrifying and erratic. Zero's grip on my body tightened further still, pulling me even closer, even harder against his frame-burry his face further into my neck, tearing into the skin there. He was so thirsty, impossibly thirsty-gulping it down the way he was-like a man that had been trapped in a scorched desert for days without water, and finally getting some, crisp and ice cool, he just gulps it down as quickly as he could, like he's afraid that finally, now that he has what he needs, someone might take it away from him. So starved for it, needing it more than anything else to survive, to live.

But Zero wasn't a vampire.

 _-is gonna eat me-_

My eyes shot open and I began to struggle against him, realization dawning on me-at last-that I was going to die if I didn't get away from him now. "No!" I shouted, shoving him away from me-pushing an elbow into his chest hard-somehow finding the strength in my limps-fighting to get away from him. I felt the horrible burning sensation of tearing flesh as his fangs ripped from my throat. I stumbled back, catching the stair with my boot and falling back against the staircase, hard. The impact took the air out of me, jarring, knocking my teeth together painfully, ripping the nails on my left hand when I tried to grab onto the banister, bruising my right elbow when I fell against it, catching myself. I had lost too much blood, so much blood. I was so dizzy. I could barley see straight. My vision shook and I saw black spots.

I looked up at Zero, not even seeing him for the person I thought he was. My head spun violently and I fought to not be sick, stomach rolling. He was covered in blood, _my_ blood. I reached up with a shaking hand, covering the gaping wound at my throat, trying to stop the blood flow, trying to protect it from another bite. I pulled my hands away to see the damage and my stomach lurched. That was my blood, and it was on Zero. It was all over his face, soaking into his shirt, smeared across his hands, dripping from his mouth. But that wasn't what truly disturbed me. It was his eyes. They were the deepest shade of crimson red. I couldn't look away from them. They pulled me in, called to me.

But we lived together...in the same house...for four years. Why didn't I know? How could I not have seen it?

I reached up and touched my throat. It was raw and felt torn, blood was gushing from the open wound. I cried out, truly frightened now at seeing my life gushing from my neck. It was just like in my reoccurring nightmare and suddenly I felt ice in my veins, my whole body became cold. The same dream that I had always had since I was a little girl. My hand came away red. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

Black began too creep its way around the corners of my eyes again. I couldn't pass out, though. I didn't want to take my eyes off of him. I was afraid of what would happen if I did.

I was afraid.


	10. Chapter 10

I felt the sharp pain in my neck, my eyes shot open and I gasped loudly, recalling images of fangs and blood red eyes, truly terrified that I had let myself blackout-not knowing where I was or what had happened in the time I was out. My whole neck and right shoulder felt like one giant bruise. Reaching up to touch the spot that caused me the most pain-terrified of what I would find-I felt another hand there, applying gentle pressure to the wound. I opened my eyes-with effort-and followed the length of the arm it was connected to, meeting the deepest set of burgundy eyes. Instantly I relaxed-the familiar scent of roses filling my head, knowing there was nothing more to be afraid of, not now at least. I've always felt safe with Kaname, ever since that very first moment I saw him.

Looking around the room, I realized we were in the school's infirmary. Kaname was pressing some gauze against the wound on my neck, trying to stop the blood flow. There was the smallest crease in his brow, marring his handsome face. He looked angry, something I wasn't used to seeing. Actually, I don't think I've ever once seen Kaname angry. I couldn't help but think back to our last confrontation-about how I had snapped at him, assuming he was prying into my life. He didn't deserve that from me. I wondered if I had hurt his feelings and I couldn't help but feel guilty for it. Maybe he was mad at me...

I decided to test the waters, needing to know, wanting to hear him speak. "Kaname..." I said his name slowly, always enjoying the way it rolled off of my tongue. "did you know? About...about Zero?" I asked carefully. I was probably the only one that didn't know. There was no way the Headmaster didn't know. My voice sounded weird when I spoke. My throat was strangely dry, like I was so very thirsty. And I was so tired. I felt like I hadn't slept in so long. I knew it was from all the blood I had lost. It hurt to talk, like I had swollen tonsils. I knew that wasn't it, though. I tried to clear it, with no luck.

"The bleeding has almost stopped." Kaname removed the gauze from my neck and stood, throwing it away in the small trashcan next to my bed. I noticed my white uniform shirt was in there too, it wasn't very white anymore though, soaked in crimson. I looked down at my body-concerned I was naked in front of him-relived to see I still had on my under shirt. The neckline was soaked with blood.

"Kaname?"

Kaname went over to the sink to wash his hands-ignoring my question completely. I wondered if my blood was that repulsive to him, that he needed to wash it away in such a hurry. "The wound is deep though..." he mused. It sounded like he was talking more to himself than too me. His took his time at the sink, making sure he washed all the blood away completely from his skin, scrubbing roughly. _There he goes again, avoiding my questions completely. Keeping me in the dark when it suits him best. They all do that. Kaname, the Headmaster, and apparently Zero does it too. He should have told me...someone should have told me._

Then I wondered how I even got here. Last I remembered I was in the stairwell with Zero. I must have passed out from blood loss or shock, or both. Did Kaname bring me here...or did Zero? I shivered, remembering our confrontation-Zero's and mine. If Kaname brought me that means he must have seen what happened. He must have run into Zero, right? What happened between them?

I found I didn't want to ask. I was even more afraid of knowing what happened to Zero then what had just happened to me.

Kaname sat back down on the bed beside me after drying his hands completely on some paper towels and placed a bandage over the wound on my neck as carefully as he could, trying not to cause me any unnecessary pain. His fingers lingered there for a few moments, gently tracing the underside of the plaster. Finally, he looked at me. "Yuuki, why are you crying?"

But I hadn't realized that I was.

I reached up to wipe my tears, ashamed that I let him see me crying. I wanted to act brave and strong. I didn't want to cry. Not now, and not in front of him. I would save that for when I was alone in my room or later in the shower. I wanted to talk about this. I wanted answers. I was tired of being lied too and kept in the dark by everyone around me. I didn't want to be pampered and coddled and scooted farther and farther into the dark. Someone was going to tell me what the hell was going on.

"Does it hurt?"

Of course it hurt. I don't think I've ever felt such pain. "No." I whispered, shaking my head, choosing to lie to him. How could he think it didn't hurt? He was looking right at it. He had cleaned up all of the blood.

"Are you afraid of vampires now?" he asked carefully, lightly brushing my bangs out of my eyes.

I've always been afraid of vampires. My first encounter with one was truly horrifying, my first memory. And every night since then they have haunted my dreams as distorted demons, fangs and claws extended, eyes blazing an unholy crimson, intent on taking my life. But I couldn't tell him that. It wouldn't make him worry anymore than he already was. Not after this, and I didn't want to hurt him. After all, Kaname was a vampire. I didn't want him to think he needed to be weary around me. So I just shook my head, a silent no, for I didn't trust my voice, and Kaname had a magical way of seeing straight through me that I didn't understand.

"Do you want me to take you home?" his eyes were flooded with concern and he sounded so sincere. How could I ever hope to leave my feelings for him behind? Why did I ever even want to in the first place?

I shook my head. "I'm too dizzy to move." I confessed warily. He opened his mouth to say something else but I quickly spoke up first. "Just please..." I shyly reached out and took his hand in mine. "could you...stay here with me, just for a while? I...I don't want to be alone." the thought of passing back out and waking up somewhere completely different-with no idea what happened in-between-frightened me. I'd feel better if he was here, watching over me.

Kaname smiled and gently squeezed my hand. I've always thought his smile was so beautiful, something he only ever seemed to show to me. "I'll always be with you, my dear Yuuki." he promised. I knew he meant it. Kaname had always been there when I needed him the most, without fail. He brought my hand up to his lips and gently kissed the back of my knuckles. I watched in silent awe as the half formed scars there began to heal and fade away, almost as if they were never even there to begin with. It wasn't fair. I leaned forward and rested my face against his chest and began to cry-tears soaking into the fabric of his pristine white vest-no longer caring to hold back my tears any longer. He was too wonderful. Too perfect. And I hated the world so much for it. I didn't know where vampires came from or why they were so different from humans, why they existed. But it broke my heart to think that we really could never be together. I wanted to ask him if he could do that to my hand, then couldn't he also heal my neck-take away this pulsing ache? To take away the horrid feeling of those fangs from my neck, Zero's fangs-I still couldn't believe it-that Zero was a vampire-even though all the evidence was there. But I couldn't bring myself to ask him. It just seemed so selfish of me, to be asking for more. He does so much for me already. So I just cried instead. I was probably being childish, in his eyes, maybe, or maybe I was being rational. I had been though so much in such a small amount of time, finding out my childhood friend was a vampire was too much to take in. Maybe this is how any normal person would react in this situation. Either way it felt really good to just cry.

We didn't get to stay like that for very long, in each others arms-my head on his chest, Kaname gently stroking my hair-though I wish it would have lasted forever. The Headmaster soon came in, looking for Kaname to pacify the stirring Night Class. Apparently the smell of my blood had disrupted their studies-agitating them, causing some sort of commotion. I'm _sure_ that was it. They were all probably just bored, and nosy-wanting to know what had happened. Anyway, after a lingering look in my eyes and wiping at my tear stained cheeks, Kaname agreed and departed without another word-pressing a small, gentle kiss to my forehead-leaving me alone with my father. The Headmaster shut the door behind Kaname, as if he expected eavesdroppers to be lurking the hallway. By the look on his face I knew that he wanted to be here for me-to comfort and support me, to tell me that everything was going to be alright, to take all the hurt away if he could-but that he would rather be anywhere else than here, than having to explain the inevitable.

"Yuuki I'm-"

"You lied to me." I accusingly blurted out, through my tears, choking on the lump that formed in my throat the second the Headmaster entered the room. It wasn't a very tactful way to begin the conversation, but I wasn't feeling on the rational side at the present moment.

"I didn't lie to you, Yuuki, about anything. I just didn't tell you the whole truth." he sighed heavily, moving to sit on the bed beside me. He eyed the bandage on my neck, worry lines creasing his forehead. It must have looked really bad, even with Kaname's caring ministrations. I didn't really want him there, on the bed, in the room, or anywhere near me. "When Zero came to live with us I had told you that his family was killed by a vampire, that was true."

"But?" I pressed, knowing that there was more to the story.

"But Zero he...well he was left alive, obviously."

"Obviously. You aren't making any sense here, Headmaster! Either tell me the whole truth or go away. But don't keep feeding me your crap. I don't want to hear it." I looked down at my body. I was saturated in blood. It was drying into a rusty brown color and beginning to flake away from the skin in-between my breasts. The once pristine white dress shirt was now saturated in crimson red blood, sitting in the wastebasket along with the used gauze. There was a bloody trail running down my undershirt, a red ring around it's neckline. The blood stains even showed up on my black skirt. The room even smelled like blood. So did my skin. The smell hung heavy in the air, like a fog. It made me sick.

"It was a pureblooded vampire that attacked and murdered Zero's family. And she was the one that turned Zero into a vampire. Purebloods have that certain ability..." he was hesitating, seeming uncomfortable with telling me all of this. I honestly didn't really want to hear it. I already knew how it worked anyway. How purebloods could turn humans into vampires. I mean, I didn't know how it worked _exactly,_ just that they could do it. I heard the Headmasters and Kaname talking about it once, when I was a lot younger. Back then I head sneaked out of my bedroom and downstairs to stand within hearing rang of the Headmaster's home office, eavesdropping on them. I had woke up late and heard Kaname's voice and wanted to see him, his visits were so rare back then. But I had gotten more than I bargained for, hearing all of these strange things about vampires that I didn't really understand-back then, at least. Over the years I had time to sort of figure it all out for myself. Then I had just wanted to see Kaname. I had always just wanted to see Kaname, to catch a glimpse of him. But that night I ended up learning that he wasn't just any ordinary vampire. But a pureblooded vampire. Apparently, the same kind of vampire that was responsible for the murder of Zero's entire family. "And to tell you the truth..." he sighed again. "I wasn't even sure if he was going to turn. There weren't any other witnesses there that night. Who knows what _really_ went on." it sounded like he was talking to himself now. "Zero himself didn't want to talk about _that_ moment and I wasn't going to press him. But I was almost sure..." he shook his head, apparently not wanting to continue.

"Why didn't Zero tell me? He didn't have to hide it from me! I would have understood, with the Night Class and everything." somehow I saw this situation turning out differently-never even occurring-if I had only been made aware of what Zero truly was. "It could have been different, this might not have even happened if either of you had just-"

"He probably just didn't want you to worry, Yuuki." he stood up, apparently having enough of my arguing. "Now come on. It's time to go home. If Zero wants to talk about it then you can take it up with him later."

The Headmaster ended up having to carry me back to my room at our private residence. I had lost too much blood and was too dizzy to walk back to my room on my own, let alone stand up. Though I still had so many questions for him, I wasn't allowed to ask them. The Headmaster made it very clear that he wouldn't be answering them. I began to think to myself as my father walked-listening to the calming clack of his gentle footsteps against the pavement-that I was defiantly not the only one who was hurting right now. At least I felt that I wasn't. Zero and I had spent four years under the same roof together. I had to know him a little, right? If there was one thing I knew for sure it was that Zero hated vampires, more than anything. He told me so, constantly. And now he was one of them.

I was defiantly being selfish.

I removed my cell phone from my pocket and scrolled through the list of contacts until I found Zero's name.

 _I'm not mad, Zero. I promise I'm not. Please don't be upset either._

I hit send, hoping he would read it.


	11. Chapter 11

_When I opened my eyes I was standing in an open field, surrounded by snow, frost, and ice. A tall pine tree spotted the empty plain, every now and then-splashing the otherwise white world with a dark slash of green-interrupting the otherwise grey and dull winter world. But they all looked so unhealthy, the trees. They didn't have very many branches, and the branches that they did have drooped extremely low to the ground, bending in a way like they'd snap-weighed heavily down with snow and ice; unable to uphold such a burden. They belonged here, barren, barren like this empty world of ice and snow. And empty. Like me, they were alone here. Snow fell thick and heavily, all around me. Though disoriented, I knew exactly where I was. I had been here before. I had been here so many times. And it was always the same dull terrain. The same freezing cold. The snow, the ice. The same bleak, endless white world. It seemed to stretch on and on, forever. But this time was different than before. I was no longer a small, defenseless little child. My body was grown, my arms and_ _legs were longer. I was even wearing my school's uniform. I looked down at my body, feeling slightly damp. My clothes were saturated in crimson blood. My stomach lurched at the horrific sight,_ _jumping up into my throat, nausea and fear gripping my senses, almost overpowering me. I reached up and touched my neck, finding it raw and torn, in shreds. My hand came away red. I tried to scream but no sound came from my throat. I started running then, sensing the monster behind me, feeling the danger, the threat hanging in the air-knowing It could smell my blood, all that blood, even I could smell it. And that It wouldn't stop until It had me within It's grasp-It's razor sharp claws, draining every last bit of my life that my body had to offer. Knowing nothing else, I ran. But I was bigger here-now. My legs were longer, I had a change this time. I was older and stronger. There was hope of getting away. I was a lot faster now. And I knew how to fight. I knew I could get away from It. This time, I would survive. I would live. Never again would this terror overtake me._ _I tripped then, falling hard against the ground-scarping my palms against small shards of ice. I wanted to cry out in frustration, but the jarring impact against the frozen earth took all of the air from my lungs. A hand wrapped around my ankle then-straining skin and bone, dragging me backwards, yanking me hard, causing whiplash. I tried to crawl away from It-needing to survive, the need so incredibly powerful-the instinct physically palpable-taking over, but the demon was too strong to fight against. I was merely a child again-within It's grasp, no more than a rag doll in It's powerful hands. It didn't matter that I was bigger now, that I was older. Thinking that I was stronger and ever stood a chance against it was pathetic and naive. I was no match against the demon. I never would be. It was such a hopeless thought to have from the start. I turned on my back, wanting to see it, needing to see, breath fanning out around my face in the much much colder air. And the vampire had a face. I was looking into Zero's blood red eyes._

I awoke to the sound of my own frightened scream, sitting up fast, causing my head to spin violently. I ripped the blankets away from my body. They felt too much like another's arms. Once I was free from their hold I quickly reached up and touched the bandage on my throat, needing the reassurance that it was still just a dream, that none of it was real, that it wasn't a gapping hole. My heart was racing, slamming uncomfortably into my ribs. _It was just a dream_ , I promised myself, again and again _._ But this time it was different, I assumed that was because of what had happened a few hours ago, though. That was the only reason I saw Zero's face in my nightmare instead of the usual unknown, rouge vampire. I felt bile rise up in my throat and quickly grabbed the small trashcan next to my bed before I got sick on the blankets covering my bed.

I was back in my own bed now. The house was completely quiet and still. Everyone must be sound asleep. I apparently didn't wake them up with my thrashing. I took a few deep breaths-making sure everything was out of me and that my stomach was completely calm-before setting the trashcan back onto the floor. My hands were shaking and my body felt cold.

Noticing that it was still dark outside, I quietly left my room and went to the door across the hall from mine. I don't know what drove me there. Rationally, it should be the last place I'd want to be, considering what had happened earlier this evening. Whether it was the nightmare I had just experienced, or the events from a few hours before, I just wanted to make sure he was okay. My feelings didn't seem to matter, not to me at least. This uncertainty had to end.

I knocked quietly against the door. I didn't want to wake the Headmaster up. I didn't need him smothering me with questions on how I was feeling. "Zero?" I called, softly through the door. "Are you in there?" no answer. I knocked again, slightly louder. Still nothing. Maybe he wasn't in there. He might be in the Sun Dormitory tonight in his room there. Or maybe he was just ignoring me. I knew how he got, especially when he was upset. "I'm coming in, Zero." I opened the door slowly-incase he was indecent-and quietly stepped inside. Zero was laying in the middle of his bed, wide awake-on top of the blankets, hair damp from a shower, arms limp at his sides. The window was wide open, pale moonlight spilling in-making his skin look paler than it already was-drapes billowing in the light summer breeze. I tiptoed over to his bed and sat down on the edge next to him. But he wouldn't look at me. Zero just continued to stare lifelessly up at the ceiling.

"Zero?" I touched his shoulder lightly, poking him-trying to get his attention-then shook him a little when he wouldn't budge. "Zero?" finally he acknowledged me, just with his eyes, though, not moving at all from his position on the bed. "You didn't answer my text. I was worried. Did you get it?" but he didn't say anything. He just continued to look at me. So I picked his cell phone up from the bedside table and checked it for myself. Apparently he did read it. "Why didn't you-"

"Why are you here?" he asked suddenly, interrupting me, making me jump from the suddenness of his voice.

"I couldn't sleep." I said, which was partly true. I wasn't about to tell him about the dream I just had about him. He wouldn't want to hear that. His eyes were their normal shade of lavender and he didn't seen hostile at all, further proving that the dream wasn't real.

"That's not what I mean, Yuuki. Why...why would you want to be near me...after what I did...to you..." he reached up slowly-as if he wanted me to be sure of exactly what he was about to do-and lightly touched the bandage on my neck. There was already a dark purple bruise forming around it.

"I _am_ upset." I stated firmly.

His hand dropped against the mattress and he looked away from me, like I had burned him. He looked really terrible, like he truly hated himself-forehead creased, pale, sullen. But he wasn't understanding what I meant. "But I'm upset because you kept this from me all this time and I had to find out in...such a way. I mean, I guess I can understand why you kept it a secret from me. It was your business, after all, even though I still wish you trusted me enough to let me in. But...no, I'm not _mad_ at you for...ummm-"

"Attacking you." he finished form me, choosing to use the words that I didn't want to go anywhere near.

"Yeah." I mumbled, twisting my fingers together in my lap, dropping my eyes to the mattress.

He sighed. "It's not that I don't trust you, Yuuki. And I'm not trying to offend you by telling you that you don't understand any of this. But...to have become what I hate the most..." he bit out through his teeth. "...to have to drink the blood of other people...like a monster. And to have attacked you..." Zero covered his eyes with a tight fist, gritting his teeth. "It's disgraceful. How could you possibly forgive me."

"I'm not too sure of how to explain it to you, Zero, though," I crawled over him-to the side of the bed against the wall-and got under the covers. I rested my head against his bare chest. He didn't move his fist from his eyes. I could hear his heart there, it was beating fast. His skin was warm and I was waiting for him to drop his arm and wrap it around my waist like he usually did whenever we slept together, making me feel completely safe, casing away the nightmares. "Let's see...like I get where you're coming from? The Headmaster summed up your situation to me-though he didn't go too into detail, which I also kinda understand. Since it's your business, again. He said I should ask you about it. We're pretty similar, Zero, you and I." I said, sleepily. "You know, I don't have any parents either. I mean, I don't know where they are, if they're dead, alive, or maybe they just abandoned me, threw me away like an unwanted toy or trash or something. But I just want you to know...I'll always be here for you, Zero." I whispered, feeling sleep overtake me suddenly. I could barely keep my eyes open. "No matter what." I said around a big yawn. I smuggled closer into his chest and closed my eyes. It was too hard to keep them open. I felt Zero's arm slowly slip around my waist, finally.

"But you don't understand."

I wasn't sure if I had heard him right. His voice sounded almost far away. I was so tired, probably from all that blood I had lost. I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, I didn't even want to try too. How could I possibly explain to Zero that he was still a good person?

I didn't remember falling asleep. But when I woke up I was still in Zero's room, in his bed. He wasn't there but I could hear the faint sound of the shower running. I looked around the room. Zero's room was plain and extremely boring. He had a desk pushed under the window, a dresser pushed next to the closet, and his bed. That was about it for Zero's room.

The house was so quiet. I wondered if the Headmaster was still asleep. Deftly, I reached up and touched the bandage on my neck. The wound was extremely sore and tender but I realized one thing, one very important thing that had me smiling widely-I didn't have that nightmare.

And I actually got a full night's rest.

Zero came in the room then, drying his hair off with a plush, white towel, without a shirt on, giving me a lovely view of his abs.

I sat up in bed and smiled at him.

"What?" he asked, suspiciously, stopping in the middle of the room when he noticed my smile-still drying at his hair. He eyed me nervously, as if he expected an attack.

"Nothing. I just slept really good." I stretched my arms over my head, finding the muscles in my back and shoulders completely relaxed.

"No nightmares last night?" Zero walked over to his dresser and began to dig through the top drawer, looking for a clean shirt to wear. His jeans were sitting low on his hips.

"No, well not after I came into your room." I snuggled back into the blankets, feeling completely relaxed. "Wait, Zero," I looked back over at Zero. "how did you know about my nightmares?" I didn't remember ever mentioning them to him.

He turned around to face me, arching an eyebrow. "Yuuki, you used to sneak into my room when you were like, thirteen...like a baby." I threw a pillow at him, which he dodged easily-swiping it away with his arm.

"I never told you it was because of nightmares, though. It could have been anything." I sat back up.

"I'm not as dumb as you look."

I ignored that, remembering something from the night before. "Zero, did you say something last night? Right before I fell asleep? I'm pretty sure you did."

Zero sighed loudly, tugging a plain, dark grey t-shirt over his head. "Yeah."

"Tell me."

"It was just a little bit more about how big of an idiot you are." He said simply, combing his wet hair out. "I just thought you were talking a big game."

"What the hell?" he seemed to be back to normal.

He threw the comb onto his dresser-his mood changing-not meeting my gaze. "It's the Blood Tablets, Yuuki...I can't take them..." he confessed, his face pinched up like he was in physical pain, ashamed to admit this weakness, ashamed that he was even a vampire. "That's probably why I...attacked you last night." he sat down next to me on the bed and gripped my shoulders tightly. "When you cut your hand on the stairs...the blood. I was so thirsty. I should have been able to control myself, the thirst...but I couldn't." he closed his eyes, dropping his head low. "Please Yuuki, I'm begging you. Please...just give up on me." he whispered.

My mouth fell open. I couldn't believe he would say something like that to me. As if I could ever give up on him, as if I ever _would_. I still remember the absolutely lifeless look in his eyes that night I had first met him, when he came to live with us, four long years ago, covered in blood. It had been so cold that night, so terribly cold. I never wanted to see that look on his face again.

"Zero...don't ever say that again." I whispered, too overcome with emotion to talk above a whisper. "I-I can't be without you." I grabbed his face between my hands, forcing him to look into my eyes. "I don't ever _want_ to be without you!" I stopped, dragging in a deep, unsteady breath before continuing. "Promise me, now." I demanded. "That you won't ever give up. That you'll fight it."

"Yuuki, I-"

"Promise me!" I pressed, shaking him slightly.

He sighed, apparently defeated by my persistence. "I promise." he reached up and gripped my wrist.

Silence drifted between us. I self-consciously dropped my hands away from his face, realizing the intimate position we were frozen in.

I decided it was better to just change the subject, for now, at least. Besides, we couldn't sit here forever. "Why are you wearing jeans?" I asked. "You know you can't wear that to class."

Zero gave me another look, rolling his eyes. "It's after eleven, Yuuki. We slept in."

"What?!" I jumped off the bed, running for the door. Just because I didn't like class didn't mean I intended on missing it, falling behind. "Why didn't the Headmaster wake us up in time?!"


	12. Chapter 12

"Why did you dye your hair, Yuuki?"

Zero and I were sitting outside, in the soft grass under a large tree, enjoying the shade, the sun, the warmth, the fresh air, but most of all a day off from classes. We were waiting for class to be over for everyone else so we could go out patrolling-escort the Night Class from their dormitory to the school building, make sure the Day Class students were safe and not skipping curfew. Things were slowly returning to normal. At least, I was beginning to feel more normal, like Zero and I were finally going to have a normal relationship from now on. Like I've always wanted.

I was sliding an emery board across my fingernails-back and forth-rapidly, shaping them to perfection. But my movements ceased at the sound of Zero's voice, his out-of-the-blue question. I looked over at him. He was gazing up at the clouds-not looking at me at all, the shadows of leaves dancing across his face. He seemed far away. I wondered where his thoughts were.

"Was it because of _him_?" he asked, almost bitterly. I knew he was referring to Kaname. Zero hated Kaname. Now I was beginning to understand a little bit of the connection, the reason for his hate. With Kaname being a pureblood and a pureblood vampire being the one responsible for the murder of Zero's family, I could sort of understand. And Kaname didn't care too much for Zero, either, for that matter. But that was probably just because Zero didn't like him and was probably always trying to pick fights.

"No," I fingered the ends of my ebony hair, wondering what I could say to make Zero understand. What could I possibly tell him to make him understand that I just wanted to be different. I didn't want to be that girl that just sat back and quietly took what was given to her anymore. I wanted to stand out. I wanted the confidence to stand tall. "I...I just thought that it would be beautiful." I lied, though I did favor the change, part of me was convinced that if I changed how I looked on the outside I could change how I felt on the inside, leaving my feelings for Kaname behind with my dull, plain brown hair. "That maybe changing it would be good." But I could see it in Kaname's eyes, every time he looked at my black hair, it made him sad that I changed it. Even if he'd never did say it out loud. "Don't you like it, Zero?"

Zero was quiet for a few moments, contemplating my answer over in his head. "It looks nice." he said finally, sighing, accepting my answer for the truth. "If it's what you really wanted, then it's good. I also wanted to ask you about that fight you got into the other day. What was that all about?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Zero...concerned? "Oh you know, just girl stuff." I laughed harder when I remember Arisa crawling across the floor. I still felt like she deserved everything she got, and more. Though, I was a little embarrassed knowing that Zero was the one to pull me off of her, witnessing my outburst first hand, having to drag me off to the Headmaster's office.

"It's not like you. You've never done something like that before." Zero reached across me and touched the bandage on my neck. I met his eyes, wanting to reach up and brush his bangs out of them. I knew he felt really guilty for what he did, but he kept touching it, making me uncomfortable. "Are you sure you're alright, Yuuki?" Zero's eyes were overflowing with emotion; concern for me, and guilt for what he had done, but most of all, self-loathing. I couldn't stand it. I didn't want to see that look anymore. I didn't want Zero to hate himself for what he had done to me.

I nodded, pushing his hand away from my neck. "Haven't I already told you?" I stood, brushing the grass and leaves from my yoga shorts-dressing down in my pjs since I wasn't attending class today-seeing no point in wearing the uniform. "I'll always be on your side, Zero. Aren't we a family?"

He didn't answer me, just continued watching my movements, never taking his eyes off of me.

"I still remember the night you first came to live with us. The only thing that's changed about you since then is your height. Face it, you need me." I was just trying to tease him, to lighten the mood, but he didn't laugh. If anything, his face became more serious.

Zero stood and followed after me to the Moon dormitory. "You've changed recently, Yuuki." he commented, pressing me farther for more information. "Don't think I haven't noticed."

"Isn't change a good thing?" I felt like I had a similar conversation with Yori recently.

Zero sighed. "Though, you will forever chase after your _beloved Kaname-senpai_ till the end of time." he said, finally teasing me back. He said _beloved Kaname_ in a gross, high-pitched sing-song voice. It was gross. I punched his arm.

"Shut up." the gate's closing off the Moon Dormitory to the rest of the Academy creaked open and the vampires filed out looking regal and...beautiful. They were all so beautiful. I couldn't help but to scan the crowd of them until I located the one person in particular who made my heart race with nothing more than a single glance. When I located him he looked at me at the exact same time, and then looked away, walking straight past me without a word.

My jaw literally hit the floor.

Kaname had just ignored me.

"What was that about?" Zero asked, and from his tone I could tell he honestly didn't care, he was just being polite because it was me.

"I...I think he's made at me."


	13. Chapter 13

The _Vampire's Lair_.

That's what Zero had called it, all those years ago, when we had first stood outside of it's gate, gazing at it's high, formidable walls. It seemed like almost a lifetime ago. When the vampires had first come to Cross Academy and moved into the Moon Dormitory I had tried to take a closer look, wanting to see them-so curious about them-I can still remember Zero's warning tone-whispering low in my ear as he pulled me back, far from the building, tugging roughly on my wrist, later leaving marks on my pale skin; _don't get too close to their lair_ -he had warned me harshly, the threat evident in his tone- _they are dangerous. Not every monster is as kind as your precious Kaname._ But back then I was a naive little girl, so blind and stupid. I didn't understand the way the world worked, everything was dyed pink and covered in glitter. Vampire's too me, were all like Kaname. Kind and gentle people. That was the image I had of them, and Kaname was not dangerous.

Gazing up at the tall building's stark, white walls, it looked as formidable as it always has, in my eyes at least, and it's been years. But perhaps that's because I knew who lived behind those pristine walls- _what_ lived behind them. I wasn't as naive as the Day Class students were, not anymore. I'm not saying that I hated _them_ , or that I trembled and ran from _their_ presents. A lot of the vampires here were very kind, very friendly, in their own way. There was Takuma-senpai, always smiling so brightly, wanting to make friends with everyone around him and doing his best to fit in, and there was Rima Touya-she was mostly shy and kept to herself but we got along just fine when we needed to. Kain-senpai was quiet and aloof but was never intentionally mean or rude to me. And Hanabusa...well Hanabusa was an idiot. Then there was Ruka Souen. I didn't like her and she didn't like me. It was as simple and as complicated as that. She was mean like Arisa, because she shared the same obsession with Kaname that Arisa did. I secretly wondered if they had an online fan club dedicated to him. I would picture Hanabusa and Ruka fighting over who the club's president was. Of course, I could never confront Ruka about her bitch attitude towards me like I had with Arisa...not without Zero close by, at least. Ruka...There was that one instance when I was so much younger, I had seen Kaname drinking her blood through one of the dorm's high windows-Ruka's body pressed against the glass. It was like in that moment-when our eyes locked, Ruka's and mine-we instantly became enemies. Of course, she would never know that it was more than that for me. She probably thought I was jealous of her-that I wished our roles had been switched, or something outrageous like that. But she was absolutely wrong. The part of me that thought that Kaname was so completely harmless and gentle-the part of me that was convinced he would never harm anyone or anything-died in that instant. I knew he was dangerous then, ironically and obviously...I realized that he was a vampire.

But I was such a naive child but then.

I don't know what drove me here now, to the Moon Dorm. Curiosity maybe. Or maybe I was just really bored. I've become more bold lately, especially since the incident with Zero in the stairwell-and my childhood fear of these creatures. I was dressed all in black-black legging and a long sleeved black fitted tee-trying to blend into the night, like a secret spy. I knew that that wouldn't really matter when it came to a vampire seeing me-their eyes cut straight through the darkness, Kaname told me that once when I was small. He was helping me to bed and I asked him how he could see so well in the dark when I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face-but I was still trying to have fun and enjoy myself.

I could easily climb the wall and get over the gate, that part was easy, I was an agile girl. Opening the door to get into the dorm was even easier, since I had a key for just about anything to the Academy.

The door creaked loudly when I pushed it open, giving the air an even eerier feel than it already held. I was surprised that there weren't any bats hanging from the chandelier. Or cobwebs, not that I was expecting a haunted house, or anything like that. I knew vampires weren't like they were in the movies. They didn't have an affliction to garlic, and they could most defiantly see their reflections.

I was positive this building was empty. I had just taken attendance for the Night students before coming here-they were currently in class having lessons. I had until about two in the morning-when their classes ended. No one _should_ be here. I was completely alone.

I've been in here before, but just in this front room-the common area. I sometimes had to bring papers here for Kaname or other students. I've never actually gotten to look around the actually dorm, though. I used my cell phone's flashlight-not wanting to turn on any of the building's lights-and began exploring. It was so dark in here! I started with the first floor, there was a small kitchen area, a library, nothing too different from the Sun Dormitory-except that it was all one million times nicer than what I was used too. Which pissed me off. I kicked the wall, swearing when I hurt my foot more than the wall.

I went to the staircase next, I couldn't help myself. I wanted to look at their rooms, their beds, see their things, how they lived. I ran up the stairs quick, holding onto the railing for support and making sure the laces of my shoes were tied before I started, it was smooth and felt like polished marble under my hand.

I turned down the hall and opened the first door I saw, twisting the knob and throwing it open wide. The room was huge compared to my own dorm room. Though there were two beds occupying the space-and they were big as well-there was still so much floor space. I stepped inside the room and went to the closest-or what I thought was the closet-and opened the door. It was an attached bathroom! With a personal shower, huge counter space, a gigantic mirror, and not one, but _two_ sinks! _REALLY?!_ The Sun Dormitory had only two bathrooms-one for the girls side and one for the boys. Two _communal_ bathrooms that everyone had to _share_. Everyone had to hurry to the shower stalls in the morning or you'd be out of luck until way later that evening, especially if you were a girl, since most of these rich girls took forever in the shower. One for the girls, and one for the boys. How unfair was it that these vampires got their own individual bathrooms? When I did find the closet it was about the same size as my _entire_ dorm room. I was fuming. I wanted to go straight to the Headmaster and throw a fit, demand he tell me what was up...but then I'd have to tell him that I had sneaked into the Moon Dormitory.

I went through a few other rooms, just being nosy, before I found Ruka's room. Her name was scrolled across a plaque in purple lettering on the door, like a child. I opened the door wondering if there was some way I could possibly mess with her, get back at her for always being so rude to me. I closed the door, deciding against it-it would be childish, and turned down the hall opposite to the girl's-the boy's side, I was assuming. Their rooms were setup exactly the same way. I was starting to get more angry-and then bored-until I found Hanabusa's room. I laughed, realizing exactly how I could mess with him. I ran back to Ruka's room and looked through her dresser until I found her underwear drawer-everyone has one, human or vampire-and took three pairs out. They were all so racy. "What a whore." I muttered to myself, before rushing back to Hanabusa's room. I stuffed them underneath his pillow. I knew it was his side because he had a picture framed of him and Kaname from when they were children. "Oh my God." I scooped it up. It was so cute. Kaname was so adorable as a child. I knew it was creepy and a really weird thing for me to do, but I took a picture of the photo with my cell phone's camera-just Kaname's half, of course, I wasn't very fond of Hanabusa. I bet his parents were beautiful, to have made such a child, I thought as I set the photo back down on Hanabusa's bedside table. I took one last look at Kaname's face trying to picture what his parents looked like. I left after a fit of laugher left me immobilized for about five minutes-picturing Hanabusa's face when he finds them.

I wondered around the halls a bit longer, just wasting time, until I came to a huge set of double doors at the very end of the hall. I grabbed the brass handle and pulled. The door was so heavy! "What the hell?" I tried pushing. When that didn't work I pulled harder-a bit surprised that it didn't open right away-and it gave.

The room in here just looked like an office. The entire wall across from the door was panned glass, a big window framed with deep, red curtains, with a dark, cherry wood desk sitting before it. There were stacks of papers piled neatly around it's surface, a few books, a crystal wine glass and decanter. The left wall was lined with tall book shelves, as were the walls to either sides of the doors. I stepped inside and looked at a few of the covers. They weren't in a language I recognized. Stepping further into the room, there was a deep red settee in the middle of the floor with a low coffee table the same color of the desk before it. Blood Tablets and papers littered the floor as if whoever was last reading them carelessly tossed them aside. I wasn't sure what to make of the Blood Tablets, thrown on the floor like they were. The carpet was a very deep, dark plum, almost black. A letter opener was stabbed into the table-its handle sticking straight up, as if someone plunged it there in a fit of rage.

My heart was beating hard, I wasn't sure why. I felt almost nervous. There was a door on the far right wall. I opened it, seeing an attached bedroom. I closed it immediately, feeling uncomfortable, uneasy, like I was naked and exposed, being watched by anyone and everyone. Instead I went over to the rather elaborate desk, choosing to take a closer look there. The chessboard sitting on it's top left corner should have given it away immediately-I mean, who plays chess? I wasn't one for details though, apparently. But right on top of all the papers and letters, was a picture...of me, from when I was about fourteen years old. I had just started high school then. I hated this picture, a lot. I looked like such a nerdy little girl. It was from when I had put my school uniform on for the first time. My father had sneaked up behind me and called out my name, snapping a picture as soon as I turned around. He did that a lot to me, always carrying around his camera. That was almost four years ago, and _he_ had kept it, after all this time.

This was Kaname's room.

I sat down in the soft leather, office chair-spinning it around in a full circle before coming to a stop before the desk, knowing that this was wrong. I shouldn't be in his room, looking through his things. He would probably know I was here when he came back after class and end up asking me about it later, or tell the Headmaster about it. But I just couldn't help myself. I was so close to him right now. I wanted to go through his stuff, touch everything, see what he was interested in, learn more about him, if we had any similar interests.

I wondered why he was mad at me enough to ignore me today. He had never done something like that before, not once that I could remember. And I was positive I would remember such a thing. What had I done to upset him? Was it because of what happened with Zero? That wasn't even my fault, though. He couldn't possibly be mad over that. Maybe he was mad at me because I wasn't mad at Zero for what had happened? That wasn't like Kaname, though, he was better than that. He knew Zero and I were really close friends.

I felt long fingers smooth through the back of my hair. When I screamed a hand clamped gently, but firmly, over my mouth-silencing me completely.

"Shhhh...Yuuki..." he breathed, right into my ear, voice sensual, beckoning to my soul, calling out to every fiber of my being, igniting a fire deep in my veins that burned hotter than the very sun. My knees quivered together, a chill running up my spine. The places that his skin met with mine burned.

I knew that no one else could ever make me feel this way. I didn't want anyone else to ever try too.

I prayed for the floor to open up and swallow me whole. Even though my blood turned to ice at having been caught, my neck and cheeks flooded with fire. How did he just _get_ here, so suddenly? And why wasn't he still in class? My phone was over on the table in front of the red settee. I didn't see any other clock around. But there was no way class was over yet.

Slowly, Kaname removed his hand from my mouth and spun the chair around so I was facing him. He put a hand on either armrest, caging me in-between his arms, leaning over me. "Yuuki, what are you doing here?" he asked. I couldn't look away from his eyes. He had me completely trapped.

I willed my heartbeat to slow down, knowing he could hear it, fearing if it kept it's rapid pace I would surly die. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat nervously, silently hoping my voice came out strong and clear. My mouth felt too dry. "Senpai, I could ask you that same...question." it was such a pathetic argument, but it was all I had. And arguing with Kaname was like arguing with a brick wall, you just couldn't win against him.

"Surely you must be aware by now, dear Yuuki, this is my room." he smiled, knowing I was fishing around my head for anything I could possibly use against him. Kaname reached forward and gently touched my hair, bringing a lock up to his lips and quietly inhaling.

"That's beside the point! You should still be in class, Senpai. Right now you're breaking Academy rules. And as a member of this Academy's Disciplinary Committee, I have a right to commit a dorm inspection whenever I please." there. A flawless argument. It took everything I had to keep from smiling, feeling smugly satisfied.

"Ahh, I suppose that is true." he tucked a few strands of my dark hair behind my ear, exposing my neck to him. He gently touched the bandage there, sending a shiver up my spine, causing Goosebumps to rise up on my exposed flesh. I couldn't help but remember the bed that was just behind _that_ door, on the other side of the room, just a few steps away from us. I wondered what it would be like, to be so completely exposed to him, in his arms. If he were to lift me up right now, wrapping my legs around his waist-carrying me to his bed. _Ohhh, how I wanted him to want me._ Kaname leaned in slowly, so slowly. I could feel his warm breath on my neck now. My mouth went completely dry at the feeling. I heard him inhale slightly, his nose skimming softly against the skin there, just slightly-before he pulled back suddenly. My eyes snapped open. I hadn't realized I'd even closed them. I stared up at him. He looked so sad then, not meeting my eyes. I reached up, wanting to touch his face, to feel him, to comfort him somehow-to take that look away, to ask him why he even looked like that in the first place. But I lost my nerve, letting my hand drop halfway. But he caught it, pulling it up to his cheek, closing his eyes and leaning into my palm as if it were his salvation. He sighed, like that small gesture was all the comfort he needed to take his sadness away. My simple touch. I loved him so much, right then. I loved him even more than I ever thought I could. More than anyone else. Ever since that first night I met him I knew we had a connection. I knew I would love him, back then. I could just feel it, deep inside of me, in my heart. And what's a girl to do in a moment like this-with the man she loves ensnared right before her very eyes, trapped underneath my hand. Not that I could ever trap him, I was confident he was a hundred million times stronger than I was, stronger than I could ever hope to comprehend. I did the only thing I possibly could do then, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, rising onto my toes. If I said I wasn't nervous or scarred I'd be lying-though I had no idea where that boldness came from. I had never kissed anyone before, never initiated it, at least, never made the first move. And I've only ever _been_ kissed once. I knew Kaname had feelings for me but I had no idea if they were romantic or not. Maybe I was just a sweet little animal that amused him and needed protecting, I didn't know. But for the moment I didn't really care. He wasn't pushing me away, and that was all I knew and all I needed to know. I wrapped my free arm around his neck, pulling my body against his, as close as I could get to him. My nerves felt like they were on fire and my head was spinning and my heart was pounding so fast. His mouth was so warm and soft against mine. I was so lost in the feeling of him against me.

And it wasn't enough. I wanted more, I needed more.

But his hands were there, unraveling my arms from his neck, and it was over too quickly. My heart dropped-in that moment-falling to the floor. I was-of course-embarrassed and humiliated-as I imagined any one would have been in my position. I never thought it would turn out like this. Rejection. It was the worst feeling I had ever thought I'd experience. I couldn't even look at him-I didn't want too, instead I dropped my head low and studied the carpet-it really was such a lovely color. My cheeks were so hot and I could feel tears swimming in my eyes, threatening to overflow. Kaname's hand was under my chin, trying to lift my face so I'd look at him. I slapped his hand away and ran from the room, the dorm.

I just kept going.


	14. Chapter 14

_And when you wake up...you won't remember anything..._

"Yuuki? Wake up!" my father was shaking my shoulders. I could feel his hands, warm against my cooler flesh, and hear his voice, calling out to me, trying to bring me back to reality, shaking my shoulders gently but firmly. But pulling myself out of sleep was so hard, I didn't want to walk away from this dream-not this one, not yet-not when it felt so familiar, so real. This voice, her voice, I knew it as well as I knew my own. I knew I did, I could feel it. But I couldn't place a name to it, a face. I didn't want to let go, but she had been pushing me away so insistently...

When I opened my eyes I was crying, hard, my whole body shook. My face was soaked with salty tears and my heart was heavy with despair, as if I lost part of myself. "What has you so worked up?" he asked, pulling me up and into a tight hug, rubbing my back in a soothing manner. I couldn't answer him for several long moments, just needing to cry, burying my face into his chest. I was mostly confused, dazed from the images reseeding from my mind faster than I could process them. I tried to hold onto them, but they were slipping away much too quickly.

"I'm-I'm just...really sad." I said through my tears, trying to get ahold of myself. "I had a dream, and...I don't remember much of it. There was a women there...a woman's voice...I can't remember what she said. But...I'm so sad for her." I cried. Her face, soaked in blood, coming at me in a flash, a blurring motion, tears and emotion choking her words as she called out to me, saying...something. "She was in pain." I didn't usually tell my father about my dreams, but this one was completely different from my usually night terrors. I knew that women from somewhere. I could _feel_ it.

The Headmaster was quiet, like he was waiting for me to continue speaking, to tell him all I could about the dream.

But there wasn't really anything else to tell. "I think she might of lost someone." I added. I sat up out of his arms and wiped my face on the comforter, dabbing at my eyes with the soft fabric.

"It was just a dream, Yuuki." the Headmaster promised, hugging me again, though it seemed like he just didn't know what else to say, using the hug as a distraction.

"But it feels like so much more." I whispered into his shoulder. "I think I might know her." I pressed. "She seemed so familiar. Her voice, I feel like I've heard it before."

"Dreams can feel very vivid sometimes, dear Yuuki, especially when we've been though something...life changing." I assumed he was referring to what happened with Zero. He stroked my hair once. "But you can't keep dwelling on it. You're awake now and I'm here with you. Now come on." he took my hands and held them in his, leaning down to kiss them before he stood. "I'll make you something to eat while you take a bath and calm down."

I watched his retreating back. He didn't understand because I've never told him about any of my other dreams before. This one wouldn't seem significant to him like it does to me. He doesn't know how haunted I feel.

I looked around my room, my own solitary sanctuary. The dark wooden floor boards, the smooth wooden dressers, dark and rich, matching bed frame-tall, four poster, the plush white fur rug spread out under my bed, grey bedding. When Kaname had first brought me here, the Headmaster had made my room up all frilly and pink. Fit for a princess, he had said at that time. Picturing how it used to look still makes me smile.

Thinking about the dream-trying to remember it detail for detail-was only giving me a pounding headache. I couldn't remember it. The Headmaster was right, dwelling on it was a bad idea. I sunk my body down further into the steaming hot water and tried to focus my mind elsewhere. I hadn't seen Kaname since the night I had kissed him. I don't know if I was happy or if I regretted the entire thing, kissing him the way I did. Maybe I ruined our whole relationship, forcing a kiss on him like that. I was so confused. It was my own fault though. I deserved this torment. I was the one avoiding him.

I had always pictured our first kiss being so incredibly romantic. Him taking me in his arms so gently, looking into my eyes, leaning in so slowly, initiating the whole thing.

I slapped myself, remembering his hands pushing me away.

Instead, I tried imagining what it would have been like if he had responded to my kiss, better yet, taken control of the entire situation. I pictured what it would feel like with Kaname in control. I always wondered what his hands would feel like on my body, my bare skin. If he had picked me up and carried me to that bed, just beyond that door on the far side of the room. The feeling of his lips on my exposed skin, places no one had ever touched before, let alone seen, not even the sun had dared kiss. Him, peeling off my clothes-slowly, one piece at a time, gazing deeply into my eyes. What it would actually feel like to be _together_.

I felt hot suddenly, and I knew that it was because of more than just the water. My heart was racing. There was a strange tingling deep in-between my thighs. When I pictured Kaname over me, completely undressed, hair disheveled, pressing his body into mine-over and over, so agonizingly slow-whispering his love in my ear, sweet, undying declarations-the feeling there became even stronger. Why couldn't my dreams be more like this, instead of these terrible, constant nightmares? Oh, how I wished I dreamed of Kaname.

Slowly-because I had never done something like this before-I reached my hand down in-between my thighs-throwing one leg carelessly over the side of the tub-searching for the spot that was causing me to ache with such yearning. When I skimmed my fingers across it, I gasped, electricity shooting down my legs-my eyes snapping opened wide. When had I even closed them?

I stood up in the water-pulling the drain out with me. I watched the water rush down the drain in a small tornado before stepping out of the tub, wondering what was wrong with me. My feelings were everywhere. My emotions felt in turmoil. I needed something constant. I toweled the water off of my body quickly and threw on my pajamas-yoga shorts and a black tank top, basically the only thing I ever wore to bed-before exiting the bathroom, thinking about the constants in my life.

There was Zero. We were basically family. I didn't think he would ever leave me. The Headmaster was also my family. He wouldn't ever leave me either. Yori was always there. As my best friend, I was positive she would never leave me. Of course, she wasn't going to be going to school here for the rest of her life. Eventually she would graduate. And if she didn't choose to go to Cross University, I might not ever see her again. I didn't even know what I wanted to do after graduating high school. I never pictured myself away from the Academy.

Passing by Zero's room, I noticed his door was cracked open slightly. Needing the distraction, conversation, and hopefully-if I was lucky-a bit of comfort, I knocked on the doorframe lightly with my fist a few times before I popped my head inside, hoping to talk with him. But he was hunched over on the floor, grasping at his throat-clawing at it like he couldn't get any air. There was an overturned glass on the floor of what looked like water. Blood Tablets were scattered all about. Some of them got caught in the stream of spilt water and were just beginning to dissolve, turning the liquid red. His chest was bear-rising and falling rapidly-and he was sweating, shaking rather hard.

Panic rose up inside me, the night in the stairwell all but forgotten. I rushed over to him, kneeling on the floor beside him, thinking right away that he was choking and would die. "Zero!" I called out, grabbing his shoulders, trying to help him sit up. "What is it? What's wrong? Should I call the Headmaster?" I didn't know what was wrong with him, but he clearly needed help. Calling my father was the only thing I could think to do in this situation. He always had an answer for everything. I went to rise, intending to rush for my father, to drag him back here and make him help, but Zero stopped me, grabbing my hand. His grip was tight, desperate, crushingly brutal. My heart was flying around my chest. I felt scared for him, terrified something was seriously wrong and that he was going to die. He looked up at me and I saw that his eyes were crimson red. Instantly, I knew what was wrong with him. For some reason I felt slightly relieved. He needed blood. In my mind the vampire from that night ten years ago flashed behind my eyes. My heart skipped an uneasy beat. But this was Zero. When he first came to live with us he was covered in blood and his face was streaked with dried tears. Though he never cried in front of me, that first look spoke of tragedy, before my father even opened his mouth to tell me what had happened, I knew he had been though some great ordeal. The Zero from four years ago was so sad he couldn't even talk or do anything for himself, he just stared down at his feet, seeing nothing, so completely lifeless. The Zero from four years ago needed me to lay beside him at night and stroke his hair softly, hold his hand, sometimes even sing to him, until he fell asleep. The Zero from four years ago needed me to help him. And the Zero right now needed me to help him.

Zero would never hurt me.

How could I ever think he would?

I went over to the door and closed it quietly, twisting the lock on the knob before returning to him. It wouldn't help anyone if someone were to walk in now and see what we were about to do. My heart was beating so hard I knew he could hear it. Vampires had good hearing. I was always trying to remind myself of that. I wondered if he noticed it though, what it made him think. _He would never hurt me_ , I reminded myself before kneeling down in front of him. I pulled my tank top down low, exposing almost all of my left breast to him. "What the hell are you doing?" he croaked out, shocked, trying to turn away from me.

I was blushing furiously. "Do it here so no one will see." I whispered. I shouldn't feel embarrassed. This is Zero, after all.

"Yuuki-"

"I promised!" I cut him off, desperation coloring my tone. "Zero, I promised you that I'd be by your side. You said you couldn't take the Tablets. I'm not gonna lose you!" for some reason my eyes filled with tears, overflowing, spilling down my cheeks. I was crying. "I don't want to see you suffer." I whispered through my tears. "Not...not when I can help you."

Zero took my face in his hands and gently wiped my tears with his thumbs. He looked into my eyes for a moment, like he was searching for something. I don't know what he saw there, but whatever it was must have eased his doubts because he proceeded. Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, the other around my waist, he pulled me in close, gently running his tongue around the supple skin of my cleavage. A chill shot up my spine at the foreign feeling and I felt a tingling in the pit of my stomach. _Probably just nerves,_ I told myself. His fangs sank in carefully, slowly, trying his best not to cause me any undue pain-but my mind was on nothing but that moment in the stairwell, where he took my blood with all the force he had in his entire being. I tried to stay calm, to keep from having a full-blown panic attack. It burned at first, and then felt really hot, but not uncomfortably hot. Heat spread out through my limps, to my finger tips and toes, my scalp even. _He isn't hurting me,_ I reminded myself, over and over again. _Zero would never hurt me._ But when I heard the sounds of him swallowing-pulling my blood in deep, slow drags-I couldn't help but picture myself in a different position, wrapped up in Kaname's arms, that it was his mouth at my breast, that it was him drinking my blood, mixing my life-force together with his own. I could feel fire deep in my stomach, igniting an unknown feeling within me. I pulled Zero even closer to me, tangling my fingers in his hair-pulling, wrapping my legs tight around his waist-pressing myself against him, losing myself in the feelings those movements caused, not even caring, for a small moment, if he killed me. I wanted it to last.

He grabbed my hips-stilling my unsteady movements that I hadn't realized I had been making, pulling away from me and untangling my limbs from his, as if reading my thoughts and wanting the exact opposite. I felt cold and the unbidden feelings of abandonment came crawling back into me. Turning away from me, Zero went over to his desk and grabbed some tissues-not meeting my eyes, almost blushing-handing them to me. I folded them into a small square-sort of like a make-shift bandage-and placed them over his bite mark, surprised at the difference in this one compared to the first one he had given me; there was hardly any blood coming from the wound. It didn't even hurt, not really, I might have even enjoyed it... I readjusted my top-using the fabric to hold the tissue in place.

"Are you alright, Yuuki?" Zero asked hoarsely, finally looking at me now that I was redressed. He cleared his throat. I couldn't answer him, not at first, not trusting my voice to come out clearly either. I laid myself flat against the floor, feeling slightly dizzy all of a sudden, throwing and arm over my eyes.

"Zero, will you tell me about your mother?" I was suddenly reminded of the dream I had of the woman, her voice, her sadness, her pain, the way her voice was fill with an urgency I couldn't understand. The Headmaster had said to just let it go, but I still wanted to talk about it. I felt almost haunted.

He seemed shocked-surprised that I was asking something so out of the ordinary. But he didn't ask why I wanted to know, which I found to be rather refreshing. Maybe he was assuming I was just curious about what it was like to have a mother. After all, I didn't remember mine. I didn't know either of my birth parents. Zero knew that.

"She was really kind. She always put us before herself, my brother and I." he smiled softly, remembering the past. "Whenever I came home from school she was always at the stove, making something for us to eat and humming softly to herself. She had a really nice singing voice. She sang us to sleep every night." he laughed, sounding slightly embarrassed. He had a far off look in his eyes and was smiling softly at the fond memories. "Even when we got older, my brother would insist on it. She could never say no to him."

I tried to picture such gentleness. The Headmaster never sang to me. He did sing, though, but it was so loud and obnoxious.

"I didn't know you had a brother." I said-pushing my bangs back off my forehead with my forearm, resting it there-remembering some of the nights at the beginning, when Zero had first come to live with us, and he had just awoken from a nightmare, waking me up with all the racket he had been making. I would go to check on him and his eyes would be wide, staring at things that I couldn't see. I know that look, I remember thinking. Like he had just seen a demon, remembering something terrible. Sometimes he would ask me, so quietly I was never exactly sure if I had heard him right, but would always comply regardless, to sing to him. It must have reminded him of his mother.

He sighed. "I had a whole family."

"I think that...I must have too." I whispered. "Sometimes I-I feel so empty inside. I know that the Headmaster is trying his best. He adopted me and gave me a nice home, a place to live, a family. But...I feel like there's so much missing. I don't know." I stood up quickly.

"Yuuki-"

"I'm going downstairs." I stated, wiping at my eyes. "You should take a shower before you come down. You sort of smell." I wrinkled my nose at him. He had been sweating before.

It was too hard to talk about the past that I couldn't remember, even to Zero. He knew what it was like to feel loss, to have experienced it. I assumed that would make it easy to discuss with him, because he understood. I blindly considered us to be _so_ similar. But that was absolutely ridicules. Zero had watched his whole family get massacred by a vampire, right before his very eyes. They could never come back. I was just dumped in some blizzard. My parents might still be alive. That thought alone broke my heart into a thousand thousand pieces. For some reason, it seemed kinder that they died-to my mind, at least. If they had died, or had been murdered, like Zero's family had-then they couldn't have thrown me away the way that I felt they had.

I grabbed onto the banister for support as I descended down the stairs, thinking more on the woman in my dream, her voice, the words she had so desperately uttered. I tried hard, really hard to remember more of the dream. I knew I knew her. I pressed my mind, searching deeply throughout. A searing, blinding pain shot behind my eyes, catching me completely off guard. I clung to the railing, suddenly losing my balance, and my vision, almost blacking out. Sitting on the stairs, I cradled my head in my hands, rocking back and forth, cradling my head in my hands, hoping to all Heavens the pain would subside.

It faded after a few minutes to the point where I could move again. But when I opened my eyes there was blood all over-it was everywhere, on the stairs at my feet, on my feet, smeared up my legs, my hands. I shut my eyes again tightly, shaking my head, willing the pain behind my eyes to fade. _There's no blood_. I promised myself. _It's just the headache_. _It can't be there._

Slowly-because I was afraid-I opened my eyes again, finding the staircase and my body clean. I brushed the images off-though they shook me-as a result of the headache. My head still hurt pretty bad, though. I headed to the kitchen for some pain killers, positive my father was in there.

I wasn't prepared for what met me there. My father was there, that I expected. What I didn't expect to see, was Kaname, sitting at our kitchen table, so casually as if he lived there with us. He was sipping a deep, dark liquid out of a fine crystal glass; the one's the Headmaster only ever brings out for special occasions. I wasn't sure if it was wine, or blood. I wasn't about to ask either. He met my gaze as soon as I stepped into the room. I self-consciously flipped my hair over my left shoulder, covering my breast, as a sort of shield to what Zero and I had just done. I felt so exposed under his penetrating eyes.

But he knew.

I could tell.

Kaname knew everything, even before you knew he knew, or before you knew it yourself. That was just another one of his infuriating qualities that I couldn't stand about him, that I loved so much. It was in his eyes, his eyes gave him away, and they only did because he let them. He wanted me to know that he knew. The way they met mine, glanced at my chest, right at the spot where Zero's fangs had entered me, looked back at my face, and then simply away, almost as if I wasn't even in the room, not saying a single thing.

I promised myself I wouldn't regret what I was doing with Zero. If I could help him, even just a tiny bit, that was enough. But I couldn't help the feeling of my heart dropping to the floor. I couldn't help but feel like I was betraying Kaname.

Or maybe that wasn't it. Maybe I was over thinking things, imaging certain scenarios that never even happened to begin with. Maybe Kaname was just thinking about that kiss, how I basically crossed the line with our relationship, took the initiative. I knew I was, constantly. I felt my cheeks flush, for more reasons then one-embarrassment, and anger, self-consciousness. I hadn't looked at his face that night, when he pushed me away from him. I didn't want to see the rejection in his eyes. My eyes were currently so transfixed on his mouth-his perfect lips, the way he brought his glass up to his them, sipping slowly, savoring almost-

"Yuuki?"

The Headmaster's voice pulled me from my thoughts-thankfully-making me jump slightly, I knew I was staring, they all knew. I met his eyes. He was smiling kindly at me, the way he did. He was always smiling. But his forehead was creased with concern. I knew what I probably looked like-pale, shaken from whatever the hell that was on the stairs, dark bags under my eyes, and my head was still throbbing. Plus, I had just lost a lot of blood.

"I made some soup, Yuuki. Why don't you sit down with Kaname? I'll get you both some." he moved towards the stove, grabbing a bowl out of an overhead cabinet, intent on filling it.

"No." I stopped him before he could fill the bowl in his hand, the ladle was hanging in the air dripping soup. He looked at me, eyes filled with an unasked question. _Why wasn't I eating?_ Though I wanted so badly to enjoy a meal with Kaname, as I had so many times before when I was a child, I knew that if I was near him now I would reveal everything to him; the dreams, the blood, maybe even what I had just done with Zero, beg him to help me, to tell me that everything was going to be okay, that he was going to take all the nightmares away. "I'm not hungry." I said instead, choosing to lie. Though it wasn't truly a lie. I didn't have much of an appetite at the moment. That woman's crying voice still haunted my mind, so fresh, filled with agony, making my hands shake with unease.

A sharp pain assaulted the spot behind my left eye, making me cringe. I tried to soothe it, rubbing my temple with my fingers. "I have a headache." I complained. "I just want to get back to sleep. I'm going back to bed after I get some meds. Can I please have something for it? Dad?" I learned at a really young age that my addressing the Headmaster as my father was his biggest weakness. He wouldn't be able to deny me anything.

The Headmaster and Kaname exchanged a quick look. They were probably hoping that I wouldn't have noticed, but I did. I didn't like that look. It was as if they were sharing a secret, talking about me silently to each other. I didn't like feeling like I was being left in the dark. Again. I couldn't help but think that, like with Zero, it was only a matter of time before something else went horribly wrong in my life.


	15. Chapter 15

Things went downhill ever since I had that first vision of blood. I don't know if it could really be considered a vision, if you could actually call it that. I didn't have visions. I wasn't psychic. But whenever I drifted off, whether it be to sleep or into a simple daydream-letting my thoughts wonder off, I would end up coming-too in a pool of blood, my whole world coated in crimson red. I felt as if I were truly losing my mind, my grip on reality. I had headaches constantly, crippling migraines were I couldn't even get out of bed. I was missing a lot of school. My fuse was extremely short. I was very likely to snap at whoever pressed me wrong-looked at me the wrong way, whether they were aware they were doing it or not. I couldn't focus on my patrols. I basically just picked a spot on school grounds and sat there until classes were over. Students could be breaking the rules, sneaking around after curfew, and I wouldn't know the better. I knew the Headmaster noticed my off behavior. But he didn't say anything about it, not to me, at least. Why, I couldn't tell you. You would think that as a father he'd want to get to the bottom of his daughters ailments. I still continued to give my blood to Zero-sometimes more than once a day, and he no longer argued with me about it-no longer told me he didn't need it, that he was doing just fine on his own; but I could tell it was straining him to see me suffering, and I was suffering, growing so much weaker. Every single day. He blamed himself for it, told me it was his fault and that he should be stronger and able to control himself. But he had no idea what was going on within me, in my mind-that it was the dreams that we weakening me more than it was him taking my blood. I couldn't tell him that though. I couldn't tell anyone about them. I didn't want them to worry, to think that I was crazy. I couldn't bare being called crazy. School was even worse. Everyday I dreaded going. It was so hard to pull myself out of bed every single morning. My grades were dropping drastically. I couldn't pay attention to my studies. I couldn't focus on anything.

I had never skipped class before. I found that-like Yori-school rules were always holding me back. But I had found that after lunch had ended I had no desire to sit through another long and boring lecture, that I wouldn't be paying any attention too one anyway. When did I stop caring about school, studies, tests, grades?

I stared up at the Moon Dormitory's tall windows while I walked around campus, actually enjoying the fresh air and my bold decision to skip class. I ran my hand along the blemish free wall that surrounded the building-protecting it from unsuspecting Day Class students-wondering if Zero or Yori were worried about where I was right now. I already knew that Yori was worried about me in general. She tried to keep a conversation going with me during lunch, trying to drop subtle hints that she knew I wasn't myself, just trying to be a good friend. But I was too distracted to keep up with her. I couldn't pay attention to her, not slightly. I couldn't even eat anything my lunch. I barely had an appetite these days anymore.

I was near the back of the Moon Dorm now. I took another look at the wall, skimming my hand along it's smooth surface. It was oddly smooth, weirdly, like a marble. For some reason it disgusted me with how perfect it was, white and smooth. It just seemed so unnatural. It made me feel unpleasant inside, almost dirty. I knew I had a black permanent marker somewhere in my bag. I dug around till I found it. I removed the cap and contemplated what to mark this plain-faced wall with before I destroyed it's perfect face. I wasn't much of an artist, and I didn't have very nice handwriting, but I felt like no one would see this anyway. I stepped back and admired my work, a big, thick, black, messy _X_. "Or a cross." I whispered to myself-imagining it as my sort of personal signature- capping the marker and tossing it back into my bag. I had never defaced anything before in my entire life.

I stepped into the woods.

There was a large lake that surrounded Cross Academy, further isolating the already extremely private school, and the wooded area was extremely dense near the Moon Dormitory, further isolating _it_. There was a large, beautiful waterfall hidden out in the trees, that's where I was going. Pine needles crunched softly under my boots as I made my way through the thick, dense trees. I spent so much time here during the long summer breaks. It was my secret sanctuary. Of course, it wasn't _that_ much of a secret. It wasn't as if no one knew there _was_ a lake, or woods, that's something you can't really miss, unless you're physically blind. It's just that no one ever comes near here. It's too close to the Moon Dormitory.

I stood at the water's edge, dropping my bag carelessly to the ground.

When was it? When was it that I started to feel absolutely nothing? There really was nothing inside of me. Just this black emptiness, a pit that seemed to go on and on forever. I couldn't sleep anymore. I didn't want to. I didn't dare to. I knew if I slept I would dream and if I dreamt I would see things I didn't want to see. Blood. All that blood. So much blood. It was everywhere. All over the place. Painting my whole world red.

I removed my uniform jacket next, undoing my red necktie first and stuffing it into my jacket's pocket so it wouldn't be carried away on the light breeze. I was colder now, even though the sun beat down warm and hot all day long, every single day. It was like my body couldn't hold on to anything warm, too tired to put in any effort for the simplest of tasks.

When, exactly?

It didn't matter if I slept in my room or in the dorm with Yori only a few feet away, or if I passed out on the couch in our living room, even the floor which I was known to do on occasion-staring into a textbook. I'd have the nightmares, or dreams, visions, whatever the fuck you want to call them-they didn't make sense and they were always so terrible. It was always the same; I'd see something that felt so familiar, voices that I knew but had never heard before, places and rooms that I knew I had never been too, never seen before, but felt as familiar as my very own house. Then I would open my eyes and there would be blood smeared on everything.

I pulled my boots off and dropped them onto the pile, peeling my black socks off after.

I had always had that dream about that rouge vampire on the snowy mountain, that didn't really seem so strange since it was a pretty traumatic event. Of course, most people forget traumatic things, to protect their minds, pushing the images away. In my case, I remembered them every single night.

When did it change? When did that dream start to change?

Mechanically undoing the buttons of my white shirt, I shivered as it slid from my shoulders, cold under the hot sun. I knew I wasn't technically in public, but it felt like I sort of was, and I had never been so exposed-so free. I slid my skirt down my pale legs, letting it pool at my feet. My dark hair hung messily down my back, softly blowing in the light breezing.

I jumped into the cool water, relaxing instantly, remembering the last time I had come here with Zero. It was last summer. The air conditioning unit had broken in our house and it was extremely hot. I remember feeling so miserable, the sticky air had become so unbearable. I had actually managed to convince Zero to come here with me, no wanting to be alone. He had protested at first, claiming that he didn't swim-that he didn't know how, telling me to go on my own. But that was a bunch of crap. Who didn't know how to swim? After pouting for only a few short minutes though, he caved, giving in to me so easily.

I came up for air, flipping my wet hair back against my scalp and sighing, the images of us playing together in the water reseeding quickly. That was a good memory. We had had a lot of fun that day, swimming together. It was one of the few times Zero had let his guard down around me.

"Cross Yuuki."

I jumped at the sound of my name, at having been caught; at skipping class, at being naked. I was still in my underwear, of course, but that didn't mean I wanted to be caught in such a state. This place wasn't that far out in the unknown-still on campus, but I didn't really think anyone would journey out into the woods.

I modestly covered my breasts with my arms where the water had soaked through the white material-causing it to become see through-looking up for the source of the voice, the very _masculine_ voice. I found him seated on a high tree branch, leaning back casually against it's trunk, staring down over his pointed nose, arms thrown behind his head, eyeing my lazily, looking positively haughty. His curly blonde hair stood out against the dark bark of the tree, ice blue eyes piercing. "Hana-chan." I mocked, my nickname for Hanabusa Auido. "What are you doing out during the day?" I asked, not in the mood for his games.

"I could ask you the same thing. It's not like Miss Prefect-san to be skipping classes." his eyes narrowed at me like frozen daggers. He'd be menacing if I actually took him seriously. I could feel the temperature of the water slowly dropping. He didn't like that I called him Hana-chan.

 _Summer has always been my favorite season. I wanted it to last forever. The flowers, the sun, the warmth, I loved it all. I couldn't stand being cold. I couldn't even stand the very idea of being cold. Maybe it had something to do with that night, so many years ago, and that rouge vampire on that snowy mountain. Just the thought of snow made me depressed. I was patrolling, as I do every night, as I've done for so many nights before. But this night was different. This night was actually eventful. There were a few Day Class students wandering around campus, probably looking to run into some Night Class students, or to take some pictures of them secretly; they were so obsessed with them. Either way they were breaking the Academy's rules and it was my job as a prefect to set them straight. I knew exactly what I needed to do. I had it all planned out in my head before I even made my first move. I would surprise them suddenly, so they couldn't run off, taking down their names and dorm room numbers so the Headmaster could deal with them accordingly, before escorting them back to the Sun Dormitory. I remember tripping-my shoelaces never stayed tied for very long-I was always so clumsy. I scrapped my palms and knees against the pavement, falling down pretty hard. Small cuts marred my smooth flesh, burning-I knew there'd be bruises in the morning-but I ignored them, intent on doing my duty before tending to such small cuts. The girls had protested when I reached them, not wanting to return to their rooms. They asked for just a few more minutes-completely set on getting to see the Night Class students-of course I didn't comply, sending them away immediately, now that there was blood it was too dangerous for them to be out, more than it probably already was. He grabbed me from behind as soon as they were gone, whispering low in my ear "I've got you, Yuuki-chaaannn."_

I've always remembered that night, when Auido took my blood without my permission. Thinking about it sent shivers down my spine. It had been a very small bite- _'just a taste' as he called it -_ in my palm. "It's not so strange in my case, Hana-chan." I defended, holding back a shiver at the dropping temperature. "After all, I'm not a _vampire_ nor am I a _Night Class_ student." though, those things were one in the same when it came to this academy. "You aren't allowed to be out of the dorm before class, especially without your uniform on. Do I need to call your leader?" the Night Class students had to wear their uniforms if they left the dorm so they weren't considered to be an outside threat.

He hopped down from his perch, landing gracefully next to my pile of discarded clothing. He smiled sweetly at me. My heart started beating faster when he leaned down to pick up my shirt. Just what was he up to? "Maybe you should do that, Yuuki-chan, if you consider me to be such a threat." he chuckled slightly. "I'm sure Kuran-sama would find your current state rather humorous."

I couldn't help my blush at the thought of Kaname seeing me like this, swimming in my underwear a few yards from his dorm, basically naked. "You don't have room to be making threats! I could shoot you on sight, Hana-chan." I shouldn't be taking my bad mood out on him, even if he is a complete idiot. That was something Zero was more likely to do, not me. And I didn't even have a gun. "What do you want, anyway?" I asked, feeling grumpy.

He reached into my uniform jacket's pocket and pulled out the red necktie, bringing it to his nose and inhaling. He moved it away, looking disgusted. I couldn't help but feel insulted. "I know it was you." he said finally, apparently ready to get right to the point.

"You know what was me?" I wanted to get out of the water, to go over to him and push him away from my belongings. But I didn't want him to look at me when I was practically naked.

He moved to my schoolbag next, going through my things as he pleased. "You put Ruka's underwear in my room!" he yelled out passionately, pointing an accusing finger at me. "I found her panties underneath my pillow! When she saw she tried to murder me!"

Silence hung in between us.

I broke it after a few short seconds.

"Hana-chan, don't blame me for your weird panty fetish...and your strange obsession for Ruka."

His face turned beat red. "None of those things are true!" he cried out, embarrassed and angry. He took my cell phone from my bag, holding it up for me to see that he had it. He knew how precious my phone was to me. "Until you tell Ruka that it was you that took them I'm taking this!" he said before turning on his heels and dashing away.

"NO!" I yelled out, climbing from the water, but he was already gone. "Auido!" I scooped up my clothes, throwing on my skirt and shirt as quickly as I could, carrying the rest of the pile with me. I had a lot of personal things in my cell phone. _Personal pictures_. Like the one I took of Kaname as a child that Auido had on his bedside table that is basically all the proof anyone needs to place me being the one who put Ruka's underwear in Auido's room! I couldn't let him see those. I couldn't let _anyone_ see those pictures. I had to get my phone back before Auido went through it. He was such a nosy jerk!

Obviously, I was no match for a vampire when it came to anything, like speed, for instance. I was just assuming that Auido had gone back to the Moon Dormitory. Where else would he go? The water was soaking into my uniform, making the fabric stick to my body. My feet and legs were streaked with mud. my hair hung in wet clumps, moving out behind me as I ran.

By the time I got to the Moon Dormitory I was out of breath. I pounded on the door with a tight fist repeatedly until I was answered. It was minutes before a maid finally let me in, I didn't have my keys with me this time, forgetting them on my bedside table at home. I shoved her aside, dropping my jacket, shoes, and schoolbag in the doorway and storming inside. No one was around the common area, I assumed they were all probably still sleeping since the sun was still up. I ran up the stairs, intend on confronting Auido in his room. I threw the door open. It hit the wall loudly, waking Kain-Auido's roommate up. "Where is he?!" I demanded immediately.

"Where is who?" he said, groggy from sleep, yawning widely. Kain sat up out of bed and ran a hand through his messy orange hair.

"Your stupid cousin!" I yelled, checking the bathroom. I yanked the shower curtain aside. Auido wasn't in there either. I could here other students stirring in the hallway. This was probably way more excitement then their spoiled hearts were used to. I looked under the bed next. There was nothing but socks and old manga with frayed bindings.

"What exactly did Hanabusa do this time, Cross-san?" Kain asked, coming up behind me. I glanced at his exposed, toned chest, turning away.

"He took my...none of our business!" I shoved past him, back into the hallway. Where else did Auido hangout? Maybe he was hiding in Senri's room. Shiki Senri was such a red-headed weirdo, though. I didn't really want to go anywhere near his room.

"Is she gone?" I heard Auido ask, from back in the room. I stormed back in to find him climbing from the closet. He met my eyes and rushed past me, shoving me into the door, probably further denting the wall.

"You two are children." Kain mumbled, getting back into bed, throwing the covers up over his head. At first his comment had made me angry, but then I realized Kain was right. I really was being foolish. There was a much easier way to get what I wanted back from Auido.

I walked in the opposite direction Auido had taken.

"Wait...where are you going?" Auido asked nervously, coming up behind me, curious. Judging by the turn his tone of voice had taken, I had a feeling he knew exactly where I was going. He apparently wasn't that worried though, since he didn't give in and hand over my cell phone.

I knocked lightly on Kaname's door before pushing it open, not waiting for an answer but still wanting to seem polite. It was dark inside the room. All the curtains were drawn tight. But he wasn't in there. I went to the door on the far right wall, realizing he must still be in bed. _Obviously._ But I was fueled by my anger, and went right on in, without even knocking.

It was even darker in his bedroom then it was in the private office. The curtains around the bed were closed tightly. I mustered up some fake tears, which wasn't hard since I was already so upset. I had a really embarrassing habit of crying when I was angry enough. I already knew I looked a complete mess too, all wet and covered in mud.

I pulled the curtain aside and peered in, hoping he was decent. Kaname was huddled deep underneath the blankets, like the room still wasn't dark enough form him. I lightly touched his shoulder and he stirred immediately under my hand. When our eyes met I couldn't help but picture his hands reaching out for me, fingers forking into my hair, pressing me into the mattress while he climbed on top of me, the blankets falling all around us, his mouth descending against mine, hands ripping my shirt open-

"Yuuki," he sat up, his voice was raspy from sleep. My breath caught in my throat at the sound of it, just my name, and I felt a familiar blush begin to creep into my cheeks. I couldn't see him very well, but I could hear the concern in his voice, knowing he could see me just fine. Kaname brushed my damp hair off of my shoulder and touched my cheek, stroking it softly. "What happened?" he asked, probably wondering for all the world what I was doing in his room, dripping wet and covered in dirt.

Maybe this was a bad idea. This really was a childish move, after all. And he really did sound so concerned for me. I was probably taking advantage of the whole situation.

It was too late to back down now. I was already here. And he was waiting for me to answer him. "It was Auido." I whispered, sounding as broken as I could. I didn't like taking advantage of Kaname, but Auido had this coming. He and I would forever be at odds. I doubted we would ever find common ground.

Kaname didn't say anything. He just got up and left the room, leaving the door open behind him. I couldn't help but let a small smile spread across my lips. He came back a few minutes later, opening the window's curtains to let some sunlight into the room. Kaname sat down on the bed beside me and handed me my cell phone back. I didn't ask what happened, I didn't really care. I had the phone back and as far as I knew, nobody knew anything about the picture or Ruka or the underwear or that I was involved in anyway.

I started to feel a bit uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze. Kaname was just sitting there, looking me over, and he had that sad look in his eyes again. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I was too nervous.

I cleared my throat nervously and stood up, intent on leaving. "Well um...thank you-"

"Why don't you use my bathroom, Yuuki. Clean up a bit before you go back home. I'm sure the Headmaster wouldn't want to see you in such a state. Especially considering your skipping lessons. You can use my shower."

I looked down at my body. My clothes were soaked and kind of dirty. My legs were streaked with mud. My hair was damp and tangled.

"I don't have anything to change into." I said, mostly just stalling. He was probably right. Showing up home completely clean and dry was one thing. Going home wet and filthy, covered in dirt and mud, soaking in lake water was another. I'd have a lot less explaining to do if I were clean.

Kaname rose from his place on the bed and went over to the large wardrobe in the coroner. He removed a plain black dress shirt and handed it to me. "Anything else?" he asked.

So here I was, in Kaname's shower, using his shampoo, his soap. I breathed in his familiar scents, feeling so close to him, running the soapy bubbles over my naked flesh imagining my hands were his, caressing me so gently. I blushed, remembering he was in the other room, waiting for me to finish and join him. He probably wanted a better explanation for what was going on. I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. I couldn't stall under shower pretenses anymore. It had already been almost an hour since I started bathing. I caught my foot on the edge of the ceramic, tripping, knocking the shampoo bottle onto the floor. It fell to the tile loudly, clattering loudly, rolling under the sink. I grabbed onto the glass door for support, trying to steady my racing heart, thanking all the stars I didn't hit the floor. The last thing I needed right now was a gapping head injury.

"Yuuki," Kaname called from outside of the bathroom door. "Are you all right?" I couldn't help but imagine him walking in, taking his clothing off one piece at a time, slowing, all the while never breaking eye contact with me; and pulling me back into the shower, pressing my back against the tiled wall, turning on the hot water, pressing his slick, perfectly sculpted body against mine.

My cheeks flamed. I put the shampoo back in its rightful place and began to dry off, willing those images away. "Yeah." I called back, breathless. There was no way he couldn't hear my racing heart. "I, um, tripped is all." I mumbled, more to myself than to him.

Kaname was way too good to me. I knew that he knew what I was doing with Zero-it was probably really obvious to a pureblood, even though neither of us said anything about it to the other. How could it not be? Of course, I didn't really understand a whole lot about purebloods and their particular abilities, I knew that they were different than _normal_ vampires. And Kaname noticed things other people didn't. Maybe it wasn't because of who he was, as a person. Maybe it was just because he knew me a lot better than most people, to be able to see right through me.

Kaname and Zero hated each other. I could tell it wasn't one sided on Zero's end. I knew that ever since the moment they met and Zero tried to stab him with that dinner knife, Kaname didn't care for him. Kaname hated what I was doing. Not to mention it was an apparent sin to keep a failing vampire alive. Though in my heart I knew I would never be able to just stand by and watch Zero die. I knew that it bothered Kaname, a lot. Though I didn't know why-I couldn't figure out a true reason for him to be so irritated with what I was doing. It was my life, after all. It was my choice. I assumed that it was because he and Zero just didn't get along, or because he just wanted me to be safe.

I put his dress shirt on and looked at myself in the mirror realizing there was no way I could go home like this, in nothing but a shirt. It's not that it was because it was revealing. It was defiantly _long_ enough to cover up everything important. It stopped halfway down my thighs, but it still looked like we had just done something dirty. And as I was sure the Headmaster would understand-he knew the depth of my relationship with Kaname-understood it-all the other students that were sure to see me during my walk home, wouldn't.

I turned this way and that, catching myself in the mirror from different angles. I liked what I saw, how I looked in his clothes. For a moment I let myself imagine I was getting out of his shower for a different reason, If I was washing off sweat instead of mud. How wonderful it would be if we were in a real relationship, if we were together the way I wanted us to be together.

I actually, strangely, felt close to him.

Who cares what anyone thinks?

I pictured the female students, their faces green with jealousy, while they stared in envious rage, knowing I belonged to him and they never would.

I removed his shirt from my body with a heavy sigh and put my damp uniform back on, trying to think up a good excuse to tell him for why I wasn't wearing it. I hung the towel I used on the back of the door to dry before stepping back into the bedroom, shirt folded neatly over my arm. This just wasn't going to work. I didn't want to be here anymore. I felt so rotten inside. I felt like I was taking advantage of him, of his kindness.

Kaname was back in his bed, fast asleep. He was laying on top of the blankets though, like he hadn't meant to fall asleep. _He must be so tired,_ I realized. I had woken him up, after all. Over something he probably found stupid, too. And it was really early for him.

I hung his shirt back up in the wardrobe-carefully so it wouldn't wrinkle, running my fingers down it's soft sleeve once more-leaning in and smelling it's scent-before closing the wardrobe doors. I went over to the bed, then, admiring Kaname's sleeping face once more, realizing I've never seen him asleep before today. I'd probably never see it again. I knew I should leave, let him rest. He had to go to class later, after all. But I wanted to see so much more-to take a good long look at him. He didn't look relaxed, though, like even in sleep he always had his guard up, waiting for...something. I don't know why but it made me sad, looking at him like that. I knew what it was like to not sleep peacefully. He should be dreaming peacefully, not worrying. I wanted to touch him-to smooth away the wrinkles in his brow, push his bangs off of his forehead-but that'd probably wake him up. He had to be a light sleeper since it didn't take much to wake him the first time. This would have felt completely normal to me, had I been a few years younger.


	16. Chapter 16

"I see you've gotten your appetite back." Zero commented as I happily shoved a big spoonful of green dessert into my mouth.

We were sitting across from each other in a secluded booth at my favorite ice cream shope. Classes had all been canceled for the day due to an emergency teacher conference, so we had an abundance of free time. I don't know what the big deal was about teaching that teachers needed to meet so suddenly. But it gave me time off, and that was all that mattered.

I had gotten Zero to agree to go shopping with me today. We were spending the entire day together, something we haven't done in a long while. It actually didn't take a lot of begging on my part, like it usually does. I just smiled at him and asked nicely. He looked away and said yes almost immediately.

I was currently eating a mint chocolate chip sundae, my absolute favorite ice cream flavor in the entire world, and Zero was just drinking coffee, black. Typical for him. As boring a drink as he was. He tried to convince me that he didn't like sweet things when I tried to get him to order some ice cream, even though I was treating today.

"It still surprises me, how much you can eat." he went on to say, trying to embarrass me as I ate up my sundae faster than was probably considered ladylike. I didn't care, though. It tasted really good, and I was feeling really good having it.

I held my spoon up to his mouth, leaning over the table to reach him better, my dress straining against my cleavage. "Wanna bite?" I asked, being super generous, as usual. I wasn't one to share when it came to something as sacred as ice cream.

"Gross." he muttered around his mug, not looking at me.

"Proves what you know!" I leaned back into my seat and put the bite of delicious frozen sweetness into my own mouth before it could drip onto the table, wasting precious dessert. "Who doesn't like ice cream anyway? There must be something really wrong with you...that kinda came out bad." I realized he could probably take that the wrong way, but not until after I had already said it out loud. That's usually how it worked with me, unfortunately. I didn't think before I talked. I didn't ever want to hurt Zero's feelings. Not when I finally had him opening up with me. Not after I was beginning to understand what he's been through. We were finally talking like normal siblings.

He just shrugged it off, though, thankfully, changing the subject completely; seeming not at all offended by what I had said. "Did we get everything that the Headmaster wanted?" he asked. "I'm getting tired of being dragged around town by you like a pack mule."

"You didn't _have_ to come." I clarified. "You _chose_ to." I grabbed the shopping list from my purse anyway and skimmed over it quickly, wondering why he was giving me such a hard time all of a sudden with the sudden mood swing. Maybe I had offended him with my previous comment. I should apologize before it sinks in too deep. "Just about." I said, answering him instead of apologizing.

He was being grumpy. Maybe there was a _particular_ reason as to why. No harm in asking, right? There wasn't any distance between us anymore, at least, there wasn't in my eyes. No point in being shy and beating around the bush. "Now that I think about it Zero-and I want you to know that I'm only saying this because I care about you and your wellbeing-it has been quite awhile since you've had my blood." I mentioned, pointing my dessert spoon at him.

He choked on his coffee, spitting some back out onto the table. Some also got on my face and dress.

"Ew!" I dabbed at my front with a napkin, the brown stain already setting in the white fabric. "What the hell?" I muttered.

Zero looked around the shope nervously, making sure no one had heard what I just said.

"I don't need it." he said simply, focusing back on his coffee.

"What? What's that supposed to mean? You suddenly don't _need_ it all of a sudden?" I rolled my eyes at him. "You sure as hell _needed_ it the other day." I was dead asleep the other night when Zero stumbled into my room and shook me roughly awake before collapsing on top of me, pressing me into the mattress and sinking his fangs deep into the delicate skin at my throat.

Zero set his coffee mug down firmly on the table-making me jump at the sudden loud noise-and stood, gathering up the shopping bags. "Are you done?" he asked, gesturing towards my sundae. He started to walk away, deciding for me.

"Zero?! Wait up!" I called after him, shoving another bite into my mouth and dropping some money on the table for the bill, hurrying after him. "Was it something I said?!" he kept his eyes focused straight ahead, not looking at me, not answering me. Apparently it was something I had said.

I loved days like this. It was so hot out and the sky was so clear, such a lovely, deep shade of blue. The air even smelled good, so clean and fresh. The streets were pretty crowded today, filled with busy noises and people. The roads were lined with street vendors trying to sell their goods; fruits, vegetables, jewelries, clothing, all kinds of things. I even recognized some students from the Academy crowding all around the vendors.

I didn't like upsetting Zero. I knew he was having a hard enough time dealing with his current _situation._ I was just worried about him though. I only wanted him to understand that. I just wanted to help him in anyway that I could. We had already been out shopping for hours. Maybe Zero was getting tired.

There was a loud, heart wrenching shriek then, cutting through everything else, piercing straight through my ears. It reverberated off of the surrounding buildings, the trees, even the people walking down the street. Those who cared enough stopped and looked around, questioning it's whereabouts, who had screamed, and why. What was wrong with them? What was happening to them? This wasn't a bad part of town, what could possibly be wrong with them to have caused such a sound? These people weren't like us, Zero and I. They didn't know about the monsters that creeped around corners, hid in the dark, haunted my very dreams. I barely even knew, not like Zero did.

My heart sank with the sound of that girl's terrified scream.

Zero took off running in the direction the sound had come from, dropping everything he was carrying to the ground without a care. All of our purchases went streaming across the ground as if they were nothing more than trash, open for anyone to just walk by and take whatever they wanted. He didn't even wait for me, to see if I would follow him. I tried to follow after him, to keep up, calling his name. But he didn't seem to hear me. Either that, or he just didn't care. He just ran, hard, leaving me behind. Zero was a lot faster than I was. Maybe he didn't want me to follow him. Soon he was lost from my sight completely and I found myself in an abandoned alley, cut off from the bustling town, cut off from the noise, cut off from the light, from the safely of the bustling streets and crowded market.

The sun was falling low behind the trees by now, casting a dark orange glow on the world below. It would be dark soon. My heart was thundering in my chest, for more reasons than one.

I felt scared.

Darkness.

Bad things always happened in the dark. It was inevitable I heard about them on television, read about them in the newspaper, in books. People lost, stolen, raped, and murdered. I had never been in town alone when it was dark. I had hardly even been in town alone, period. There had only be those very few times, and those times were only ever fueled by anger. And when I was angry I was blind.

I knew what was really out there.

I could feel eyes on me now, watching, waiting for the opportune moment, the perfect moment to strike, the moment when my guard was down. They felt like the same eyes from my dream, my nightmare. Goosebumps rose up on my arms and I shivered hard, feeling the hairs on my neck rise.

I jumped out of the way, purely out of instinct, sensing It before I saw It, before the creature could land on top of me and probably break my neck in the process. I fell on my knees a few feet away from It, my knees scrapping deep against the brick pavement, cutting the flesh there, stinging and burning. I felt the warm blood slowly begin to seep out of my skin. It began to laugh, throwing It's head back, cackling loudly, enjoying my pain. I got a good look at It's face, then, seeing It's blood red eyes. My throat went dry at the sight. My blood felt ice cold in my veins. It was like something out of my very nightmares. Only here, I was already awake.

My mind went completely blank.

All those years of training to prepare me for situations such as these fled from me the moment that our eyes meant. My limbs froze and I couldn't move. I felt like It was seeing into the very depths of my soul, seeing me as such a very small, very weak and defenseless child, a child that would be easily broken.

I couldn't do anything.

It ran at me, claws extended, fangs drawn, and I knew It meant to kill me. But I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I could barely see-

 _-I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me-_

I knew that voice from my dream, the one with the crying woman. Why was I hearing it now? What did she want from me?

A gunshot went off just above my head then, sending a gust of pressurized air through my hair, and snapping me out of my trance. The sound bounced off the narrow brick walls of the ally, bouncing back and fourth between them. It was deafening. I covered my ears as they began to ring painfully, so painfully, convinced the drums would burst out of my head, but I couldn't look away from the creature that fell back just a few feet from me-laughing and twitching all the while-as it began to disintegrate and turn to ash, It's eyes never looking away from mine.

"Are you alright, Yuuki?" Zero asked when it was finally over, putting his gun away.

His voice sounded far away, like I was under water. I couldn't look away from the pile of ashes that lay just before me. The light summer breeze stirred them around the brick walkway, around my knees, soaking into the small pooling of blood there. Even though I knew the threat was gone my whole body was trembling, lingering with the fear that I couldn't shake away. "What was that?" I asked, finally finding my voice, glancing up at Zero.

Zero crouched down to my level, trying to get me to meet his eyes again. "A vampire." he said simply, taking me by the hands and pulling me to my feet. But my legs were too weak to stand. They shook violently when I tried to put weight on them. His hands felt so hot compared to mine.

"I just need a minute." I protested, pushing his hands away, not wanting to be carried. I couldn't face him, not now. I felt ashamed. I should have been able to face that vampire on my own. After all, I had been trained for this exact situation. Watching it crack and turn to ashes-I could still see it in my head, I felt like I could puke.

"We don't have a minute, Yuuki." Zero complained, crouching in front of me so I could get onto his back. "We need to get back to the Academy. It'll be dark soon. We need to tell the Headmaster what happened here."

"What about that girl." I remembered suddenly. "The one that had screamed before. Did you find her?"

"She's dead." it was so easy for him to say to, like it was such an obvious thing that I should have known.

"What?" the girl had been killed. I couldn't get to her in time. I couldn't save her because I was too afraid. If only I didn't freeze up. If only I had brought my weapon with me...she'd probably still be alive.

He turned to look at me. "Why didn't you have your weapon on you, Yuuki?" it was like he read my mind. Maybe it was natural for him, to kill them the way he did, like it was nothing at all. Zero was a Vampire Hunter after all. He was always carrying his gun around with him. He probably slept with the damn thing.

What was I supposed to say. "I...I forgot it." I admitted.

I knew Zero was scolding me. I could see his mouth moving, see the irritated look on his face. But I couldn't hear him. I felt as though I were under water again, my ears felt clogged, plugged. I was so dizzy, my head was spinning. The world was thrashing faster and faster, moving in waves, twisting and misshaping Zero's face.


	17. Chapter 17

I remembered the café, eating ice cream with Zero, the scent of his cologne and coffee, laughter, and feeling really happy. I remembered the heat from the day, classes being canceled, the glaringly hot sun, the bustling crowd, the venders crowding the streets, the shouting, then the screaming. I remembered running after Zero, calling out his name, for him to wait for me, I remembered red eyes, snarling, fangs, being dizzy, so dizzy, throwing up.

Everything else is completely dark.

When I opened my eyes I was in my bedroom, lying in my bed, surrounded by my familiar scents, wrapped up in softness and comfort, safe and secure.

"You're awake."

I turned my head at the sound of Yori's soft, familiar voice, wondering what she was doing here. It had been awhile since she came over to my house. She sounded so worried. She was seated in the white, cushioned armchair next to my bed, gazing down at me, her forehead creased with concern.

"Yori? Why are you here?" I asked, groggy from sleep. I sat up and leaned back against the cushioned headboard, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "What time is it?"

"It's after eight." she said. "In the evening. The Headmaster called me awhile ago and said that you weren't very feeling well. He said you passed out while shopping in town with Zero. He sounded really worried over the phone, Yuuki. I came to check on you, per his request."

That was strange. Usually the Headmaster would never leave my side if he was concerned for my wellbeing. "He isn't here?"

She shook her head and moved to sit with me on the bed. "He and Zero went somewhere...they didn't say where they were going, even when I asked them. Just that I should come and keep an eye on you until they get back. It won't be until late though. I also brought this-" she handed me a small notebook from her purse. "Though you probably don't want it right now."

I flipped through it curiously. "What is it?"

"You've been missing classes lately, not paying very much attention even when you are there. I've been taking extra notes for you, so you don't fall behind."

I set it aside on the mattress, feeling truly touched by the small gesture. Yori was always the thoughtful friend, always trying to look out for me.

"Yuuki, we've known each other for years now. And I'm not going to pretend like I understand what's going on with you, or that I don't notice when something is wrong. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to-I'd never force you, or make you feel guilty for keeping things from me-but I just want you to know that I'll always be here for you, if you ever need to talk. About anything. After all, we're best friends." she grabbed my hand, staring down at our entwined fingers. "When I first came to the Academy, you opened up to me right away, made me feel so welcome when I felt like just the opposite. I want you to know how much that meant to me, how much I cherish your friendship. I don't ever want to lose it."

"You won't!" I whispered, choking on emotion. "You won't ever lose me." I cleared my throat. I wish I could tell her everything. Instead I just smiled and said; "I feel the same way, Yori. I mean, if you ever have anything that you ever want to talk about..." I knew I was hurting her feelings by keeping things to myself. Yori had a way of seeing right through me. I felt absolutely rotten then.

She sighed. "I'll go make you some tea."

I watched her walk away.

 _It was my first_ _year of high school. I remember that very first day so perfectly, the day I became a high school student. I was so very excited. I was finally going to be in the same building as Kaname, share the same classrooms, walk the same halls. But more than that, I had the chance to meet new people. The sky was a crystal clear blue, the sun was bright and warm, blazing down on the earth below. I was fourteen_ _years old. I remember how thrilled I was to try my uniform on for the very first time, even though now I don't even like it that much anymore._ _I remember feeling nothing but absolute excitement as I ran up the stairs of the Sun Dormitory to my designated dorm room, wrapped in the cotton of my brand new uniform. When I arrived the door was already wide open. Though slightly nervous, I enthusiastically popped into the room, extremely excited to meet my roommate. At that time I didn't know that dorm life was so terrible. I also didn't have any friends, other than Zero._ _Her luggage was spread out on her side of the room and she was sitting on her bed, twisting her hands in her lap and staring down at her feet. My first impression of Saiyori Wakaba was that she was a very sad, lonely, and shy girl. Reserved, in a way that she wasn't going to speak unless she absolutely needed to. I also saw a very quick glimpse of her father, as he pushed past me and left the room, not saying a word to me. His presence there that day seemed to have upset her. Back then friendship to me was known as physical affection-the love that I had always received from my father and from Kaname, hugs and gentle kisses, kind words and sweet smiles. I introduced myself to the forlorn Yori, told her I was so glad to be roommates, looking forward to spending all of our time together, and knew that we were going to be best friends forever, before I hugged her to me tightly-_

"Yori, wait." I called, stopping her before she could leave the room. "Please don't go." I wasn't going to lie to her anymore. I didn't want to create a rift between us. She trusted me with everything. I could trust her.

She sat back down next to me on the bed, looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak.

"There really is something wrong with me." I told her, though it was already obvious. "I haven't been completely honest with you and I'm sorry." I sighed, not really knowing exactly how to tell her these things. "I'm just really tired, Yori. I've been having nightmares lately. Always the same one."

"Tell me about it."

"Well," I began, shakily. "in the dream I'm a lot younger, eight, I think. I'm wondering around in a snowy clearing. The snow is really thick and it's dark, I can barely see anything. It's cold, even in the dream, you know what I mean? Like I feel like I'm freezing. I know that I've been abandoned, and it makes me feel really sad. After a few minutes of wondering around I hear something behind me and I start running, like I somehow know that I'm in danger and I need to get away. But then I trip and fall down and... _It_ gets me." I shivered, recalling the nightmarish figure. "I turn and look and there's this big, ominous figure looming over me. It's so frightening!" I started crying, my body shaking from trying to hold back my tears in front of my best friend. I have never told this to anyone before. I couldn't look at Yori during my confession. "It looks so monstrous and terrible. It has these gleaming red eyes and long, pointed claws, and razor sharp fangs. I know It's going to kill me too, It tells me so. It _wants_ to kill me. It's voice is so terrible. And I'm so terrified that I can't even breathe, can't even move. I'm too small to fight back. And no one comes to save me." I grabbed my shoulders to hug myself and cried, too overwhelmed to continue.

Then I felt Yori's arms wrap around me, pulling me in for a tight hug. "It's okay, Yuuki." She whispered softly into my hair. "The dream isn't real. It can't hurt you. Nothing's going to hurt you." She said soothingly.

It was real though. It had happened before, though the details in the dream were slightly different than what had really happened that night. "But it feels so real." I cried into her shoulder, my voice muffled by her shirt. "And lately, whenever I doze off, I come too and there's blood everywhere."

"What? What do you mean there's blood?" she sounded confused and kind of scared. She pulled away so she could see my eyes, holding me by my shoulders.

"I see blood. Like a vision or something."

Yori squeezed my shoulders. "You haven't told the Headmaster about this?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I can't. I'm too scared about what he'll say. What if he thinks I'm going crazy or something?" I didn't know if the Headmaster knew about what had happened when Kaname had found me that night-if Kaname had told him or not, but no one knew about the dreams, except Yori. If I told him about the blood, I'd have to tell him about the dream. "Yori, please promise me you won't tell anybody." the idea made me feel frantic.

She was quiet for a moment. "I won't tell anyone. But Yuuki, I really think you should consider telling your father."

I wiped my tears on the back of my hands. "I'll think about it." I lied, knowing there was no way I would.

She nodded. "Do you want me to spend the night?" she asked. "I don't mind at all."

"Yeah." I smiled. "It's been awhile since we've had a sleep over."


	18. Chapter 18

**I have no idea where this chapter was hiding *_***

* * *

"So wait a second, you're telling me, that you, Cross Yuuki, actually _kissed_ Kuran-senpai? _Kissed_ him?" Yori asked in quiet disbelief, her eyes wide with wonder. "Like on the mouth?"

I rolled my eyes. "Obviously, on the mouth. Where else? Why do you sound so surprised? Isn't that what you've been pushing me to do for years?" I laughed. Even though my getting rejected was a really sensitive subject, I had decided that I didn't want to keep things from my best friend anymore. And the look of awe on Yori's face was priceless.

The sun had already set behind the trees a long time ago. I had somehow managed to convince Yori that sneaking out of the house would be fun. She had protested at first, never being one for rule breaking-not wanting to get into any trouble, but I assured her that everything would be okay as long as we were together. After all, the Headmaster _was_ my father. Plus he wasn't home at the moment to tell us no anyway. And since we didn't have class in the morning, and since it had been quite awhile since we've spent any time together outside of the Academy, she agreed. And I was intent on staying out as late as possible.

We'd done everything from shopping the local stores to eating dinner out at our favorite café. Now we were just wondering the streets enjoying ice-cream cones. We both shared the same obsession for ice-cream.

"Well come on, tell me about it, Yuuki! I mean, this is _huge_ , like revolutionary _._ I want some details, every detail!" Yori exclaimed from around her cone. "What was it like, kissing Kuran-senpai?"

I adjusted the abundance of shopping bags on my arms to a more comfortable position, wondering for a moment why I bought so much to begin with-they were rather heavy and annoying to have to carry around. I always went a little overboard whenever I shopped. "Honestly, I thought that moment would be burned into my brain forever-our first kiss." I mused.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

I sighed loudly. "I initiated it. And I was rejected."

Yori was quiet for a moment, the sound of our high heels echoing off the ally. "I wasn't there with you, so explain." she insisted.

"Ugh! I snuck into the Moon Dorm because I was bored during my patrols and wanted some excitement for once and ended up in his room, then he was there and we were talking and I just decided to kiss him! It just happened! I really don't know what made me do it! He just looked so good and was standing so close-" the beginning came out in such a rush. I was urgent to tell her quickly, my rejection being an embarrassing subject to confess out loud. Then when I pictured that moment-pressing my lips so boldly to Kaname's-I looked down at my feet, blushing, not wanting to see her reaction. She waited patiently for me to continue. "But at first...he didn't push me away. So I assumed that everything was just fine and like he...I don't know...liked it as much as I did. But when I...when I put my arms around him he pushed me away."

Yori seemed to be deep in thought, making me nervous with her silence. It was a few minutes before she finally spoke up. "Well, Yuuki, maybe he wasn't actually rejecting you. Maybe you misunderstood him."

"Of course he was! What else could that mean? Pushing me away like that." I rolled my eyes dramatically, so embarrassed to be saying all of this out loud, even if it was to Yori. I knew she wasn't going to tell anyone.

"What did he say afterwards?"

"Nothing..." I looked away from her again, focusing on my ice-cream like it was so interesting. "I kinda...maybe...ran away."

She laughed loudly, covering her mouth with the back of her hand, the sound sudden and loud, making me jump.

"I don't see how any of this is very funny, Yori. I'm heartbroken over here!" I whined. "You shouldn't be making fun of me."

"Sorry sorry." she fought to compose herself. "But Yuuki, maybe he just didn't want things to go very far."

I blinked at her, dumbfounded. "That's stupid, like that sounds really dumb." not that I'm a strong believer of the 'guys only want one thing' stereotype, but it was just a kiss.

"I think he really cherishes you, is all."

I blushed deeper. "He's just a nice person." I argued. "He just doesn't want to see me hurt when he doesn't feel the same way..." There was just no way Kaname wanted to protect my innocence. That was too much.

We turned a corner and came to a street that was lined with luxurious looking cars, which didn't fit any of the surrounding buildings, all of which looked run down and mostly abandoned. I normally wouldn't go anywhere near this part of town-which was known to be slightly on the shadier side-but Yori and I weren't paying attention to where we were walking, completely absorbed in our current conversation.

The cars looked strangely out of place here, making me extremely curious as to what was going on. Yori didn't seem to notice it like I did. Or if she did, she wasn't saying anything about it, still completely engrossed in our conversation.

"I can tell by watching the two of you, whenever you're together he looks at you in a very particular manner. Like he wants to-"

"Hey Yori, isn't that Hanabusa Aidou? From school?" I cut her off when I spotted Hanabusa's electric blonde hair, pointing in the direction I spotted him in. His hair stood out in the dark of the night, glowing brightly from the faint light of the street lamps, sucking it all in. He was climbing out of a black limousine, helping out a younger girl after him with the same shade of hair, before heading into a building that I was confident he wouldn't be caught dead in. It looked abandoned, deserted, like it would come crumbling to the ground at any moment, from the slightest turn of the wind. Not Hanabusa's style at all.

"From the Night Class? Yeah, it kind of looks like him." Yori agreed, squinting to see farther, shielding her eyes with her hand as if it were sunny out, as if doing that would help her see farther. "I wonder what he's up to. He looks a bit overdressed to be going into a place like that...What do you think is in there? Yuuki?"

"Wanna find out?" I started in Aidou's direction without waiting for Yori's answer, tossing my ice-cream cone on the ground and tugging my black dress down when it started to ride up high on my thighs. The cone shattered against the pavement, splattering ice-cream across the sidewalk.

"Yuuki, wait!" Yori called out after me. I heard her cone hit the ground as well-which I found a little weird-since she was so against littering, even if ice cream was biodegradable. Her heels clicked loudly against the pavement as she lightly ran to catch up to me. "We don't know what's in there. We can't just go inside. We don't have permission! that could be someone's house-"

I laughed loudly. There was no way this was a house. "Of course we can. It's perfectly fine as long as we don't get caught. Loosen up a bit, Yori-chan. It will be fun. It's just Hana-chan, after all. He can't do anything even if he does catch us. What could possibly happen?"

"Still..." she argued weakly, chewing her lower lip. She didn't know Aidou like I did.

"It's fine! I promise!"

We wandered around the building until we found a private, narrow door at the back, hiding our shopping bags in the bushes before quietly heading inside. Yori asked if they would be safe there, since the part of town we were in seemed pretty shady and run down. I just shrugged at her, more interested in what Hanabusa was up to than to be bothered with our many purchases. If anyone really wanted to steal a bunch of teenage girls underwear and shoes, that was their issue.

Inside was a long stone corridor, almost like a basement or a dungeon. The air was damp and a little chilly. It also had a faint moldy smell to it. Yori shivered at my side, grabbing her shoulders.

"Yuuki, I'm not so sure about this..." she whispered anxiously.

I fished my cell phone out of my purse, turning the flashlight on so we could see our way better. A rat scampered across our path a few feet in front of us, making us both jump and gasp.

"We should go."

"Come on." I insisted, pressing us forward. We proceeded slowly, cautiously, weary of rats now. The only sounds were our heels clicking against the stone and the faint dripping of water.

I pushed the first door open we came across, on the left. Inside was nothing but cleaning equipment; a boom, a mop and bucket...

"Do you hear that?" Yori asked, grabbing my arm suddenly.

I strained my hearing, pulling the supply door shut, trying to hear what she was referring to. "Music." we could hear really faint ballroom music. "There must be a party around here somewhere." I commented.

"A weird place to host a party." Yori mumbled. "Why don't we go, Yuuki? It'd be rude to walk in on someone else's party."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Relax, Yori. Everything is fine. We're just having a look around, nothing more."

I pushed open another door farther down the corridor where the music seem to be coming from stronger. "Stairs." I grabbed Yori's hand and dragged her up the small, winding staircase behind me.

The higher we climbed, the louder the music got. There was a curtain at the very top of the stairs, separating the basement from the upstairs-where the music was coming from the strongest. Light cut sharply through the darkness from the separation in the middle. I put my phone away in my purse and looked back at Yori before stepping through.

This room was the complete opposite of the outside of the building, where it looked like it would crumble to pieces. Here, everything was alight and alive. The ceiling hung with crystal and pearl chandeliers, the walls were lined with rich silk draperies, the railing to the balcony that I was standing on was smooth marble. Tall, thick marble pillars lined the wall. From the tops of them were carvings of the most beautiful and detailed angels that could bring tears to your eyes. From the bottom were carvings of naked men and women entwined in the most erotic and tasteful ways. The high ceiling was painted in scenes that I imagined one would only see in the Vatican; the deepest, purest colors mixed and swirled, blending together in their own dance to create the most breathtaking images. The main staircase was huge, lined with a sky blue rug, outlined in gold. From either side of the railing sat a beautifully crafted candelabra, dangling shining crystals. And all of the men and women down below that were spinning and twirling together were dressed in rich suits and gowns that I've only ever dreamed about and were all people of the highest prestige and nobility.

And all of them were vampires.

My head snapped back in Yori's direction-the beauty of the room completely forgotton-terrified for her safety. I tried to keep calm, knowing they might hear it if my heart were to speed up, sensing that there were humans among them, nobility and civilized or not; I didn't know what might happen if we were found out. The music was pretty loud though, that at least, was in my favor.

I needed to get her out of here. "We should go-" I started to say before Yori cut me off.

"Yuuki, look." I followed the direction her finger was pointing in. "I think I see Kuran-senpai, over there."

Sure enough, Kaname had just descended down the main staircase and was addressing the large, bustling crowd that had gathered around him. People were flocking to him, fathers begging him to take their daughter in his favor, women complimenting him on this and that.

Yori chuckled, glancing in my direction and then back at the crowd. "My, would you look at that, he sure is popular."

My cheeks heated up and I felt a familiar pang of jealousy stab straight through my heart.

There was a girl speaking close to Kaname's ear now. I couldn't take my eyes off of the two of them, speaking in such an intimate way. Everyone else in the room seemed to be watching them too. They looked like lovers, so perfect and beautiful. I crouched down low to the floor, settling on my knees, dragging Yori down with me, trying to stay as much out of sight as I could, wanting to spy on them, wanting to know what she was to him. Just who was this girl?

She was very beautiful, like a doll, tall and willowy. She had flowing white blonde hair that fell in gentle, loose ringlets to her knees, it was so thick and lovely, the kind of hair that made other girls cry with envy. She was thin and so delicate looking, with so much pose and grace, with a body that I could only every dream of possessing. I self-consciously cupped one of my breasts in my hand while I glared at hers-wondering how someone so thin could have such a large chest and perfect curves. Her dress looked painted on. It was backless, strapless, and had a very high slit in the thigh. It was a lovely shade of silver though, even if the cut caused her to stand out among the crowd. She had such an air of confidence, that was probably what she was going for when she chose it. She belonged so perfectly in Kaname's world, unlike me. We were complete opposites. She put her hand on his chest then, leaning in even closer to his ear, smiling. My heart sank to my shoes.

They belonged together.

"I wonder who she is." Yori wondered out loud, gesturing towards the doll-like girl with a nod. Her tone was almost bitter, like she was voicing my jealousy.

"Excuse me, Miss Human?"

I turned my head at the soft, innocent voice.

A boy was standing a couple of feet away from me, staring, his head tilted slightly with curiosity. He was only a few feet tall and was probably only about five years old. He had deep, dark red hair, almost like the color of dark blood.

"Did you just say _human_?" Yori asked, but I could barley hear her. My blood was frozen in my veins and my ears were ringing loudly.

Yori moved towards him but I grabbed her arm in warning, knowing that this little boy was a vampire.

He closed the distance between us, a sweet smile gracing his lips.

This child had two different colored eyes.

He leaned down, very close to my face, his smile widening slightly. Those eyes had me trapped.

One ice blue and one blood red.

I knew those eyes.

He pressed his small lips against my forehead. They were ice cold.

- _to be able to have been with you but-_


	19. Chapter 19

_I couldn't shake the deep, endlessly unbearable, empty feeling I felt deep within me. Swimming throughout my heart, my mind; relentlessly reminding me that all I knew, all I had ever know was wrong, a lie. I was living in a false reality. Something, everything had been stolen from me, taken away, ripped from my hands, shattering my heart, leaving this empty blackness behind in it's place. And now I knew nothing but this bleak, unnerving uncertainty. And it left me feeling so physically drained, so tired, so very weak. I just want to know where I belong._

The first thing I noticed when I regained consciousness was that I had a pounding headache, directly behind my eyes, a throbbing ache that left me moaning in pain, praying for sleep to take me once again. I was also exhausted. I felt completely drained, all of my energy was gone, like I hadn't slept in days. When I opened my eyes my vision was blurry. I moaned again, rubbing at my eyes, before trying to sit up. I regretted that instantly, the room spinning, causing me to fall back against soft cushions.

"It's better if you just rest some more."

I turned my head at the familiar sound of his voice, my cheeks heating up at having been caught not only in such a state, but in this place, not that I knew exactly where I was at the current moment. I remembered following Hanabusa into the building, finding the room filled with vampires. Then there was that little boy with the two mismatched eyes. "Kaname?" I said his name slowly, confused that he was there with me.

He was sitting in a chair beside me, his head resting lazily in his hand, elbow propped up on the armrest, gazing down at me, dark hair falling into his burgundy eyes.

I sat up slowly, even though he told me to stay down, dazed and confused. "Where am-"

"What are you doing here, Yuuki?" he asked, interrupting me, and I could have sworn he sounded irritated.

"Huh?" I rubbed at my temples, silently pleading my headache to leave me be. "What are you talking about? Is it so strange for me to be in my own-" I gasped, the memories slamming into me like a truck; my walk with Yori, us spotting Hanabusa in the street, sneaking after him coincidently into a party hosted by vampires, and then that child- "Where's Yori?!" I suddenly remembered my best friend, looking around the room that was not my own, seeing that she was nowhere in sight. My heart sped up in a panic, immediately imagining the worst possible scenario.

"She is safe, Yuuki." Kaname reassured me, picking up on my panicked heart rate.

I turned my eyes back to his face. He actually seemed irritated with me, avoiding my question. "Where?" I asked again, needing to know.

He sighed, dropping his hand he leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other. "She is with Takuma, Yuuki. I assure you."

"Why?"

He stood and move to sit on the settee I was lying down on. Kaname leaned over me, gently brushing my bangs off of my forehead, running his fingers through my hair. "Yuuki, what are you doing here?"

I felt trapped and I loved it. His eyes pulled me in, demanding I give him an answer, the truth.

And I wanted to.

I wanted to grab him by his poorly tied tie and drag his face down to mine, molding out lips together, rolling so I straddled his hips. A searing blush flamed my cheeks as I imagined myself ripping his shirt open, buttons flying in every direction, the sounds of them hitting the floor echoing loudly in the otherwise quiet room. And he wouldn't reject me. Not this time. This time he was just as enthusiastic as I was. And he wanted me-

"Yuuki."

Kaname's insistent tone snapped me back into reality-out of my dirty thoughts. I turned my face from his, convinced he could read my thoughts. But he hooked a finger underneath my chin, turning my face back to his. I met his dark eyes, losing myself immediately, ready to confess everything.

"I wasn't doing anything, not really. We were just following Hana-chan...Aidou, I mean..."

"Aidou?"

"Yori and I were out and we saw Aidou and I thought we'd follow him." the truth came spilling from my lips. It didn't make sense and it all must have sounded so ridiculous to him.

Kaname sighed and began softly stroking my cheek with his thumb. "My dear Yuuki, you always have a way of finding trouble." he gently pressed his lips to my forehead.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled breathlessly as his lips began to slowly brush down my cheek. His hand snaked around the back of my neck, fingers tangling in the hair at my nape, tilting my head back, exposing my neck to him. His mouth stopped there.

"You're heart is racing, Yuuki."

"Is it?" I chocked out, my throat suddenly very dry. It was so hard to get my breath out and I felt as if my heart was going to explode. But it wasn't a bad feeling. Even though I knew that he was a vampire, Kaname only ever made me feel safe. There weren't any nightmares, no visions of blood, no weird strange dreams that had me feeling like I was loosing my mind. There was just us.

I felt his lips press against the part of my throat where my heart pulsed the strongest. "Kaname?"

"Hmm?" he murmured against my flesh.

"Can I ask you something?"

He say up so he could look into my eyes, brushing my cheek with his knuckles. "You may ask me anything, my dear girl."

I would ask him now, just so I could finally stop torturing myself. "With me, I've been wondering for awhile..." his eyes were burning into mine, making me nervous and embarrassed to keep going. "How do you fe-"

There was a sharp knock at the door before it flew open, revealing a very smiley Takuma and an uncomfortable looking Yori.

I scooted away from Kaname-completely embarrassed-before sitting up completely.

"Ah Yuuki-chan! You're awake!" Takuma exclaimed. "I was worried. Ah! And Yori-chan was worried too!" he laughed before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "Anyway, Kaname, the car's here! I came immediately! Just like you said." he laughed happily.

I stood, keeping my head down, and went to my best friends side, following Takuma to the car that would take Yori and myself back home.

* * *

 _I couldn't breath. That shocking realization had me gasping for air the that wouldn't come. There was so much weight pressing down on my chest. For a moment, I was so convinced all of my ribs would snap-crumble and shatter into dust. I was suffocating. I reached up, wanting to claw at it-at whatever was keeping the air from my lungs-but my arms were heavy too, I couldn't lift them from my sides. And my legs, I couldn't move them either. I couldn't move any part of my body, couldn't even turn my head. I tried to scream, to call out for help, but no sound would come from my throat. I was surround by pitch darkness. I was so convinced my eyes were stuck shut. But suddenly a pale figure loomed over me. All I saw was his curling dark hair, chiseled chest and biceps, and sinister smile. I thought he was here to help me when I noticed a familiar burgundy eye before he grabbed my thighs with breaking force and impaled himself deep within me, without warning. Fire coursed through my body. A pain like no other took hold of me. I tried to scream a second time but was met with nothing but silence. I couldn't struggle, couldn't fight against him. I could only lie there and let him have his way with me. Power radiated off of him. I knew he was so strong and very dangerous. The only thought I had as he pounded into me was that I was breaking, he was breaking me, and I was going to die. My eyes were transfixed on that smile. He enjoyed what he was doing to me, that he was causing me terrible pain. And as he leaned down towards my ear his hair parted away from his eyes, revealing one icy blue eye that glared down into my soul. His cold lips touch my ear "You're mine."_

 _..._

I was sitting cross-legged on Zero's bed, my thigh pressed up against his side, thinking over that horrible nightmare I had from the night before. I didn't remember it much. Only that it was so terrible.

I watched Zero sleep, leaning over him, lightly tracing the tattoo on his neck with my index finger. His chest rose and fell in a calm, steady rhythm. Gentle sunlight streamed through the open window, a light breeze lightly billowing the curtains. His forehead was creased with worry. I knew he must have been having an unpleasant dream. I smoothed his bangs from his forehead softly. I wondered if I should wake him up, save him from his torment. He shouldn't suffer. I recalled reading somewhere that waking up a person from a nightmare was bad-or maybe that was sleepwalking. I should have paid better attention.

His body convulsed then, his eyes snapping open wide, body lurching upright. His suddenness caused me to jump too, startled.

"Zero?"

He grabbed my arm, yanking me towards him, catching my face between his hands.

Zero's lips were urgent-when they crashed into mine-like he was searching for life, for my breath, to keep him from sinking. Like I was the only thing in the world to tie him down to solid ground. His grip on the back of my neck was tight-almost crushing, his fingers digging into my skin, keeping us connected. His breath was ragged as he parted his lips-warmth fanning over my face, leaning in closer, trying to get a better hold on me, pulling my body against him. He was shaking as if he were cold, even through his skin felt hot against my hands. I didn't know if he was afraid or what could have possibly possessed him to kiss me.

Why was he kissing me? I couldn't ask him from this position, his lips holding mine prisoner.

I pressed against he chest, gently, so he'd realize we weren't on the same wavelength. So he would know that this wasn't something that I wanted.

He only pulled me closer.

I stared at Zero's face. His eyes were pinched shut, like he didn't want to see my face, he didn't want to see what it was he was forcing upon me. I, too, knew the horrible pain of rejection.

I thought about that dream I had had the night before. About that man that seemed so familiar, and yet was a complete stranger. How he had tied me down and raped me. How he had wanted that, how it didn't matter what I wanted, what I thought about it. He was going to take, and keep on taking until he was satisfied. And yet somehow it seemed like it was never going to end, like it would never be enough. He was never going to be sated. Even though it was such a horrible, disgusting nightmare, I felt the same dissatisfaction in Zero's urgency. The same desperation. The same need. The same desire to be seen, to be loved.

I knew that feeling, that emptiness, that despair. I knew it very well. I felt it whenever I tried to remember my past, whenever I thought about my parents, whenever I looked at Kaname.

Poor Zero, he's been through a lot too; losing his entire family, being turned into a vampire.

I wondered what nightmares plagued his mind whenever he closed his eyes.

I pushed harder, wanting nothing more to do with this nonsense, with this heart wrenching thoughts.

"What are you doing, Zero?" I asked when his lips finally left mine.

He only stared at me for a moment, like he was surprised to see me there, in his room, in his bed, in his arms. He reached for me then, like he wanted to touch me cheek, but his hand stopped between us-hovering in the air-before he let it drop. He sighed heavily before turning away from me. "I must have still been asleep." he mumbled under his breath. "Sorry."

I watched his back as he left the room, his voice echoing through my head, he hurried, half-assed explanation, that sad, lonely apology.

So much has happened in such a short amount of time.

As I got dressed for patrols I couldn't help but think back on that kiss, Zero pressing his mouth against mine. I also couldn't help but realize that I felt absolutely nothing, except maybe a little sad, for him. I knew that Zero was in pain. And I knew that there wasn't really a whole lot that I could do to help him.

Though I was really lonely, life was a bit simpler before Zero came to live with us. Back when it was just the Headmaster and myself the only thing I ever had to worry about was when I'd see Kaname again. I'd sit by the window willing him to appear. He usually didn't.

I sat down on the balcony outside the window of the classroom the Night Class was currently occupying, just looking up watching the students at their lessons. To be honest, I was actually staring at Kaname. This was my favorite place to be during patrols because I could see him the best, unless I was in the actually classroom of course, which I usually avoided. I was extremely unconformable under the other vampires scrutiny.

I sighed softly to myself, remembering the part of my childhood I spent with the Headmaster. When I was a little girl, back before Zero came to live with us, Kaname used to read to me at night, whenever he came to visit-which was a rare occasion, until I fell asleep. Always. My eyes were swimming with tears at the sweet memories, clouding my vision with murky water. "He always made special time for just me." I whispered to myself.

A light breeze picked up, softly billowing my hair around me. I shivered slightly, an uneasy feeling creeping up my spine. I looked around, convinced I was being watched. But the campus was deserted. I focused my attention back on the classroom.

Back then I never had nightmares, never had a single care in the world.

"Yuuki."

I just when I felt ice cold fingers on the back of my neck, my name whispered in my ear. I whirled-ready to confront the intruder-but there was no one behind me. I touched my neck. I knew I felt someone there. When I turned back around Shiki Senri was standing on the balcony before me, closer than what could be considered a comfortable distance.

I gasped, startled. "Shiki-senpai! You startled me."

He just stared down at me, an uncharacteristic smile smeared across his face. I already found Shiki creepy. I didn't need him smiling creepily at me.

"What is it?" I asked. I glanced back up at the window. "Why aren't you in class?" classes weren't close to being over yet.

"You look just like her." Shiki mused. He stepped forward and cupped my face in his hands. His fingers were cold and his grip was painful. "You're so beautiful."

"Shiki." I tried to move my head back-out of his grip-but he was unrelenting, tugging me closer. "You're hurting me." I muttered through my teeth. I was afraid.

He smiled wider-chuckling-his fangs gleaming ominously behind his lips. My eyes were transfixed on them, unable to look away.

Shiki leaned forward, skimming his nose across my cheek, burring his face in my hair. "I won't let him have you."

I was starting to get angry. Shiki was freaking me out and talking nonsense. "Shiki, you'd better get away from me or-"

He moved away from me so fast that if it wasn't for him actually holding onto my head I would have fallen backwards. He stared down at me, his face solemn. "You don't remember." he stated it as a fact. "It's not you fault that you don't remember. It's _his_." he sneered. I jumped at the sudden rage in his voice. "Ah don't worry." he began stroking the top of my hair as if he were consoling a frightened child. "It's going to be okay. I'm going to help you remember."

I took a hold of my head as a searing pain exploded from within it, spreading throughout my entire skull. I screamed, unable to do anything else, convinced that this was it, I was about to die.


	20. Chapter 20

_-Yuuki, sit still so I can brush your hair-_

 _-Yuuki, come over here and pick up your toys. You know how clumsy your father can-_

 _-Yuuki, your brother is-_

 _-Yuuki-_

 _-Yuuki-_

 _Yuuki, I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you. I used to dream of you, even before you were growing so soundly inside of me. I never wanted this for you, this life of secrecy-always keeping you hidden away. I wanted you to be able to spread you wings and dance under the bright blue sky, the light of the sun. I'm so sorry for taking that away from you, for always hiding you in this room. I hope that one day you'll understand why I did what I did...and that...you'll be able to forgive me. If you could remember...you'd really hate mother-_

 _..._

I wanted this pain to end.

I didn't want to open my eyes because of the throbbing ache that was settled deep within my skull. It felt as if someone had a hold of both sides of my head and was squeezing with everything they had, all their strength. I was so completely convinced my brain was going to boil and melt into an oozing mass and explode out of my eyes. My body felt so weak and heavy, like I just ran a thousand thousand miles uphill through sand in the scorching heat.

I wanted this pain to end.

I felt someone dabbing gently at my temples with a cool, wet cloth then. It felt really good against my flushed skin. I sighed, turning towards their soothing touches, enjoying the gentleness.

I knew I was in my own bed now, in my room. I could smell my familiar scents; perfumes and lotions, the candle I burned whenever I read poetry, recognize the feel of my bedding surrounding me.

I cracked an eyelid-even though I'd rather roll over back into sleep-curious to see who was touching me.

It was Zero.

Honestly, I was a little disappointed to see him. Though I didn't really want to have to explain myself this time, I was really hoping to see Kaname leaning over me, caring for me so tenderly.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened, Yuuki?" Zero asked when he noticed me looking at him. "I heard you screaming. When I found you, you were on the ground, just lying there, staring at the sky like you had seen something...terrible. You weren't moving. For a second I thought that maybe you might have been..." he trailed off, not wanting to finish his thought.

I sighed, trying to remember what had happened then, what Shiki had done to me on that balcony, why no one had come before he put his hands on me, so close to the classroom-to put a stop to it. Why none of the Night Class had even noticed he was missing from lessons. But I didn't really know the answer to any of those questions, not now, not when my head was throbbing so instantly. "My head hurts." I cried, unable to hold back my tears any longer.

Zero dropped the cloth he was using to wipe my face back into the basin of cool water on my bedside table, surprised by my tears. "Yuuki, what's wrong?" he asked slowly, concern lacing his voice..

"My head just hurts." I complained, rubbing at my temples, not really sure what else to tell him.

Zero got in the bed next to me, moving to my side. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me against him. "Tell me what's wrong, Yuuki. What's _really_ wrong with you. I know it's more then just a headache. I know you better then you think."

I sniffled wondering for a split second if Yori had told him about my nightmares. Then I felt guilty for thinking so little of her. She made me a promise. She wouldn't so easily break it. "Well..." I started slowly, worried about what he would think of me. Zero wouldn't judge me though, right? He knew what it was like to drown. I was ready to unburden myself.

"Well...for awhile now I've been having nightmares..."

"I know about your nightmares, Yuuki. You've had them since you were small."

"Right but...I've never told you what they're about...It's about the night I was attacked by that rouge vampire, the night when Kaname found me..."

Zero just stared up at the ceiling, patiently waiting for me to continue.

"Only here in the dream Kaname doesn't get to me in time and that vampire kills me, so violently." I couldn't keep my body from shaking, the images so vivid and violent-being ripped to shreds by a monsters in the freezing cold snow. "And then recently, the dreams have been changing. I hear a women's voice-and she just sounds so sad. Like so heartbreakingly sad. I feel like I know her too. And in the dreams I know she's speaking to me, but I either can't hear her or I can't remember what she's telling me. And when I wake up, if I try to remember what she said to me-or if I try to remember that dream at all-I see blood everywhere. It's all over me, the walls, the floor..." I started crying harder, unable to control myself now. "And it's so terrifying. I don't understand! Why can't I remember anything?" I cried.

Zero was silent the whole time, just listening to me pour my heart out quietly. He just held me close and stroked my hair.

"I want to feel normal."

"Tell me why you were just lying there." Zero pressed. He sat up and stared down at me.

I swallowed hard. His eyes demanded I tell him the truth. "Shiki did...something strange to me."

Zero just nodded and stood, fixing the covers around me, tucking me in. "Get some sleep, Yuuki. Everything is going to be okay. I won't let any one else hurt you." he whispered that last part before turning and walking out of the room.

It felt like an empty promise. Though I knew Zero would probably do everything he could to keep Shiki away from me-to keep everything he thought was a possible threat away from me-the world was a big place. He could protect me from everything. And he couldn't protect me from myself. From my dreams. From my nightmares. From the ghosts of my unknown past.

...

When I opened my eyes later that night it was completely dark. I had no idea how late it was, what time it was. I couldn't see anything. But I could feel. And I could feel him, feel his weight on the bed beside me, the mattress creaked beneath him when he moved. Feel his gentle fingers softly stroking my cheeks, running through my hair. Feel him leaning down, pressing light kisses to my face, my forehead, cheeks, along my jaw, the thin skin right behind my ear. I could hear him lightly whisper my name in my ear, and to me, it sounded like a declaration of love, like everything I felt for him he poured out to me with just the simple whispering of my name in my ear.

And I wanted to hear more of it.

I wanted him to say my name forever.

My heart was bursting in my chest and I knew he could hear it.

When he noticed he had awoken me, he chuckled lightly-smiling against my skin. He slipped his arms beneath me-one around my waist, the other behind my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair, lifting me up, cradling me in his arms, against his chest. "Yuuki," Kaname whispered once again, so low in my ear I almost didn't hear it. I was a child in his arms-so small and fragile compared to him-as long as he held me, nothing could ever touch me. I was safe.

I felt shocks of electricity shoot through my limps, causing me to twitch slightly-simply from his light touches. Whether I was nervous or excited, I wasn't sure. But it was probably both.

But I knew what this was. And I wanted so much more of him.

When he pressed his lips to mine I felt as if I had been brought back to life again. My blood was soaring through my veins and my whole body felt hot. All nightmares and fears fled to the far darkest corners of my mind, completely forgotten.

Kaname leaned forward, pressing me down into the mattress-pressing his weight down on top of me-resting comfortably in-between my thighs, never breaking contact with my mouth. Every inch of him calling out to me. My hands immediately went to his face-his hair-having always wanted to feel him like this, so intimately, to touch him. Part of me couldn't help but this I haven't touched him since I was a child. I laughed then when I realized how crazy that sounded. I greedily ran my fingers through his hair, across his shoulders, down his back and up again. His muscles flexed beneath my hands, apparently wanting this just as badly as I did.

His lips went to my neck-sucking and kissing the skin there-making my knees shake, my back arch, making me smile-excitement crawling up my spine. I wrapped my legs around his waist when he ground into me, unable to stop myself from rising up to meet his every touch-a blush flooding my cheeks at my body's reactions. It felt so deep, unfathomablely deep, just touching each other like this. He reached his hand down in-between our bodies-touching me intimately.

I couldn't keep my breath, I couldn't keep my thoughts, it was just him and me. We were the only one's in the entire world. Nothing was going to keep us apart any longer.

This had to be a dream.

Kaname leaned up from my neck to look down in my eyes. I knew he was trying to talk to me, but all I could hear was this annoying beeping sound.

"What?" I asked, confused.

He repeated himself but all I heard was the beeping.

...

I opened my eyes and I was alone in my bed, tangled in damp sheets and completely out of breath, bright sunlight flooding in through the window. I looked around my room feeling dazed and confused. There was no sign that Kaname had been anywhere near me or my room except the fading memory and the feeling the dream left between my thighs.

* * *

That dream I had last night was strange-leaving the other events of the evening almost completely forgotten. Like so many dreams I've had before, it kept my thoughts busy-always wondering back to the same thing, the same moment-blood rushing through my veins, limbs trembling, heart racing. Of course this time the dream was pleasant and so very very vivid, unlike all those others. I was with Kaname the way I've always wanted to be . It felt so real, like he was really there with me, in my room, in my bed, in my arms. I couldn't focus in class , my mind drifting back to the moment when our bodies finally joined-

"Yuuki," Yori nudged my shoulder. "What is it?" She asked in a low whisper, sneaking glances between me and the teacher. "You keep gasping."

I blushed not realizing I had been reacting so loudly-out loud at all-to that dream, to his phantom touches. I shook my head at her. "No." I whispered back, quickly thinking up a lie to tell her. "I'm alright. I just felt a chill is all." I could have told her about the dream I had with Kaname. But I didn't want to. At least not here in the classroom with all these other people around to here. Plus Yori would probably blow it out of proportion-telling me it's some sort of sign that I should work harder to peruse him.

Zero and I got called to the Headmaster's office after classes.

"What is it now?" Zero mutter once we were in his office. He hadn't mentioned anything about our last night of patrols together. I had no idea whether or not he confronted Shiki about what had happened to me or not. I wasn't sure if I was ready to ask Zero either. He was a difficult person to confront, even with how close the two of us had become.

"I'm so glad you asked, Kiryu-kun!" the Headmaster cried cheerfully, a huge smile on his face. "The Association called for you! Looks like you'll be going into town until late tonight!"

"Association?" I asked-taking my usual seat in front of the Headmaster's desk-curious about Zero's secret life. I knew he was a Vampire Hunter, but he never talked about it. The Headmaster kept the whole thing secret from me as well.

"Hmm?" The Headmaster smiled at me. "Oh Yuuki, it's nothing you need to worry yourself over. Just super boring work!" he chuckled in that obnoxiously cheerful way he has, waving he hand all nonchalant at me. "Besides," he went on. "I have something else for you to do, Yuuki." he finished around on his desk-through his mountains of paperwork-till he fished out a handful. "I need you to take these-" he thrust them forward at my face. "to the Moon Dormitory and give them to Kaname-kun. Directly."

I blushed at the mention of Kaname's name, thinking back to that dream I had of him, of us naked, twining in the sheets. I took the papers from him to busy my hands. "What are they?" I asked, clearing my throat.

"Vacation forms!" he cried out loudly, throwing his arms out above his head.

"Vacation?" Zero asked, arching an eyebrow.

The Headmaster nodded, grinning ear to ear with his eyes shut. "Yes. Summer break is sneaking up on us. It'll be here before you know it! And the Night Class students leave's need to be approved by Kaname. I need his signature on every one of those forms. Ahhhhh! Remember the vacations we used to take?!" he cradled his face in his hands, lost in memories.

I wasn't about to take a trip down Memory Lane-on all the _fun family_ vacations the Headmaster used to drag us on. Zero didn't seem too eager for that trip either.

"She cannot go to the Moon Dorm herself, Headmaster." he stated firmly.

"Hmm?" the Headmaster turned his attention to Zero. "And why might that be, Kiryu-kun?"

"You know why. It isn't safe."

"Because they're monsters, taking the forms of humans?"

They stared at each other-Zero looking completely livid and the Headmaster completely calm. An uncomfortable silence quickly filled the room.

I jumped out of my chair. "Well these forms aren't gonna deliver themselves!"

I practically ran out of the room, leaving them to their screaming match. Not that I believed the Headmaster would lose his cool with Zero. He hardly ever lost his cool.

I stared down at the stack of papers wondering how I got myself into this mess. It felt like a mess to me at least. Having to go to the Moon Dormitory with paper work, and all by myself. It seemed like a lousy excuse just to get into Kaname's dorm room...

Maybe it was.

No.

There was no way the Headmaster would be trying to hook us up like that. I mean, sure, the Headmaster liked Kaname a lot, but this seemed like something Yori would think up. Not my dimwitted father. That seemed really messed up, even for someone like him.

I flipped though the papers some more as I climbed the stairs to the Dorm's main entrance, just reading the names. There were a lot. I wondered if it'd take Kaname a while to go through them. I hoped it would. We hadn't really gotten to spend any time together. The last time I was in his room I kissed him.

My heart raced.

I blushed, slapping myself in the face with the papers and stopping dead in my tracks.

There was no way I could go in there.

What if he brought it up? Or what if I brought it up! I've never been good under pressure. I've been known to mutter, stutter, and bumble on like a complete idiot when I get nervous, shy, and uneasy. Plus I can be a bit awkward-really awkward-especially in front of Kaname, especially in front of Kaname.

No.

What was I thinking?

Kaname's never gone out of his way to embarrass me. Plus he's really nice. So there's no way he'd bring up a conversation that would make me uncomfortable. Why was I freaking out over nothing?

Mind made up I shoved the double doors open and marched proudly inside the dormitory, loosing my conviction as soon as I walked in and was met by a room filled with piercing eyes. Eyes that sucked every ounce of self-confidence right out of my body.

Vampires filled the common area. They were all just lounging and conversing with each other. But as soon as I entered the room they all stared at me, eyes fixing me like they've never seen a person before.

I stared back, contemplated waving, thought better of it, and continued on my way up the stair to the Dorm Leader's room.

I took in a deep breath before knocking on the door, not wanting to linger in the hallway for too long. It's not that I was afraid of the Night Class students, I wasn't, not really. They just made me uncomfortable. Plus I had no idea where Shiki was. And I did not want to run into him again.

I knocked on the door before me, suddenly wearing of shadows.

"Kaname?" I called when he didn't answer.

I pushed the door open when there was no reply, stepping inside, figuring that maybe he had stepped out or was asleep. Kaname was sitting at his desk, his head resting in his palm, leaning over splayed papers. The curtains weren't drawn right now, filling the room with a soft orange glow. Kaname glanced up at me when I opened the door, causing my heart to skip a beat.

I cleared my throat. "Kaname, why didn't you answer me?" I asked, feeling slightly offended. "I had knocked..."

"I was distracted." he admitted, not seeming surprised at all that I was standing before him. "I've been neglecting my work." he gestured at the mountain of paper work with his hand like it was a nuisance, leaning back in his chair.

"Then you aren't going to like what I've brought you." I joked, stepping into the room. I pushed the door shut behind me and stepped up to his desk. His eyes followed me the whole time, making my head speed up. "The Headmaster wants you to sign these, I guess." I held the stack of papers out to him with both hands.

He sighed, taking them from me. Our hands brushed slightly, causing me to shiver slightly. "Always waiting till the last minutes." he muttered as he flipped through them, shaking his head slightly at the Headmaster's lack of organizational skills. He put his pen to the first sheet and I watch as his signature flowed smoothly onto the paper like a work of art. He sighed again, the sound so foreign to me.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked, sensing his frustration. "I could come back in a bit to get those, when you're all finished." I didn't want to be in his way.

"I want you to stay." he said, taking a hold of my wrist. Kaname gently pulled me into his lap, wrapping an arm around my waist, hugging me close. I laughed, feeling like a child again on his lap like this.

"Shall I help you?" I asked, picking up a pen off his desk.

Kaname leaned over my shoulder and set the next form on top of the stack for me to sign. I copied his signature-less elegantly-across the bottom line. We both laughed. I couldn't help but stare at him, absolutely in love with the sound of genuine, full laughter flowing from his lips. This was where I wanted to be. I wished to God-begging him-to please freeze time. I wanted this moment to last forever.

"At this rate we'll be done in no time." he said against my hair.


	21. Chapter 21

I flipped through the stack of signed documents on my way back home from the Moon Dormitory, comparing my version of Kaname's signature to his own-mine a childish scrawling compared to his elegance. It was defiantly obvious that he didn't sign them all, but Kaname insisted no one would question it. I knew that that wasn't completely true, of course. The Headmaster was sure to say something about it, probably able to recognize my writing right away. I wasn't really sure what I was going to tell him.

I brought the collar of my uniform jacket up to my nose-quietly inhaling. It smelled exactly like him, a side affect from leaning against his chest for so long. I hadn't sat in Kaname's lap since I was a little girl. I missed feeling so close to him, being in his arms, feeling so incredibly safe and close to him. I knew that I was the cause of the growing distance between us, my insecurities always getting the best of me. He had never really done anything to push me away.

We had finished filling out the documents far too quickly. I longed for an excuse to stay with Kaname just a little bit longer.

"You're looking rather cheerful tonight, Yuuki-chan." someone sang out lazily.

I looked all around me, checking my surroundings for the intruder, the only light to guide me glinting down from the moon and the stars. There, sitting up high in a tree-moonlight gleaming off his red hair-Shiki grinned down at me. His arms were crossed behind his head and his legs were spread out on the branch before him, ankles crossed.

Unease crawled up my spine, filling my stomach, causing my heart to pick up speed.

Slowly, I reached my hand up my thigh, underneath my skirt, grasping cool metal into my suddenly sweaty palm. I thought back to what Zero had said to me before, asking what had happened with Shiki before. Sure, he never said exactly what had happened between the two of them, whether or not he had actually took care of the whole thing, but Zero had always protected me. "What do you want, Senpai?" I called out to him, trying to sound brave-but my voice shook.

He laughed at that-sensing my fear-sitting up, swinging his legs over the side of the branch.

"Don't move!" I threatened, extending my weapon out before me and taking a defensive stance. This only seemed to make him laugh harder, me trying to protect myself.

"Oh Yuuki-chan," he jumped down from the tree, landing gracefully before me. "And what exactly do you plan on doing with this?" Shiki grabbed hold of my weapon as if it were nothing more then and unwanted toy. He yanked it from my unsteady fingers with easy and threw it behind him. I didn't see where it landed but I heard it clank loudly to the ground, then roll even further away. It called out to me, sensing that I was in danger.

"Can you hear that?" Shiki asked, wrapping his hand around my throat. His fingers contracted painfully, stealing my air away, choking me. I didn't know what he meant by that. "That's the sound of no one coming to save you."

...

 _Lately, I've been having such scary dreams. Whenever I close my eyes there's always someone looking at me there, all I see is two different colored eyes. One red...like blood. And the other so blue. They just stare at me, for a long time, always staring. Like they're waiting for...something to happen._

 _..._

Maybe I was just a naive, idiot girl. Maybe I should have left things alone to begin with. I had a good life. A good home-a great home, everything I could possibly want was lying right there before me. A great father. Zero was always such a great brother to me, even though-I had started to understand-that he wanted to be so much more from me. I could have left things alone then, left them the way that they were, but I was selfish, so very, very selfish. I was too curious, always asking questions that I suppose I never needed the answers too, but always wanting those answers, craving them. Always wanting to know about my past, my parents, the whys. They didn't deserve my constant prodding, my mistrust, even if they did have something to do with it-my forgotten memories, I should have just left it all alone.

Nothing could have prepared me for this.

I just laid there, in the water-what I thought was once water. Now I was soaking my body in the most unholy shade of crimson liquid-staring up at the ceiling-staining my porcelain skin red. There were blood smearings everywhere-slashing left and right in a chaotic, cacophony of madness, a Devil's painting. I just lay in the cooling red water, staring-unable to even blink now for fear of what might appear next-watching fingerings of blood drip down the wall-catching in the grout between the tiles, in the small floral designs in the ceramic, running down to meet me in the bath.

Where am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?

Those eyes-one red, one blue-stared down at me now. Watching me, daring me to blink, to move, to run away.

A tear slipped from my eye, running down my temple, disappearing into my hair.

I felt like I was losing my mind.

...

"...ki...uuki...Yuuki!"

I blinked.

The blood was gone. The ceiling white. The water crystal clear. And someone was pounding on the door, calling my name.

"Yuuki!" it was my father.

"es?" I cleared my throat. "Yes?" I called, clearly this time.

"You've been in there for hours. It's time to come out. Zero's been waiting to take his shower."

I stared down at the drain between my feet, reaching down into the water I pulled the plug. "Okay." I answered.

I stood, groggy. I couldn't remember getting into the bath. The last thing I remembered was my confrontation with Shiki, how he said that no one was coming to save me. I remembered feeling scared of him and then...nothing.

How could I not remember getting into the bathtub?

I shivered, wrapping my body into a soft towel.

Something wasn't right.

I passed Zero in the hallway on my way to my room. He said something to me but I didn't catch what it was. I couldn't think straight. All I could hear was a ringing sound. I felt dizzy and my head was pounding.

After I dressed into my pajamas, I got into my bed, thinking that a goodnight's sleep would surly take all this pain away.

...

It was late, so very late. I didn't bother looking over at the alarm clock. I just knew that I had been awake for far too many hours. Everyone else in the house was sound sleep. I, however, couldn't sleep. Nightmares haunted my every thought. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw them-those eyes-always watching me. Waiting. For me.

I threw back the covers, not being able to stay in this room a second longer. My room was so cold, so dark, so suffocating.

I couldn't breathe in here.

I opened the door, not caring that it smacked loudly into the wall. I ran down the stairs, almost falling twice. I was able to close the door behind me when I left the house, but I forgot to put on shoes as I ran down the cobblestone walkway that lead towards campus.

I couldn't keep my breath as I ran, arms pumping clumsily at my sides, tripping every third step, fighting hard to keep my balance, gravel digging into the soft skin of my heels, gasping loudly, begging the air to enter my lungs.

I tripped hard on my way up the steps to the Moon Dormitory's entrance, cutting deeply into my knees. Tears blurred my vision and I was gasping for air, my whole body shook violently, causing my muscles to ache.

I didn't knock when I got to Kaname's room, I just threw the door open. When I spotted him, I broke down completely. I must have looked so pathetic, standing in the doorway sobbing like a small child. But he didn't reproach me for it. He was by my side in an instant, wrapping me in a secure embrace.

"Yuuki," he crooned, voice filled with genuine concern and alarm. "What's wrong? What is it? What's happened?"

I couldn't breath in enough air to speak to him. So I just continued to cry, desperately clinging to him.

He tipped my head back so he could see my face, gently wiping my tears with his thumbs. "Shhh, Yuuki. I'm hear with you." Kaname leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against my cheek. "Just breathe now." He lifted me up then, carefully scooping me up underneath my knees. I felt something some touch my back, realizing he was lying me down in his bed.

When he leaned over me his hair spilled around his beautiful face, causing my heart to speed up. He leaned down my body, towards my ruined knees, pressing his lips against the shredded skin there. I felt the pain slowly fade to a dull ache before disappearing completely. He sat up then and gave me a small, reassuring smile. I was momentarily mesmerized by his power to heal my injury. Kaname gently stroked me cheek before leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead. "Yuuki," he whispered against my ear. "I love you."

And just like that my tears stopped completely.

And then insecurity took over.

What did he just say? Did I hear him right? Surely, he's only talking like that to make me feel better. He couldn't possibly feel that way, not about me.

"What?" I asked, sniffling, not quite sure I had heard him right.

Kaname smiled gently down at me, stroking my hair so softly. "I said that, I love you, Yuuki. Shall I tell you again?" he smiled when I blushed, pressing his lips against my warm cheek. "I love you." he whispered against my ear.

All coherent thought fled from my mind and my mouth suddenly felt so very dry. Even though I knew exactly how I felt about him, my throat closed up and I couldn't answer, never having imagined in a million years that this would happen.

"Yuuki," he whispered against my neck, pressing warm kisses to the soft skin of my throat. "why are you crying? Can you tell me what's happened?"

"I," I started. He sat up, giving me his full attention. I swallowed hard, not really sure how to do this. I decided to go with the most recent. "Shiki's been-" Kaname tensed at the mention of Shiki's name, visibly seeming angry. I cleared my throat, reaching up to fuss with a button on his shirt so I didn't have to stare into his overly intense eyes. I swallowed hard. "weird." I continued. "I think he did something to me." I whispered, feeling the tears well up in my eyes again.

If I thought he seemed mad before, then he was livid now. But he stayed quiet and waited for me to finish.

"And I've been having dreams about strange people and places that seem to make so much sense, but at the same time no sense at all. None of it makes any sense!" I started to cry again. "I haven't been sleeping, I'm so afraid of the nightmares. I can barely eat anything." Revealing this to him wasn't easy. "And sometimes the whole room with be covered in blood and-and I feel so crazy!" I probably sounded crazy too.

"I'm so sorry, Yuuki. My dear, Yuuki." Kaname said, anger dissipating to sadness. Why did he seem sad now. He pressed his forehead against mine, twisting our fingers together. "My Yuuki. I really did try to create a safe place for you to grow carefree in. But it seems I've failed, again, at protecting you."

I cupped Kaname's face between my hands, his sadness overwhelming me.

"I promised her I'd keep you safe." he whispered.

I didn't know what he was talking about-who the 'her' was that he was referring too. I wanted to ask but I wanted to take away his pain even more. Kaname was so important to me. I never wanted to see him hurting.

"I do love you, Kaname." I said, wanting to change this horrible atmosphere. "So much. I've always loved you."

"I've always been a selfish man. My whole life, I've always taken what I wanted." he went on to say, looking deeply into my eyes, making me blush at my own confession. "I don't deserve Yuuki's love." he gently touched his lips to mine, so swiftly I wasn't even sure if it had actually happened. "You've always been the light in my darkness. I'm not going to let that man have you." he whispered against my neck. "I hope that you won't resent me for this."

After Kaname said those words I felt something sharp impale the skin at my throat, right below my ear where my pulse throbbed the strongest.

I knew he just bit me.


	22. Chapter 22

I felt like I was floating through quiet space. But I was so lost in the darkness I couldn't really be sure where I was. Was I ever afraid of the dark? I couldn't remember ever needing a nightlight as a child, ever needing to leave the door cracked open when I slept, the T.V on. The darkness had never bothered me before. Now, now I felt like it followed me everywhere. Recently I felt surrounded in darkness.

I knew what had happened, what was happening. I remembered where I was. I was with Kaname, still in his room, in his bed. I had just told him about my memories, about the haunting blood images. What I didn't expect was his reaction to my confession.

There was such an intense burning in my neck, spreading throughout my entire body, my arms and legs, my fingertips and my toes.

I had been bitten before, many times before now. Zero used to feed off of me all the time, taking my life's blood into his body, needing it to survive. I wanted to keep Zero alive. I still did, even now after everything that's happened between us. He would always be my family. I _needed_ him to live. I begged him to, to never leave me alone. I couldn't bare the thought of life without him.

Now, as I lay here with Kaname-even though he held me so close, I couldn't help but wonder if everything I ever knew was a lie.

What was I expecting? If I was really being honest with myself. I knew what happened when a human was bitten by a Pureblood.

This was so different-the feel of his fangs buried deep within my neck. I remembered countless times when I used to crave the feeling. How I would lie in bed awake, for countless hours, picturing this exact moment, wishing for it. To be able to be with him for the rest of forever.

This wasn't it at all.

Now my body shook so violently-as if I were cold, every nerve screaming at me to get away from that which caused me such pain, this searing ache. But I couldn't move. He was so strong-so much stronger than I, and I felt so very weak in his arms. I knew I had lost too much blood. Way too much blood. My heart sped up at this realization. I started drifting closer and closer towards that blackness.

Why was he taking so much?

I was scared.

...

 _Yuuki, I'm going to put the part of you that is a vampire to sleep now. Do you understand what I'm saying? You'll be able to grow up and live your life as a human from now on. You'll be able to go outside and play under the warm sun like a normal child, like you've always wanted. But...my life, if I use this technique I won't be able to be with you any longer, my sweet girl. But, Yuuki, I want you to know that you've made mother very so proud. Father too. We both love you very much. You've always been such a good girl. I'm so happy to have had you as my daughter. And I'm happy to be able to give you a chance at another life, a happier life, one away from all this blood and death...Mother couldn't have asked for a better child. From now on you'll be able to do anything you'd like...I would like to be there with you, to watch you grow, but-when you wake up...you won't remember anything._

 _..._

Now I was cold. My body was shaking. I could feel wrapped up in the blankets, but I was still so cold. I didn't feel like I was in my own body. I felt lighter. Even though my eyes were closed, everything was so clear, sounds, smells. But most of all-

I knew everything.

I remembered.

"Yuuki." Kaname called softly, gently stroking my hair.

When I opened my eyes to look at him I was so shocked at what I saw. I stared at Kaname through a veil of tears as if I were seeing him for the very first time. He was so handsome-staring down at me with such a searing intensity. Yes, it was still the Kaname I knew and loved, had always loved-ever since I was so small. But he was also so much more to me now that I could remember my past. I've known him since the day I was born. We lived together. Grew up together. Shared the same house, memories...parents.

My parent.

They were dead.

I began to cry. Memories of my childhood flooding back into my head like a river.

My father-my real father-had died so violently that day-trying to protect me from that man that haunted my dreams. And mother sacrificed her life to give me a new one away from those nightmares.

"I'm so sorry, Yuuki." Kaname whispered. He bent down and kissed my forehead. "I've brought you back into this nightmarish world of blood and darkness."

Ah Kaname, he says he's selfish but it's me who's the selfish one. He's been alone for so long-always gazing at me from a distance-knowing exactly who I am, living all alone in this world. With no one. With mother and father dead, with me...not myself-

I gasped loudly, reaching for my throat. I drew in a ragged breath, unable to believe how incredibly thirsty my body was. It was unlike anything I've ever felt before. I thought back to that time when I found Zero lying on his bedroom floor, Blood Tablets strewn all across the floor, water soaking into the wood, him, gasping for breath like he were dying.

I understood now.

I was a vampire.

And vampires need blood.

I sat up in the bed mechanically, getting onto my knees. I wrapped my arms around Kaname's neck. He didn't fight me, didn't question what it was that I was doing to him. He just held completely still and let me do whatever it was I wanted to him.

His blood called out to me, sang to me from beneath his skin. If I stared at the spot on his neck that screamed at me the loudest, I could see it moving through his veins-traveling throughout his body.

I wanted him, badly.

I wanted his blood.

I needed it. I craved it. There was no other thought. No other reason. Just me. Just his blood. Just my desire for it. And I would have it.

I bit into his neck greedily. Not even realizing what it was that I was doing. I didn't drink blood. That wasnt a normal behavior practiced by people. I shouldn't be doing this. I had to stop, I needed to stop. My head screamed for me to stop, but my body told my head to shut up and drink. I wanted this. He could have stopped me, but he didn't. I felt his fingers snake into my hair, hanging on. His other arms wrapped around my waist, clinging to me.

I bit harder- needing to get closer to him, wanting it all.

It the dark resesses of what I assumed were Kaname's thoughts, all I felt was his love for me. I was swimming in it.

It was all too much to handel.

I let go, realizing what it was that I was doing.

"Yuuki," he stared down at me. "Don't cry."

I shivered, wrapping my arms around my body. "I..." I took in a shuttering breath. "I can't-" I grabbed the sides of my head, shaking it violently as memories swarmed me. The face of my mother as she died-her blood soaked smiled. My father's distant screaming.

Something shattered.

I looked up, shocked at the sudden sound, ready to attack the intruders- but it was only the mirror on the near by dressers, lying on the floor in shambles.

"Did I do that?" I cried, feeling monstrous.

"Yuuki, calm down" Kaname wrapped his arms around me.

"But I'm not...I'm not me anymore... I I'm-"

"A vampire? Yuuki," Kaname tilted my chin up to face him. "You've been a vampire since the day you were born and furthermore, you were born to be mine."

My heart throbbed.

"But...something like that..." The human side of me that had dreamed of hearing this words now trembled, not believing for one second that now, finally, after so many countless hours-years- of wishing, wanting, yearning for him, he was being taken away by blood.

"Is too beastly? Our parents were siblings, surly you remember that? And is it so strange for purebloods to intermarry?"

Was it? I didn't know the answer to that. Did my heart even care about something I was suddenly finding so trivial? It sure didn't feel like it cared. Even now I wanted him, even more then I wanted his blood. I wanted him to be mine and mine alone. No one else would have him.

"Our parents are dead." I reminded him, my eyes filling with tears once more.

"Yuuki, this I swear to you, no one will take you from me. No one will ever lay a hand on you. If they so much as cross you the wrong way they will have me to deal with."


	23. Chapter 23

Kaname told me to stay in the room. He said he'd be back soon. He asked me to wait for him. I would. I'd always wait for him. I didn't care how long he took, even though I really didn't want to be alone right now. I'd wait forever for him, as long as it took. I was feeling too many things right now, far too many emotions. I didn't know what to do except what he told do. I couldn't bare to think for myself at the current moment. My mind was racing. I was at his mercy.

I was sitting in the bathtub, still in my clothing, shivering terribly from a chill I couldn't seem to shake off-rocking back and forth in an attempt to calm my thoughts and my tremors. My body was so very cold, inside and out. I was having the hardest time getting warm. The water couldn't get hot enough for me. Having just drank Kaname's blood wasn't sitting right with me. It was still very strange to my human consciousness. Though I understood who I was now, it didn't seem normal-drinking blood, having such sharp teeth resting behind my lips. I kept tearing into my cheeks, my tongue, my own blood filling my mouth, bitter. The wounds healed instantly, of course, but it still caused me pain-and shock, both physically and mentally. The blood seemed to vibrate underneath my own skin-through my veins, feeling so much stronger than I was before. I stared down at my reflection in the water-between my knees-not recognizing myself. My ebony hair was black no more. The brown that I once loathed had returned-soft burgundy highlights aflame. It was much softer and thicker to,;shining and soft as could be, floating around me in the water like a silk curtain.

I didn't see the visions of blood anymore, no longer haunted by a past I couldn't recall. Now I only saw my own memories. Real memories, from my past. Memories of my mother and my father-of my parents, real parents, of when they were alive, of the house we used to live in, my mother reading to me before bed, stroking my forehead and whispering love tales between her and father. I felt a sort of closure-knowing that they didn't truly abandon me that night-leaving me to the mercy of that rouge vampire. Part of me defiantly felt abandoned, though, having been left without parents at such a young age.

They were both Pureblood vampires. They were both so strong! How could they have fallen at the hands of... _that_ man.

The tile near my head shattered against my rage, my pain.

 _They were dead._

 _My parents were dead._

 _They shouldn't be dead!_

I stood in the tub-water pouring off my clothes in streams-having decided my next course of action, hands shaking at my sides.

No, I couldn't just leave things as they were.

I striped my body of my wet clothes, leaving them in a sopping pile on Kaname's bathroom floor. I went into his bedroom completely naked and began to rummage through his wardrobe for something dry to wear, not caring that I knocked clothes to the floor in the process. I settled for a plain grey dress shirt, wrapping it around my wet body. It smelled just like him. My head spun with nothing but thoughts and images of him, my rage completely forgotten.

But only for a moment.

I could sense him even now-there was more then one Kuran here, and it wasn't Kaname I could feel.

I had never truly seen his face, never even heard his voice. But I knew that it was him. The mam that had taken away my happiness, my childhood, my family.

All I felt was resolve-a strong sense of territorial-ness. No one else would be taken from me. Never again.

When I opened the door leading to the hallway Auido was standing there in it's entrance, his back to me. He turned to face me, though, at hearing the door open.

"Cross-ah...no...Kuran-sama..."

"What..." I arched an eyebrow at him, momentarily confused by what I just heard come out of his mouth. Not only had he addressed me so formally-something I've never heard before, he called me by Kaname's name. Sure, I was born a Kuran, I knew I was. But the part of my mind that still thought I was a human soared at the thought of having the same name as Kaname, at other people addressing me as such-and my heart skipped a beat. I was his and he was mine. I cleared my throat. "Hana-chan, stand aside." I said.

He shook his head at me, his face uneasy. "Kaname-sama told me to make sure you stay in here...did you need anything?" he asked. "I can get it for you."

"No. I need to leave." I stated, firmly this time. "And you're in my way." I knew that other vampires had to obey Purebloods. I knew that Purebloods had a sort of control over them. However I had no idea how to use it, not that I truly wanted to have control over anyone's free will. My desire to get out of this room was very strong though. My desire for revenge for my family was burning throughout my entire body. Shiki's face was glowing brightly behind my eyes. Though the person I was now knew that Shiki was not the man I was looking for-I knew that that was the form he now possessed. And I didn't care if I had to kill Shiki and he in one.

My humanity trembled at my violence.

- _I've come for your princess..._

I shoved her down, remembering my mothers blood dripping face hovering over me.

Something flew out of me-a sort of energy burst that made me gasp at its suddenness-sending Auido crashing loudly into the opposite wall, knocking him out. A small trail of blood dripped out from his hairline onto his forehead, staining the carpet.

I couldn't control what I was feeling inside. I didn't mean to hurt Hanabusa. I didn't want to hurt anyone. It hurt my heart to hurt him. Tears stung my eyes and it took all of my control not to go to him. Hanabusa had never really done anything to harm me. He didn't deserve it. I stood over him, staring down at his limp body, silently promising myself that he'd be okay before I continued on my way.

Dawn was breaking over the horizon. It was just barely dark out still. Morning dew clung to the grass, making it look like it had just rained. A low misty fog hung in the air. It was chilly, too. I stared down at my feet as I walked along the pavement, wondering why I didn't have any shoes on, wishing I had worn pants. I couldn't remember the night before very well, my conversation with Kaname, why I ran to him in the first place. I loved him, but whenever the night haunted me I usually went to Zero.

Zero!

He didn't know.

I stopped walking, holding my head in my hands, fisting my hair so tightly it hurt.

Chaos.

It truly felt like raging chaos inside my mind. Zero had no idea I was a vampire. I knew he wouldn't take it well. What would I say to him when I saw him? How could I possibly explain any of this to him? So that he would understand without hating me?

"Cross! Ahh! I mean, Kuran Yuuki-sama! Please wait!"

I turned around at the sound of my name being shouted out to the stars-dropping my hands back to my sides-to see Auido sprinting up to me and waving his arms around above his head like a crazy person. I guess he wasn't as badly hurt as I thought he was. There wasn't any blood on his face, no visible bruising. I guess that he had healed just fine.

He stopped directly before, bracing his hands onto his knees and fighting to catching his breath.

"What are you-" I started.

He looked up at me sharply before snapping up into a pin straight stance, glaring down at me. "You!" he accused, jamming a finger in my direction, right at my nose. "Are you trying to get me killed?! Kaname-sama is going to be so pissed off when he finds out that I let you leave the room. Or, better yet, are you trying to kill me yourself?! Just what was that back there?"

I shrugged. "Well, I did tell you to move." I defended, shoving his hand away, even though I really did feel terrible for hurting him before. "You should have listened to me, Hana-chan."

Hanabusa's cheeks tinged the lightest shade of pink and he stomped his foot like a child. "You're supposed to listen to me!" he argued. "I'm the one that's in charge here!"

I turned on my heels and continued on my way, pretending I didn't hear that. No one was in charge of me.

"At least put some shoes on! Kaname will have my head if you get hurt!" he called out after me. "And tell me where it is you're going anyway!"

"I'm looking for a worm." I muttered, angry.

"Is that anyway to talk about your uncle?"

And he was right in front of me. Just like that. I hadn't even blinked. He was suddenly just there. And it wasn't Shiki anymore. He decided to show his true self this time instead of hiding behind another disguise like a coward. That night he came and murdered my parents he brought a small band of vampires with him. Always hiding behind a mask. I stared at him now-his eyes, the eyes that always haunted me as a child and in my dreams, one red and one blue. He had a filthy grin smeared across his face, staring at me like a starved, deranged beast.

"Kuran Rido." Auido sneered, stepping in front of me protectively, throwing me off guard.


	24. Chapter 24

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears-the sound so loud it blocked out all other noise. I'm sure that they could probably hear it too. However, it was the only thing that I could hear. I may have never laid eyes on this man in my lifetime before, but I knew him. With one look I knew him. It was his eyes. I knew those eyes. They haunted my dreams for so many years, stared at me, tormented me, saw every move I had ever made. They had a distinctly crazy look in them.

"Kuran Rido."

I snapped out of my trance, realizing Auido was standing in-between us now-staring Rido down, his back facing me protectively, ever muscle in his body tense. He had appeared in front of me as suddenly as Rido had.

Rido laughed loudly at him, throwing his head back like a deranged lunatic and grabbing onto his sides as if he had just heard the funniest joke. I heard Auido swallow hard, clenching his fists tightly-knuckles going white from the strain, desperately trying to figure out exactly what to do next against a Pureblood. He didn't stand a chance here, and Risk knew that just as clearly as I did. The temperature in the air began to drop fiercely-morning dew freezing against the ground- and ice shot out from where Auido stood-shards jetting out right towards Rido's head, sharp as daggers.

I should have stopped him.

Rido stopped laughing just as suddenly as he had started, his face a grim mask-ice shattering loudly like glass before it got anywhere near him. Rido stared Auido down as if he were an insect that needed to be squashed, making Auido flinch with unease.

I knew I should do something now. Help Auido before things got too out of hand. My body was screaming at me to move, to do something to stop this. But my feet felt nailed to the ground. My mouth felt dry and I couldn't move an inch. Memories of my last night as a vampire were fresh in my mind. My mother's bloodied face leaning over me. The scent of my father's blood-I could smell it now.

Auido collapsed at my feet in a pool of his own blood, breaking me from my trance. He wasn't moving. I couldn't hear his heart beating either.

It was my fault.

This was all my fault. Audio shouldn't have been here. He shouldn't have protected me. I shouldn't have let him interfere in this. This was my problem. This was my family. This was my fight. I should have stopped him. He didn't stand a chance against a Pureblooded vampire. I knew that. He had to have known that. He was always braging about how smart he was. And yet he still got in the way. I should have made sure he didn't follow me here. Or at least told him to go back to the dormitory. _Made_ him go back. No one else was supposed to get hurt. I was supposed to make sure no one else was hurt. No one else was supposed to be taken away from me. I wasn't going to lose anyone ever again, and yet... I still couldn't do anything to save him.

I was still so weak. I was still that weak, defenseless little girl from so many years ago that could do nothing more then hide behind her mother's skirt.

What was wrong with me? What was so wrong with me that I couldn't save the people I loved?

I felt cold hands on the back of my neck-snaking around me, yanking my head up by my hair painfully, forcing me to look up into unnaturally colored eyes-terrifyingly insane. "Oh...Yuu...ki...mine...all mine." he whispered my name softly like a climaxing lover, squeezing my face in his hands, burying his face into my hair. "Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki. Oh Yuuki." Frozen lips trailed down my temple, my cheek. "I've been waiting for this moment," he breathed. "your whole life. And now I finally have you." his nails dug into the flesh behind my ears, piercing the skin, drawing blood. "You are...all mine. No one else is here to interfere."

His voice, I was scared what he was going to do to me.

His hands, he kept running them up and down my body, feeling every inch of me-touching me so intimately, squeezing me, whispering my name over and over again. Chanting it, parsing it, like it was the only word he knew.

He inhaled sharply, so suddenly that I jumped. "That smell...you smell like _him_." he sounded wounded, like I had betrayed him somehow. Rido's hand went to the front of my borrowed shirt, firsting the fabric, tearing it, making me tremble. I assumed that the _him_ he was referring to was Kaname, by the way he was treating my clothing.

"Let me go." I whispered, still feeling like a weak, frightened child in his iron embrace.

He smoothed his hand over my cheek, in what he probably thought to be a soothing gesture. But there was nothing gentle in Rido's touches, nothing calming or reassuring. "your mother didn't want me either. She was always rejecting my advances. Always pushing me away. It was always about Haruka. Haruka, Haruka." he chuckled. "I told them I'd come for you. I told them that I would have you. You won't reject me, sweet Yuuki. I have you now." he leaned forward and bit into my shoulder roughly-tearing into the skin.

I screamed.

A gunshot echoed loudly through the morning sky, disturbing some birds, making them fly out of their perches in rage.

The front of my shirt was completely soaked in crimson red. Rido dropped to his knees in a bloody heap, grasping his gaping chest and gasping for breath. I stumbled backwards away from him and from the force of the gunshots impact. My ribs felt bruised from the force of him slamming into me. I held onto my neck where Rido had bit me, my eyes searching for that bullets owner, blood dripping in between my fingers.

He found me first.

Zero came up behind me, grabbing me by the back of my arm and yanking me around to face him.

"Zero."

"What the fuck, Yuuki!" he yelled in my face, towering over me. And he looked so mad, so confused, so betrayed, and hurt. His eyes held more emotion in them then I had ever seem.

My eyes filled with tears. I cleared my throat trying to reign in my emotions. "What the fuck, you! You could have shot me!" I yelled back at him, trying to act like my old self, punching his arm. But he just stared at me like he didn't know me. I bit my lower lip, nervous about this confrontation. I shook my head. "You said...you could never hate me." I whispered. Of course he could sense that I was a vampire now. The sent of my blood was everywhere. And Zero knew my blood. He had been drinking it for months before now. His hatred for vampires was so strong. And his family was murdered by vampires. The human side of Yuuki loved him so much. Zero was her brother. They shared a home, secrets, a life. They grew up together with the Headmaster. The Headmaster! What would he think?

He probably already know.

I didn't get a chance to explain myself. Rido began laughing once more and slowly rose to his feet. Blood continued pouring out from his chest.

"What is this?" he asked through his laughter, staring at his bloodied hands, like he thought it was so funny he was wounded.

"It doesn't matter that you're a Pureblood." Zero told him calmly, keeping his guard up. "You are no match for my Bloody Rose gun. An anti-vampire weapon will kill you."

"Yuuki," Rido turned his wounded, crazed eyes on me, ignoring Zero completely. "how many men will you cheat on me with? With how many men? What are you trying to prove here? Why do you want to hurt me?"

"What in the hell are you going on about?" Zero asked, stepping in front of me as Aidou had done.

"Hmmm? You?" Rido stabbed a bloody finger at him. The blood began to snake out into a whip-like string, curling around his body. "You're one of the Fallen. But you've been drinking my nephew's blood. Haven't you?" he laughed again like it was one of the funniest things he has ever heard. "Kaname's always had a problem collecting strays."

"Kaname's?" I asked, shocked.

So that's why Zero didn't need my blood anymore. He had been drinking Kaname's which, at the time, was so much stronger then mine. It definitely would always be stronger than mine.

Zero looked pissed at his secret having been found out.

His whip shot out at me. I didn't know how to channel my powers yet. I couldn't defend myself. I was basically a child still.

Zero caught Rido's blood-whip in his fist as if it were nothing more then a nuisance, yanking it towards him, pulling Rido along with him like he were on a rope. Zero shot him again, in the same spot as before, the bullet going clean through his body this time. Blood smeared across the pavement in a wide arch. There was something different about Zero in this moment. He seemed so strong, so powerful, so intimidating. He also seemed like he didn't give a shit if he made it out of this alive.

Rido just kept laughing, like his mind was completely lost, like he wasn't even feeling the pain. Even when Zero grabbed him by the throat and threw him against the ground, he just kept laughing, not seeming to notice what was being done to him.

Gunshots echoed loudly, making my ears ring painfully. I felt so surrounded by their sounds, like I was caught in a fire fight in an old western movie. I covered my ears with my hands, dropping to my knees, staring wide-eyes as Rido's head turned to pulp on the pavement.

Somehow, he was still laughing.

"Yuuki," he called softly, when his laughter finally, finally stopped. He reached out to me, fingers extended, beckoning towards me. His skin began to crack and very slowly turn grey. "I have always...loved you."

I stared at him until he turned to dust-wanting to make absolutely sure he was really gone, thinking to myself that Zero made killing my uncle look easy and so completely unreal. It wasn't fair. I wanted to kill him, this murdering pycopath. I wanted revenge for my family, for my parents, for Kaname, for myself.

Zero was always having to save me.


	25. Chapter 25

Chaos.

Chaos had erupted all around us.

The Academy was in absolute chaos.

I could hear fighting in almost every direction I turned, hear screaming, smell blood. I couldn't see them, but I could hear them. I could hear them dying, I could hear their pain. The rouge vampires my uncle surely dragged with him here were now attacking the students. Rido never fought his own battles. He fought dirty that last time, too. I could still remember the sounds of footsteps scurrying across the roof, nails scrapping at the walls, the windows.

At the moment though, I found that I couldn't care about any of that-about other people's lives. Though, surely that Human part of my subconsciousness would be wrought in tourment over the students safety-being a guardian of this establishment, my mind was ill at ease. Slowly, all other sounds drifted from my ears, my senses honing in. All I could focus on was what was before me.

Currently, my mind was elsewhere.

My eyes were still fixated on my uncle's crystallized body. The man responsible for destroying my entire childhood, murdering my family, the root of all my torment. I watched him as his skin turned grey and began to crack, remembering the sound of my mother's terrified scream when he yelled her name from across the front yard through the freezing cold snow-claming that he had come for her. That he was here to take me away from her forever. There was so much anger that night, so much fear swirling around the atmosphere of what I had always thought was our sweet sanctuary, and so much pain. I hated this man, so very much. Even in death I couldn't release the hate I held in my heart for him, the pain he had caused me to feel that night still felt so fresh, like an open wound that just wouldn't close up. It just kept bleeding.

I stomped down on his head, shattering all of him to dust. It settled at my feet.

It still wasn't enough for me. Though his rotting body no longer lay at my feet, somehow, I still wished for it to be there, alive and in flesh, for me to take my revenge upon it slowly, to make this terrible person suffer as much as I have. I was just a little girl. I wasn't ready to lose my mother, my father. Of course my rational side knew I couldn't stand against him, that if it wasn't for Zero showing up when he did I would be dead, or worse.

I shuttered at the thought of all the horrible things Rido probably had planned for me.

It wasn't fair.

"Zero." I called when I saw him hurrying away from me, the rapid movement catching my eye.

He turned to face me, stopping. Our eyes locking together.

The look in Zero's eyes took all the air from my body, making me gasp, crushing me.

Years of love forgotten in the hatred of a single moment.

The intensity in his eyes was almost enough to bring me to my knees, stop my heart in my chest, make me regret my own existence. Never once in my entire life has Zero ever looked at me in such a way, made me feel so worthless. I couldn't bare it. He's only ever looked at vampires like that. I didn't want him looking at me like that, to think that now he had to hate me because I was a vampire.

Zero hated me. His eyes told me so. I couldn't comprehend that look in any other way but pure hatred. He turned his back to me without a word, continuing on his way to wherever it was he was going. And at the moment I didn't have the courage to call out to him a second time, to go after him, to cling to him and beg him to let me explain everything to him, so that maybe he would understand what had happened to me, that I was born this way and it wasn't a choice I had made-surely he could tell that I was a pureblood, so that maybe he wouldn't hate me, to let me go with him. I finally understood everything and yet there was still so much I didn't seem to understand at all.

I watched him go off on his own way, to go and save everyone else, to hunt vampires-what he had been born and raised to do, what he had spent years of his life training and preparing for. I watched him leave as if it were happening in slow motion, begging my body to please, please move. Please go after him. Please call out for him. Don't let it end like this. Not like this.

My heart felt broken.

 _Please don't go. Please don't leave me alone._

I couldn't say a word. I was still so weak.

I went over to Auido, collapsing to my knees beside him, no longer able to stand. "Oh Hana-chan," I whispered to his unconscious body. "surely, Zero hates me now. I don't see how we'll ever be okay now." I watched him. His chest moved slowly up and down as he took faint, shallow breaths. He wasn't bleeding anymore but he had lost a lot of blood. "You would say something like 'Zero is an idiot' or something like that." I tried to laugh but it just sounded really sad. Auido wouldn't say something so pathetic. He was so smart, always usinh such big, sophisticated words. I tried shaking his shoulder, wanting him to wake up, needing him to wake and speak to me, to comfort me-even if that was definitely something very unlikely. "Please, wake up." But he didn't even flinch at my prodding, making my heart sink even farther into the dirt. It was my fault Auido was so hurt. Everything felt like it was my fault. "What do I do now?" I whispered to no one.

I stared down at my soiled clothes. The blood on them was drying into a dirty brown color, sticking to my body uncomfortably. My whole body smelled like my uncle's filthy blood.

The wind picked up, stirring my brunette hair softly around my face. It waved and curled, twisting like my mother's did. I admired her hair as a child, always running my fingers through it, always begging her to let me brush it. I caught a silken strand between my fingers. The rising sun catching deep burgundy highlights. My human side hated my curling hair, always flat ironing the life out of my locks.

I wrapped my arms around my shoulders.

I couldn't stand it. There were so many things I hated right now. The fact that Zero hated me when he didn't even understand what was going on. He had no right to hate me. The fact that I didn't get to take revenge on my uncle for myself. The fact that Zero took that from me. The fact that I was all alone. The fact that my parents were dead. They shouldn't be dead. I shouldn't be without parents. The fact that Zero hated me when I should be the one that hated him after he killed Rido. The fact that Auido was lying before me unconscious when he should be in the Moon Dormitory, far away from me.

I lifted my head, gasping when I smelled the familiar scent of roses. It had hit me so suddenly, seeming to appear out of nowhere.

I rose to my feet, blindly running towards the source. I knew that scent anywhere. Ever since I was a child he had always been there for me, whenever I needed him. Whenever I needed him most, he always appeared.

I blindly collapsed into his arms, not caring that other's were around, not caring who they were and if they were staring.

Finally, I cried.

I buried my face in his chest and cried, finally feeling so safe and secure in his arms. "Please, Kaname," I whispered against him. "Please don't leave me again. I don't want to be alone ever again."


	26. Chapter 26

I was sitting in the very back seat of a black car, ears focused on the soft hum of the engine, the rest of the world fading away around me. The windows were darkly tinted. No one would be able to see in here. No one would be able to see me. That's really what this was all about, this particular car. I remembered thinking I almost felt like special opps when I first climbed in, riding in the backseat of a car like this. Usually I was up front in the passengers seat, or driving.

That had been hours ago. I didn't know how long it had been exactly since we started driving, just that it seemed like forever. Kaname was sitting right beside me, holding my hand tightly in his, our fingers intertwined together-like he was afraid that if he didn't grasp me so tightly I would surly disappear right before his eyes-he was watching me so closely. But I wasn't going anywhere. I was finally right where I wanted to be.

Whenever I asked him where it was that we were going he only told me not to worry, that he was taking me somewhere safe where I would never have to be afraid again.

To me, though, that seemed rather unrealistic. I wasn't going to say that to him. I wasn't going to make him worry by thinking I didn't feel safe with him. I did. I've always felt safe when Kaname was close by. Though Rido was dead and gone I would forever be haunted by my memories, the memories that my Human side so desperately wished she could remember, the ones that my Vampire side longed to forget. You could never erase the past. There would always be something to fear.

I rested my forehead against the cool glass, staring out the window, watching as the world rushed past me, remembering that tearful goodbye back at the Academy. I stood at the bottom of the staircase, a suitcase on either side of me, just staring at the front door while the Headmaster and Kaname exchange a swift farewell, wondering if I'd ever cross through the threshold again-not even caring to acknowledge the fact that the Headmaster had known my fate all along and had kept my past from me a secret. Then he turned to me-interrupting my thoughts. This man was my adoptive father. He took me into his home when I was lost in the unknown, raised me as if I were his own daughter. Never judging me, always supporting me through everything. He hugged me against him tightly-crushing me into his chest, sobbing like a tiny child, blubbering about how much he was going to miss me and that he didn't want to let me go just yet, how I had better call and write him every single day, that I had better not over forget him and the life we had shared together. I was loathe to admit, my eyes misted a bit too. This was my Human side's father. My real father was long dead. I shouldn't miss him. I shouldn't cry over him.

But I was.

I would miss him terribly.

Zero had been nowhere in sight then.

That was probably for the best though.

I didn't question Kaname when he asked me to leave with him, falling to his knees before me and clutching my hands so tightly in his, claiming that he had been alone for so long-that he didn't wish to be apart from me a second longer, that he couldn't bear it if I rejected him. I didn't feel guilty. I didnt feel like I owed him anything in that moment. That's not why I went with him. I went with him because I loved him. Unconditionally. Even before I knew who I really was and who he really was, I loved him since day one. I'd follow him to the ends of the Earth if he asked me too.

I glanced at Kaname shyly, needing the reassurance that this was real, that he was actually here with me, sitting right beside me in the car, my cheeks flooding with color when I saw his body right beside mine. His eyes met mine and he smiled gently, bending down to kiss my forehead softly, without seeming to even think about it, as if it came so naturally.

I closed my eyes against his lingering lips, my heart leaping at the sensations his mouth was causing my to feel.

I opened them when he pulled away, feeling a touch of disappointment. Kaname was staring down at me, smiling gently. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, trailing his fingers along my jaw.

I looked away, his eyes too intense for me to handle at the moment.

I had just realized, I didn't say goodbye to Yori.

My best friend.

My roommate.

She was so many things to me. And I left her without a word.

I reached into my purse, my fingers skimming across the cool plastic of my cell phone, clutching it tightly.

I could just call her...

We left so many things unfinished, unsaid. Our last year of high school, whether or not she'd finally build up the nerve to ask Zero out, that Kaname and I were finally, _finally_ together-

What would I possibly tell her?

What _could_ I tell her?

I was no longer the Yuuki that she knew.

I closed up my purse, dropping it to the floor by my feet and slouching back against Kaname, giving up on the idea entirely.

"Is something wrong, Yuuki?"

"No." I mumbled, obviously. I felt like a shit friend and a pathetic coward.

He picked up on my lie easily. Somehow, knowing me better then I sometimes knew myself. "Did you forget something back at the Academy?"

I didn't want to talk about it, at least not with Kaname, not right now. I'd probably cry and he'd probably think it was stupid. "I'm just tired of being in the car, is all."

"It won't be much longer..." he reasured me. "Perhaps you're tired. Shall I hold you till you fall asleep?"

I blushed at his out-of-the-blue offer. "Th-that won't be necessary!" I turned back towards the window, trying to ignore his quite chuckling.

I was the stupid one. It didn't matter what it was, of course Kaname would care.


	27. Chapter 27

I became aware first of the feeling of his soft lips against my temple, whispering my name softly against my skin. "Yuuki," he called gently, reaching across our bodies to touch my cheek. Then of the car seat beneath me. It was no longer being disturbed by the suble vibrations of the open road, lulling me into this restless slumber. "We're here."

Groggily, I forced my eyes to open up-wanting to sleep more, but wanting to see where I was more still.

My vision was blurred. I hastily rubbed the sleep from my eyes-shaking my head in minor annoyance, feeling the seat shift beside me as Kaname exited the vehicle. A rushing of fresh air whispered through my long hair. I looked over at Kaname when he moved to my side of the car-my vision clear now-holding my door open for me, hand outstretched to assist me. I stepped out, legs stiff, back sore. I stretched my aching limps, yawning.

"It felt like we were driving for forever." I complained through my yawn. I inhaled deeply, noticing the suble change in the air-welcoming as it was. Even if it didn't yet feel cold, the seasons were changing. My now heightened senses could feel it.

 _I wish summer would last forever._

"Sorry for keeping you locked up." Kaname said while removing my bags from the trunck of the car. He sounded a bit guilty with a subtle hint of self-loathing my new self was only now beginning to recognize as his usual self. "Do you recognize it?" He gestured behind me with a slight nod of his head.

We were standing in a large, circular clearing, surrounded all around by trees, dense and thick- almost like a sort of barrier, protecting us from unwanting eyes, from the outside world. Before me lay a small cobblestone path. In the center of that path was a glorious fountain. The water did not run, though. There were two figures-a man and a woman-tangled in each other's arms, both completely nude. The woman hanging slightly lower on the man's body, clinging to him. They each had one arm thrown skyward-marbled skin against marbled skin-fingers just out of reach of each other's.

"You were born in that house, Yuuki." Kaname went on to say, coming to my side. He set the bags down at our feet, to gaze up with me at the marvel before us.

I looked past the fountain, finally, at such a magnificent mansion, far too big for four people to have occupied, so long ago.

Purebloods lived forever. And apparently the Kuran line was so old...the oldest in Vampiric history. It wouldnt have required any effort at all for my parents to obtain such a home...probably. It was probably past down through the generations...they probably were generations themselves. Perhaps it shouldn't be so hard for me to grasp the concept of such magnificences. All the vampires I knew were Aristocrats...except for Zero.

"Do you recognize it?" he asked, seeming more like an eager child, so desperate for my answer, than the collected man I knew him to be.

 _I could still hear her scream..._

How was this so easy for him?

He was there that night too.

"It seems a bit familiar, yes... Of course, I never did see the outside. Did I?" I walked forward, feeling emotional so suddenly, feeling almost angry out of no where. And at him. " _Brother_." it felt so unnatural, that word. Calling him brother.

I didn't look at him. I didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes, that I had hurt him with what I had just said-so easily, even though I was hurting too. And I didn't want to see that a part of me wanted him to hurt, wanted to see that I was successful in my endeavor, that the monster in me was real.

I had been kept locked away my entire childhood. In a windowless room, in the basement, under the pretense that it was for my own safety. And yet, both my parents were dead. So maybe I did have a right to be angry.

We walked up that path together, but in silence. I could feel Kaname's eyes on me the entire time. And when we reach the top of those stairs-all those stairs-and Kaname pushed open that door, there were no loving parents standing in the threshold to welcome us home.

How I wished there were.

Home.

It was so strange to call it that after so many years of living away with the Headmaster, so far away from here. The Academy had been the only home that I had ever known, having been raised as a human with no memory of my past. But that had been a lie, a false pretenses to keep me hidden and safe from my deranged maniac of an uncle. But Rido was dead. This was my home. This always has been. It didn't matter that I was once a human that was once a vampire that was vampire once more.

You can't erase blood.

And there were people inside that I didn't know.

She bowed to us when we stepped into the house-which I found completely odd, being bowed to. Her ash blonde hair fell around her face, hididng it from me.

"You know Seirin." Kaname said to me. "She was in the Night Class with me." he handed her my bags before stepping further into the house. "Show Yuuki to our room." he said to Seirin. "I'm sure she's exhausted after...everything that's happened."

I was still stuck on the fact that I had forgotten a Night student, almost missing such a vital detail. "Our...room?" I almost had to choke out. I was supposed to share a room with him?

I blushed at the thought, wholely convinced my entire body was bright red, all my anger forgotten when I contemplated the night ahead, alone in bed with him.

"Unless you don't want to share a room with me anymore?" he asked, peeking over his shoulder at me.

"Anymore?" since when had we even talked about it?

He kept walking though, not bothering to explain himself.

...

I followed Seirin up the winding staircase to _our_ room, gazing at anything and everything along the way to keep my mind away from my dirty thoughts. There were pretty chandeliers, paintings, vases, but in the end I decided to just focus on her. Seiren didn't seem familiar at all to me, not even her name. Kaname said we went to school together and I know he wouldn't lie to me, but I just could not place her.

"So Seiren-san-"

"You're room, Kuran-sama." She rudely interrupted me. Throwing the door open and setting my bags off to one side. "Shall I unpack for you?"

Rude.

That's what she was.

Plain rude

Maybe I couldn't remember her because I pushed her out of my brain, because she was a rude person, not worth remembering.

"No." I walked past her. "I can do it on my own."

She left, closing the door behind her, leaving me defenseless to my perverted thoughts.

I looked around the room. It was definitely _big_ enough for two people, there was no arguing that. There were two large dark cherry oak dressers on either wall. One stood tall, the other wide with a mirror atop it. The carpet was a deep, dark red, almost black. The were two small step leading up to the large for poster bed. Black curtains draped around it. A chandelier hung above the bed, crystals sparkling. There was a small end table on either side of the bed. Near the bathroom stood a tall wardrobe in the same wood as the dressers.

The whole room smelled like Kaname, which I found a little weird since he lived at the school.

Of course he didn't live there live there. But most of the year that's where he was.

I definitely wanted to live with him, there was no arguing that. I loved him so much that it physically hurt me to think about him. Sharing a room with him was a different story though...

My mind went straight to Hell when I looked at that bed-overflowing with pillows, imaging Kaname bursting through that door right now, scooping me up in this arms, taking those two very tiny stairs up to that very large bed and peeling my clothes off so slowly while he kissed me breathless, whispering my name against my skin while all the while, not wasting anytime at all as he slowly entered my-

I shook my head to clear the image, my face hot.

I tried to busy myself with unpacking my things. Going to the dresser with the mirror and pulling the top drawer open to deposit my underwear in.

How could those things not happen between us? Not that I didn't want them to, but was I really ready for them too? Did he want them too? Did Kaname want me that way? He told me that he loved me but...

I slammed the dresser drawer shut, catching my thumb in it's wake.

"Fuck!" I cursed, clutching my hand to my chest. Tears filled my eyes. I was such an insecure idiot.


	28. Chapter 28

_I was shivering, so hard that I was in pain. I was so cold. Snow was falling all around me, sticking to my already damp coat, my hair, my face as I stared up towards the clouded sky. It was stained red. It was all stained red. I was so intrigued by that unfamiliar color, so drawn to it-that I brought it up close to my face-intent on getting a closer look. "Don't touch that." Kaname told me gently as he pulled my gloved hand from my face, helping me to my feet. It was Kaname. I knew him. He saved me, again. I began to tremble. I wasn't alone here. It might have been from the frozen air, but I was scared, or maybe I was so relieved to be looking up into his eyes, I didn't know which. "What's the matter?" he asked me so kindly, kneeling down to my level. "Where you scared?" he wrapped me in his warm embrace. "You're safe now." he whispered against my hair. "I won't ever let anyone hurt you again."_

I opened my eyes sometime later completely disturbed by my surroundings. I felt lost, unsure as to where I was, how I had even gotten here. There were lingering feelings in my heart; such sadness, insecurity, a looming sense of loss. Darkness was taking hold of my mind, pulling me down.

I was groggy, not sure when I had fallen asleep, or how long I had been asleep for, what time it was. But I just wanted to shut my eyes once more, lean back into the cushions, and sleep once more, submit myself to an eternity of darkness.

This definitely wasn't my bedroom, though. There was no sense of security here, this unknown bed, no comfort. This wasn't the Academy. I had half a mind to call out to my father, utterly frightened, when an unfamiliar ache took root in the back of my throat, cutting off any chance of calling out for help. It startled me. It was almost like a sort of lump you feel when you want to cry a whole bunch, only severely dry and scratchy.

I reached up to touch that unfamiliar ache, so frightened by it.

 _Like I was so very thirsty._

I cleared my throat in an attempt to rid myself of the discomfort, and sat up, noticing I had been tucked into my new unfamiliar bed. I stared down at the perfectly aligned sheets, running my palm over their smoothness.

Kaname's scent lingered slightly on the air.

 _Of coarse it was thirst. I was a human no more._

To much was happening all at once. A new home, all of my lost memories returned to me in a such a rush. I had no friends in this unfamiliar place, no parents to tuck me into bed at night, tell me stories, that everything was fine, that I was fine. Words I was always craving; _it's all right._

I looked down at the carefully set sheets. I smoothed my hand over their silkened texture once more.

I did have something else, I realized as my eyes filled with tears.

My brother.

My Kaname.

My love.

I've never wanted anyone as much as I wanted to be with him.

I was being selfish. All my life I had been looked after; so very loved and taken care of, oblivious to the real world, all the horrors and tragedies that existed outside of my safe little garden that was the academy. And even before that, when my parents kept me locked up and hidden away. I had had the Headmaster to look after me-Kaname had always made sure that I was never alone, always checking up on me, making sure I was safe and comfortable. But who did he have? For all those year when he was a stranger to me, no more then a distant friend, who cared for him? Who put him to bed all those nights when the thunder raged and the solitude became unbearable? Who told him that everything was going to be alright when nothing felt right at all, held him tightly through the darkness? Who was there for Kaname?

My hearted ached for him.

And though I had him, he didn't have me.

I began to cry, hot tears stinging my eyes, streaming down my face.

I couldn't bare the thought of Kaname being alone a second longer.

I tossed the bedclothes aside, not sure exactly where I was going. I just followed the scent of him, the smell I have always loved, even when I was a human. It filled this house, so much so that it seemed even though it was empty with no family to return to, he still spent time here, in these memories.

I began to run down the long hallways blindly.

I just wanted to be together, to feel him, to touch him, to tell him that he didn't have to be alone anymore.

I found him in a matter of minutes, carelessly throwing a door open where I knew he stood behind. He was standing in front of a bookcase, admiring some framed photos that where there. At the sound of the door crashing into the wall he looked my way. So tall and so beautiful.

How could he possibly be all mine?

I was in his arms before he could utter a word. I pulled him tightly too me, wrapping my arms around his back, as if I were hanging onto my only lifeline left in this world. Perhaps he was.

"Yuuki?" Kaname embraced me back, stroking my hair gently. His voice held a hint of stress, not knowing why I was having such a fit. "What's the matter?"

"I love you!" I blurted out through my tears. "Kaname, I love you."

His hand slipped out of my hair, down my cheek to tilt my chin up. His eyes burned into mine. His thumb gently brushed away my tears. He leaned down and kissed me so passionately that I would have surly ended up in a heap on the floor had he not been holding me to him. "I love you, Yuuki." he whispered against my lips before stealing my breath once more.

My heart began to settle, with that quiet declaration.


	29. Chapter 29

Though there were times when I became burdened by such crippling sadness, my own thoughts consuming me. Times when it felt as if the world was swallowing me whole. Times when I would lock myself away in my room for hours, wanting to be by myself in my solitude, wanting to be wrapped in comforting arms but not allowing myself the emotional relief. Wondering if I made the right choice. I missed my father, I missed Yori, I even missed school, the academy, and Zero. God, I missed Zero so much. But beneath those moments of sever weakness I knew I wouldn't trade it away for anything. As the days went by the sadness receded farther and farther into the dark recesses of my tortured mind, all but forgotten.

I felt almost at peace.

When we slept together he locked me tightly in his arms, almost as if he were afraid that if he didn't hold me so tightly to him, I would surly disappear from his sight. He would smooth my hair back from my face pressing his lips gently to my forehead before lowering them to steal a kiss from my lips, then another, and more still. Kaname kissed me as if the air from my body sustained him. Perhaps maybe, in a way, it did. Maybe he needed me just as badly as I needed him, as I wanted him, though he never went further then stealing kisses and whispering sweet things into my ear. And never in my life did I feel safer then in those moments, when he pressed me into his chest at night, against his heart, lulling me to sleep, swearing to whatever gods were out there that he would never leave my side.

Never have I felt so loved.

I didn't know what day it was. I never knew what time it was. I was so lost in his eyes, his presents, the very thought of him made my knees weak.

If Heaven was real it existed in him.

Today though, when I opened my eyes after such a peaceful slumber, a night in his warm embrace-I found the bed beside me empty and cold. Kaname had been up for awhile. I shivered from his absence, so used to having him keep me warm when I slept. I sighed, stretching my arms up over my head. Maybe I had overslept and he didn't want to wake me. Kaname usually stayed by my side until I opened my eyes. Usually I was the first to wake, giving me a chance to stare into his perfect face, to touch him, to steal soft kisses.

I thought back to our first night together. Me, a twitching ball of nerves, and him, so perfect and confident. After lying me down and tucking the sheets around me we talked about everything and nothing, his hands never leaving my skin, my hair. And then when my eyes grew heavy, Kaname rested his head gently on my chest, right over my heart, and softly whispered his love to me. Murmuring to me his most intimate feelings, fears, insecurities, thanking the stars that we were finally together.

I thought then about how if he wanted me so badly now, needed me the way he was always saying that he did-whispering it to me over and over again at night, so low in my ear, how come he never came to me as a human, came and took what had always been his, what will always be his. He must have know for years how my human self felt about him. How I longed for him to simply look at me, see me.

Of course, my logical more reasonable side came to the conclusion that he was probably just trying to protect me in the only way that he could, back then. By keeping his distance from me, by keeping lingering eyes away from us. Mostly because of Rido, I assumed. Not that any of that mattered now. Now we were together and nothing was going to keep us apart any longer.

Rido was finally dead.

I still dreamed of him, even when he was tight by my side. My head swam with thoughts of him. He was my first thought when I woke up in the morning and my very last thought before I fell asleep at night. He was my whole world, my everything, my whole heart. And I knew, deep down in my heart, when I stared down at his sleeping face, that I would never be able to live without him. And that thought didn't even shame me.

I threw the covers from my body, stretching my limbs again. I got out of the largest-most comfortable bed I have ever slept in-and made my way to the attached bathroom, wanting a shower before I began my search of the house for the man I loved more than anything and everything.

I turned the hot water on in the shower, letting it get good and warm before I climbed in. I rid my body of my clothes and stood before the full length mirror. Human insecurities be damned. For the first time in my entire life, I actually felt, and looked, beautiful.

I climbed into the shower, letting the hot water soak my hair and run down my nude body. I shivered, running my hands down my neck, across my breasts. When would Kaname finally take my blood again? He had only ever done it that one time, when he changed me back to myself. Oh, when would he want me? I closed my eyes and pictured Kaname taking me into his arms, sliding my clothing from my shoulders, gently, so slowly kissing my skin there, his teeth finally, sinking into my throat so slowly. Heat flooded my cheeks and I knew it wasn't from the hot shower. I reached my hand between my thighs, touching my most intimate area, the rush of pleasure causing my thighs to jerk. I still drank his blood. Every single night I would burry my face in his neck and shyly ask for his permission to proceed. His blood tasted like the sweetest bit of Heaven I knew I'd ever taste. When it slid down my throat and melded with my very being I felt as if we were one single entity. I groaned, pulling my hands away, lying down in the shower. I let the water glide over my thighs, down my legs, across my stomach, my skin suddenly so sensitive. I opened my knees, leting the water touch me where no one had ever touched before, beside my own curious figures. The pressure from the water making my eyes roll back and close. I bit back a moan. Digging my teeth into my lower lip in attempt to keep myself quiet, careful not to draw any of my own blood. It wasn't enough. My fingers returned to their previous position, prodding at my intimacy. When I rolled my finger across the tiny bud of nerves my body grew even hotter. I touched their again, in fast small circles, feeling so close to something I have never been able to feel before now. My _new_ body was hypersensitive. Need filled me to the core, coursing through my veins. I pictured my hands were Kaname's hands, that he was the one touching me, instead of my own desperate fingers, till finally I felt it. I covered my mouth with a tight hand, crying out into it, trying to muffle the sounds as best I could. My lower regions throbbing with such pleasure, now so sensitive, too sensitive to try it again.

I sighed, catching my breath before standing and resuming my shower. My knees trembled slightly.

I blushed when I thought about what I had just done, gently rubbing soap on my limbs. What was I thinking, touching myself like that. What if Kaname heard me come.

I shut the water off. It's not like I could undo it, what I had just done. And even if he did hear, he probably wasn't going to go out of his way to bring it right out with me.

After drying off I went back into my room to dress, completely nude, letting my still soaked hair drench me again.

I threw on a simple black shift dress and nothing else, throwing the door open and heading barefoot down the stairs. I entered the parlor, knowing someone was in there that wasn't my brother.

Hanabusa sat in a white cushioned arm chair, one leg thrown over the other, eyes closed, sipping tea elegantly. When I entered the room his icy blue eyes opened, his normally harsh expression softening instantly.

He looked like a porcelain doll.

"Yuuki- ah I mean, Kuran-sama-"

"What are you doing here, Hana-chan?" I asked, interrupting him. I didn't like the thought of an intrusion on my paradise.

He cleared his throat, cheeks reddening at my casual nickname for him. "Kaname-sama has asked me to look after you." He stated simply, as if it were completely obvious. It seemed Auido was still his usual self, after our last encounter with each other, when he had tried to protect me from my uncle, I was worried he would be mad at me, for leaving him on his own.

"He isn't here?" My heart began to pound and my hands shook at the thought that Kaname had left me. Even if he went through all the trouble of finding a babysitter for me. I still couldn't help the overwhelmingly crushing fear that he had abandoned me.

Auido picked up on the sudden increase in my heartbeat and his expression softened once more. He set his teacup down on the glass table before him, giving me his full attention. "He will be back before you fall asleep tonight." Hanabusa tried to reassure me. "He had some business to take care of is all, Yuu- I mean Kuran-sama."

"It's still Yuuki." I corrected him. I went over to sit on the couch beside his chair, feeling depressed. "What kind of business?" My heart settled a bit.

"He did not clarify and I did not ask. As is not my place."

"Oh...I see..." I looked down at my hands, twisting them together in my lap.

"He did not wish to wake you."

I didn't like that Kaname left without telling me, that he didn't even say goodbye. It made me feel unimportant, it made me feel abandoned. "Hey, Hana-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"I never thanked you for before, you know...for saving my life that time."

He blushed again, picking his cup back up from the table. "It's nothing." He muttered. "And dry yourself properly."


	30. Chapter 30

Though there were times when I became burdened by such crippling sadness, my own thoughts consuming me. Times when it felt as if the world was swallowing me whole. Times when I would lock myself away in my room for hours, wanting to be by myself in my solitude, wanting to be wrapped in comforting arms but not allowing myself the emotional relief. Wondering if I made the right choice. I missed my father, I missed Yori, I even missed school, the academy, and Zero. God, I missed Zero so much. But beneath those moments of sever weakness I knew I wouldn't trade it away for anything. As the days went by the sadness receded farther and farther into the dark recesses of my tortured mind, all but forgotten.

I felt almost at peace.

When we slept together he locked me tightly in his arms, almost as if he were afraid that if he didn't hold me so tightly to him, I would surly disappear from his sight. He would smooth my hair back from my face pressing his lips gently to my forehead before lowering them to steal a kiss from my lips, then another, and more still. Kaname kissed me as if the air from my body sustained him. Perhaps maybe, in a way, it did. Maybe he needed me just as badly as I needed him, as I wanted him, though he never went further then stealing kisses and whispering sweet things into my ear. And never in my life did I feel safer then in those moments, when he pressed me into his chest at night, against his heart, lulling me to sleep, swearing to whatever gods were out there that he would never leave my side.

Never have I felt so loved.

I didn't know what day it was. I never knew what time it was. I was so lost in his eyes, his presents, the very thought of him made my knees weak.

If Heaven was real it existed in him.

Today though, when I opened my eyes after such a peaceful slumber, a night in his warm embrace-I found the bed beside me empty and cold. Kaname had been up for awhile. I shivered from his absence, so used to having him keep me warm when I slept. I sighed, stretching my arms up over my head. Maybe I had overslept and he didn't want to wake me. Kaname usually stayed by my side until I opened my eyes. Usually I was the first to wake, giving me a chance to stare into his perfect face, to touch him, to steal soft kisses.

I thought back to our first night together. Me, a twitching ball of nerves, and him, so perfect and confident. After lying me down and tucking the sheets around me we talked about everything and nothing, his hands never leaving my skin, my hair. And then when my eyes grew heavy, Kaname rested his head gently on my chest, right over my heart, and softly whispered his love to me. Murmuring to me his most intimate feelings, fears, insecurities, thanking the stars that we were finally together.

I thought then about how if he wanted me so badly now, needed me the way he was always saying that he did-whispering it to me over and over again at night, so low in my ear, how come he never came to me as a human, came and took what had always been his, what will always be his. He must have know for years how my human self felt about him. How I longed for him to simply look at me, see me.

Of course, my logical more reasonable side came to the conclusion that he was probably just trying to protect me in the only way that he could, back then. By keeping his distance from me, by keeping lingering eyes away from us. Mostly because of Rido, I assumed. Not that any of that mattered now. Now we were together and nothing was going to keep us apart any longer.

Rido was finally dead.

I still dreamed of him, even when he was tight by my side. My head swam with thoughts of him. He was my first thought when I woke up in the morning and my very last thought before I fell asleep at night. He was my whole world, my everything, my whole heart. And I knew, deep down in my heart, when I stared down at his sleeping face, that I would never be able to live without him. And that thought didn't even shame me.

I threw the covers from my body, stretching my limbs again. I got out of the largest-most comfortable bed I have ever slept in-and made my way to the attached bathroom, wanting a shower before I began my search of the house for the man I loved more than anything and everything.

I turned the hot water on in the shower, letting it get good and warm before I climbed in. I rid my body of my clothes and stood before the full length mirror. Human insecurities be damned. For the first time in my entire life, I actually felt, and looked, beautiful.

I climbed into the shower, letting the hot water soak my hair and run down my nude body. I shivered, running my hands down my neck, across my breasts. When would Kaname finally take my blood again? He had only ever done it that one time, when he changed me back to myself. Oh, when would he want me? I closed my eyes and pictured Kaname taking me into his arms, sliding my clothing from my shoulders, gently, so slowly kissing my skin there, his teeth finally, sinking into my throat so slowly. Heat flooded my cheeks and I knew it wasn't from the hot shower. I reached my hand between my thighs, touching my most intimate area, the rush of pleasure causing my thighs to jerk. I still drank his blood. Every single night I would burry my face in his neck and shyly ask for his permission to proceed. His blood tasted like the sweetest bit of Heaven I knew I'd ever taste. When it slid down my throat and melded with my very being I felt as if we were one single entity. I groaned, pulling my hands away, lying down in the shower. I let the water glide over my thighs, down my legs, across my stomach, my skin suddenly so sensitive. I opened my knees, leting the water touch me where no one had ever touched before, beside my own curious figures. The pressure from the water making my eyes roll back and close. I bit back a moan. Digging my teeth into my lower lip in attempt to keep myself quiet, careful not to draw any of my own blood. It wasn't enough. My fingers returned to their previous position, prodding at my intimacy. When I rolled my finger across the tiny bud of nerves my body grew even hotter. I touched their again, in fast small circles, feeling so close to something I have never been able to feel before now. My _new_ body was hypersensitive. Need filled me to the core, coursing through my veins. I pictured my hands were Kaname's hands, that he was the one touching me, instead of my own desperate fingers, till finally I felt it. I covered my mouth with a tight hand, crying out into it, trying to muffle the sounds as best I could. My lower regions throbbing with such pleasure, now so sensitive, too sensitive to try it again.

I sighed, catching my breath before standing and resuming my shower. My knees trembled slightly.

I blushed when I thought about what I had just done, gently rubbing soap on my limbs. What was I thinking, touching myself like that. What if Kaname heard me come.

I shut the water off. It's not like I could undo it, what I had just done. And even if he did hear, he probably wasn't going to go out of his way to bring it right out with me.

After drying off I went back into my room to dress, completely nude, letting my still soaked hair drench me again.

I threw on a simple black shift dress and nothing else, throwing the door open and heading barefoot down the stairs. I entered the parlor, knowing someone was in there that wasn't my brother.

Hanabusa sat in a white cushioned arm chair, one leg thrown over the other, eyes closed, sipping tea elegantly. When I entered the room his icy blue eyes opened, his normally harsh expression softening instantly.

He looked like a porcelain doll.

"Yuuki- ah I mean, Kuran-sama-"

"What are you doing here, Hana-chan?" I asked, interrupting him. I didn't like the thought of an intrusion on my paradise.

He cleared his throat, cheeks reddening at my casual nickname for him. "Kaname-sama has asked me to look after you." He stated simply, as if it were completely obvious. It seemed Auido was still his usual self, after our last encounter with each other, when he had tried to protect me from my uncle, I was worried he would be mad at me, for leaving him on his own.

"He isn't here?" My heart began to pound and my hands shook at the thought that Kaname had left me. Even if he went through all the trouble of finding a babysitter for me. I still couldn't help the overwhelmingly crushing fear that he had abandoned me.

Auido picked up on the sudden increase in my heartbeat and his expression softened once more. He set his teacup down on the glass table before him, giving me his full attention. "He will be back before you fall asleep tonight." Hanabusa tried to reassure me. "He had some business to take care of is all, Yuu- I mean Kuran-sama."

"It's still Yuuki." I corrected him. I went over to sit on the couch beside his chair, feeling depressed. "What kind of business?" My heart settled a bit.

"He did not clarify and I did not ask. As is not my place."

"Oh...I see..." I looked down at my hands, twisting them together in my lap.

"He did not wish to wake you."

I didn't like that Kaname left without telling me, that he didn't even say goodbye. It made me feel unimportant, it made me feel abandoned. "Hey, Hana-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"I never thanked you for before, you know...for saving my life that time."

He blushed again, picking his cup back up from the table. "It's nothing." He muttered. "And dry yourself properly."


End file.
